Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

***|{10 points for the best joke!!}|***?

if you tell me a really good joke, i'll give you ten points, but it has to be better than the rest of them!!

:DD just for fun

9 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

    Source(s): (: some joke website.
  • 1 decade ago

    What's stupider than a Brunette Trying to light a fire underwater?

    A blonde trying to put it out!

    A red head, a brunette, and a blonde are stuck on the top of a 50 story burning building. In order to escape without being burned, they have to jump of one at a time onto a big blanket being held off the ground by 10 firefighters so the women don't splatter against the concrete. The red head jumps first. SWOOSH! The firefighters pull the blanket away and the red head hits the concrete with a loud thud. Of Coarse she dies. It is the brunettes turn. "You guys are just going to Pull the blanket away!" Says the brunette. "Nah, We just hate Red Heads." Says the firefighters. The brunette jumps and the firefighters pull the blanket away. The burnette hits the ground with a sickening THUMP. The Blonde has to jump now. "Yall are gonna pull the blanket away! Just set the blanket on the ground and back away..............."

    One day two zebra's,Tom and John, were out eating grass. John says," I wonder if I'm black with white stripes, or white with black stripes." "Go ask God." Says Tom.

    So John goes and asks God. When he gets back, Tom says,"What did God say?" "He said You are what you are." Says John. "You must be white with black stripes." Said Tom. "How do you know?" Asks John. Tom says," Because then God wouldv'e said 'Yo is what Yo is' ".

    Source(s): Just some jokes.
  • 1 decade ago

    A man was in a doctors office and the doctor walked in and said, ok what do you need today sir.

    The man pulled down his pants and showed the doctor his beat up, bruised, and bleading penis.

    The doctor said, damn how did you do that?

    The man said well I live in a trailor, and every night I have noticed that the woman in the trailor next to mine at exactally 9:00pm, she moves her rug where there is a hole in the floor, she sticks a hot dog in the hole and masterbates with it.

    So one day I got an idea at 8:45pm I would go under her trailor and when she put the hot dog in the hole I would pull it out and stick my penis in the hole.

    So that night I did, and it was going great untill someone knocked on the door and she tried to kick it under the oven!

  • 1 decade ago

    Two guys are in the middle of the street

    One guy pulls the other guys trousers down and says

    'I thought you were crazy, but now I see your nuts!'

    LOL

    I think its funny =]

    <3

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  • 1 decade ago

    (I didn't make these up, but they're funny)

    One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

    Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says 'You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor,get out of here.'The astonished Chinese man replied 'It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese'.'Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,'replied Spielberg.

    In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says 'You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship.' Shocked, Spielberg replies 'It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.'The Chinese replies,'Iceberg, Spielberg, Jarlsberg,you're all the same.'

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Two cows are standing in a field and one says to the other, "I'm getting really worried about that mad cow disease."

    And the other says "I'm not."

    So the first cow looks perplexed and said "How come?"

    "'Cos I'm a helicopter!!!"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up.

    Holmes: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."

    Watson: "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life. What does it tell you, Holmes?

    Holmes: "Watson you idiot, somebody has stolen out tent!"

    Source(s): Yahoo Answers from the past :)
  • 1 decade ago

    Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

    Source(s): Up
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    a husband asks his wife "tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time" she answers "you have the biggest knob out of all your mates !!

  • 1 decade ago

    whats the opposite of christopher reeves? christopher walken!

  • 1 decade ago

    What do you call a three legged donkey?

    A Wonky!!!!!!

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