Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

10 points best answer! You know any really funny jokes i could hear?

I am into any type of joke as long as it's really funny. And please no childish ones lol thanks.

9 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    a plane crashes in an island only 3 guys live while traveling around the island they come face to face with cannivals, the leader of the man eaters decide to give them a challenge he says "go and bring me the most amount of fruit you can carry and bring it back here i will then reavel the second part of the challenge when you return with the fruit" the men agree beliving that whoever brought the most food would not die, the first man comes back with about 16 apples in hands the leader then reavels the 2nd part of the challenge he tells him to bend over and i will start shoving the fruit up his *** and if he make any sounds while he did this he would cut off his head. he shoves the first one in and the second and third, fourth. finnaly he gives out a shriek of pain, the cannivals then cut off his head. the second guy comes aswell with about 70 grapes the guy also bends over and theman withstood up until the last grape but when the cannival was about to do the final grape hestarted to giggle, he to had his head cut off.

    back in heaven:

    firrst guy: "why did you laugh you were up to the final grape you had it you could have lived"

    second guy: " i couldnt help right at that moment i see the third guy come back and he was carrying coconuts and pineapples!"

  • sorce
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    There was once this man at a bar, simply watching at his drink. He remains like that for part of an hour. Then, this large concern-making truck motive force steps subsequent to him, takes the drink from the fellow, and simply beverages all of it down. The deficient guy begins crying. The truck motive force says, "Come on guy, I was once simply joking. Here, I'll purchase you one other drink. I simply can not stand to look a person cry." "No, it is not that. This day is the worst of my existence. First, I go to sleep, and I pass past due to my workplace. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I depart the constructing, to my automobile, I discovered it was once stolen. The police stated that they may be able to do not anything. I get a cab to go back residence, and while I depart it, I do not forget I left my pockets and bank cards there. The cab motive force simply drives away." "I pass residence, and while I get there, I uncover my spouse in mattress with the gardener. I depart residence, and are available to this bar. And simply while I was once considering placing an finish to my existence, you exhibit up and drink my poison."

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

    The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

    The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

    Here's another one...

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

    Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

    “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

    “And what do you deduce from that?”

    Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

    Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

    Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

    Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

    Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

    Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

    But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

    Holmes is silent for a moment.

    “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

    Another one:

    A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter. He asks the first nun, "Sister Karen have you ever had any contact with a penis???" The nun giggles and replies, "Well, once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St Peter says OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gate. St Peter asks the next nun the same question. "Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis.." The nun is a little reluctant but reply's "Well I once fondled and stroked one..

    St Peter says, "OK dip your hand in the holy water and pass through the gate..." All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns. One nun is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St Peter says "Sister, what seems to be the rush???" The nun replys "If I'm going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to go before Sister Mary sticks her a$s in it!

  • 1 decade ago

    Alright, so these two guys were out playing golf, and one of them was about to chip into the green when he saw a funeral procession going by. He then proceeded to lay to down his chipper, take of his hat, and lower his head. When the procession had gone by his friend said "Wow, that was so great of you, your the kindest guy I've ever seen." To which he replied "Well, we were married 35 years."

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    A man and woman are walking out of divorce court and the woman is balling her eyes out. The man says to her "shut up bi-t-ch we'll still be cousins".

  • 1 decade ago

    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

    The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blond yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A duck walks into a bar.

    "Do you have any grapes?" He asked.

    "No." Said the bartender

    The next day. he asked,

    "Do you have any grapes?"

    "If you come in here again asking for grapes, I'm gonna nail your beak to the floor!"

    The next day, he walked in and asked

    "Do you have any nails?"

    No..." Said the bartender.

    "Do you have any grapes?" asked the Duck!

    ___________________________________________________________________________________

    A lady walked into a barber shop wearing headphones. The barber told the lady to remove the headphones but the lady didn't listen. So the babrber removed the headphones and the lady died within seconds. This happened for the next weeks so one day the barber decided to listen to what these ladies were listening to and this is what he heard:

    Breathe in Breathe out Breathe in Breathe out

  • an italian man who went to malta

    watch the video

    lolxxx

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    WHY DID THE MONKEY FELL OFF THE TREE?

    ANSWER........ HE LET GO

    WHAT DID THE FARMER SAID WHEN HE LOST HIS TRACTOR?

    ANWER..... WHERE'S MY TRACTOR

    WHATS GREEN AND SMELLS LIKE PAINT?

    ANSWER.... GREEN PAINT DURRRR

  • 1 decade ago

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahano

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.