Eden asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 1 decade ago

Do you think there is a chance we could work things out..even re-build our friendship?

This guy and I have a huge history. We dated last year for a couple of months and he broke it off because he freaked out, and we ended up becoming friends, really good friends because we had such a connection and get on so well. We grew really close, and then in february he told me how he felt and we got together again. Things were going so well, until we both didnt get in to our university choices.

He changed so much. He became a recluse saying he needed to build himself a strong career and he literally would just draw every day, 24/7. Its just not healthy. He just became really distant, and seemed to had just lost interest in everything. I gave him the space because i know how that feels and i understood he had to do his work. So have i, i have an exhibition comming up.

So I got to see him finally, and i was really excited to see him because i hadnt seen him in a little while. And things were alright. He gave me my birthday present that he had been working on and we sat and talked etc. I got up and gave him a cuddle, and we just sat there holding eachother for a long time. Then he looked like he was about to cry, and i asked him what was wrong. He told me he feels guilty that he has put me second and hasnt made time to see me. Its like he has just shoved me to one side. I told him i understand because its just the way it is at the moment and it will all be better soon. We can work something out. Then he said that its the way its going to be though for a long time, and then he was like i dont know if i can do this. And then i cried so much and told him i dont want to loose him. He said its the only way he can see right now and he has to trust his intuition on this one. He trusts his instinct. Then i just kept telling him i dont want him to go and i dont want him out of my life. And he said it doesnt have to be like that.

Then i said to him i will miss him, he said he will miss me and that i am a beautiful person which is why this is so hard. We were holding eachother for 4 hours. He was clutching on to me. Then i left and i told him i really really liked him and he told me he feels the same and then he waited till i got to the end of the road to shut the gate..which is a long road..like 5 minute walk. Before I left as well, out of the blue, he said he still really wants to come to my exhibition.

He came to my exhibition last thursday, and he just seemed so depressed, like he has lost faith in himself and his art. I was just so suprised to see him in this state. We sort of had a couple of lingering hugs, and he gave me a kiss on the cheek, which he usually does and does with other people, but its normally just a peck, but this one was sort of lingering. I sent him an email on sunday, telling him i miss him, i miss his company so much, i just dont know what to do anymore. The email was aimed more at being friends again..not anything else. I could just really use another perspective on this. Thanks x

4 Answers

  • Maria
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    When reading this there were a few things I thought:

    1. Do you know of any mental health condition he could have? he seems like he could be suffering from depression, as he has low self confidence and can his mood can decline rapidly quite suddenly. Maybe he's punishing himself a lot more than you know.

    2. If you tell him you really miss him it sort of puts him in an awkward position. He told you how difficult it was for him to lose you, but knowing that you're hurting too makes it worse. I suggest that you email him again, explaining clearly that you want to be friends and that you think you should both take it slowly, no pressure, just general chat to hopefully build up a good strong friendship. I tihnk it would be quite healthy for you both to just go out for coffee or to the cinema etc and not to mention all the emotional stuff you've been through. Just spending time with each other with no pressure to decide on how you feel about each other could make you both unwind and feel better about each other.

    Whatever you do, I hope it works out, good luck!

    Source(s): Psychology student
  • 1 decade ago

    I think John and Maria have provided very good advice and I pretty much concur with what they have both said. It sounds like you definitely have the foundation to build your relationship back whether it is friends or more than that. Just take it slow, don't jump into anything.

    I also agree that it looks like your friend could definitely be suffering from depression. Whether or not you want to bring that up to him is a really tough call, some people welcome the fact that someone took notice, other's lash out. He may already realize that he might be depressed (in the clinical sense). If you ever sense he may be looking to get help in that regard or if he brings it up on his own, encouraging getting help without being pushy would probably be a good thing too.

    Source(s): Psychology degree, been in a few relationships in my day!, happily married almost 9 years.
  • 1 decade ago

    This was a tearjerker. But a happy one. It seems to me that there is definitely a chance to re-build your relationship. If, through all that, you have remained friends and not moved on, then it is clear that you two belong together in a relationship, whether it is short or long-term. But you may have to wait for just a while longer. He obviously has to pull himself together, and it doesn't seem as if he would be able to support you at a time when he is apparently so fragile. I'd just give it more time. It may seem difficult, but the difficulties in our lives always seem to lead to improving upon them. I wish you the best of luck, and remember to hold your head up high, keep going, and hope for the best.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm sure you can rebuild it just get together more talk more........

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