Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Is it normal for married men..?

Is it normal for married men to have crushes on their female co-workers? If they do, does it mean the marriage is over or are crushes "innocent" as long as they aren't acted upon? I know that it's normal to "look" but actually developing an attraction/constantly thinking about/constantly talking about.. is that normal? Am I over-reacting?

Update:

They have each other on Facebook, they talk on the phone often (outside of work), he talks about her and her family (though I don't know how he even knows so much because they only see each other at work from what I know). It's hard for me to feel like I'm over-reacting because he really does talk about her all the time and he never pays any attention to me! It's not just a little crush! I think it's going to turn into something more. I'm sorry that you feel like I'm "mental," I just feel like he doesn't want to be with me anymore otherwise he would at least show me a little bit that he cared.

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  • MZ. RO
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's not normal. It's disrespectful and inappropriate. You two need to talk about it. If he loves you and cares about the marriage he would dismiss any actions that are causing you pain and worry. PERIOD. Is this other woman worth losing you over? I was in a similar situation..although there not physically doing anything inappropriate (that you know of) it still hurts to think your mate is emotionally attached or attracted to someone else. thats your time your marriage time that you are entitled to, you took vows! Talk and communicate with him about this before it gets really out of hand. In my opinion your not over reacting.

  • 1 decade ago

    It's not normal and it's unacceptable.

    In order for a married man to have a crush on someone other than his wife, he has to cross a lot of boundaries. It's normal for a man to find another woman attractive, but the moment he begins acting on it ~ thinking about her, desiring her, taking steps to get to know her better, and to flirt with her ~ he has crossed the line. The more time he spends talking with her ~ texting / emailing / Facebook / etc, the more emotional energy he takes away from you and gives to the other woman. This is an emotional affair, that will eventually lead to a physical affair.

    You're not over-reacting. People who do what your husband is doing always accuse their spouses of over-reacting. It's nothing more than an automatic defense mechanism ~ a lie ~ a smokescreen intended to throw their partners off the trail.

  • 1 decade ago

    It's normal in men AND women honey to have crushes that come and go. Being married doesn't make him any less of human than being single does. As long as his world revolves around you and your life together and you're the one he loves and comes home to, what does it matter if he has a little crush on a co-worker. Is he trustworthy? Does he have a strong character? These are the questions to ask yourself, not rather or not he has a crush on the cutie at work.

  • 1 decade ago

    a crush isn't fine and as for looking it depends on how he is looking at her. if he looks just to acknowledge her then its ok but if he look to admire her then its a problem. ideally a husband is only to look upon his wife but sadly many men have wondering eyes. if your husband knows you don't like his attraction to this other woman but still try to find excuses to why it's ok or not a big deal. them there is a big problem on the horizons for your marriage. you should consider marriage counseling to try to mend the marriage before wounds are created by infidelity. you're not over reacting. you can also plan a special night once a week or every other week with you and your husband. like a romantic dinner and maybe a movie or a walk on the beach. depending where you live, just somewhere peaceful

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think small crushes are normal for everyone but sometimes those crushes can lead to something more. It is all about self-control i guess.

    I think if he is constantly talking and thinking about her than it is a little more than an innocent crush.

    Even seemingly "innocent crushes" can hurt a relationship though.

    Source(s): Just my opinion.
  • 1 decade ago

    I think crushes are not usually innocent depsite what people on Y!A may say. I think that you should be putting the focu into the marriage - you're using your crush as an escape. Is something wrong in your marriage? Are you not having sex or is there some sort of disconnect?

    Be honest with yourself and why you are having this crush before it gets out of hand.

    Source(s): dg
  • I am of the frame of mind that temptation is common in anyone - some people are tempted by chocolate, some by beer and some by hot co-workers (I don't count though, 'cause an inability to satiate hot tramps is a GREAT deterrent.).

    But, based upon your other question concerning getting your husband to "confess" his lustful thoughts, is akin to getting someone to "confess" to the thought of robbing a bank. I am truly thankful for laws about "attempt" and not "desire", because it allows people to make decisions.

    Just my opinion.

    ADD: Let me mention that when my wife and I met, I had NOTHING but female friends. As they were systematically removed from my social circle, my wife and I had less and less to talk about. Having social connections is EXTREMELY important and as long as certain boundaries are established and respected, then it should be okay.

    Again, just my opinion.

  • 1 decade ago

    Normal

  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like you're overreacting going on your last question. (normally I would say its not innocent) but you're being dramatic, he hasn't admitted nor given you proof that's what he's doing, So I think you should get a little more Rosetta STONED and chill out

  • 1 decade ago

    I agree with what someone else said. You need to talk to him about this, because this one woman found out that her husband was cheating and said that she should've known, since he was always talking about her. Be careful, though, you don't want to risk him not being open with you anymore about things.

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