I feel like i watched all the good times of my life go by without realising. How do i start again?
This is long winded guys.
I am 21, and i live with my boyfriend. Weve been together around 3 years and we moved in together after only a few months. we bought the place together so there are some pretty big ties there. our relationship is fine, were both happy and in love but sometimes i feel like a single mom. im constantly cleaning up his mess, doing laundry and cooking and i just dont ever finish.
i work 3 jobs, a 9-5 mon to fri and 2 different bars over the weekend, i dont have a day where im not working. I have to do this because i dont earn enough to pay bills AND buy essentials.
He has on very well paid job, so well paid that what i get from three jobs still doesnt add up to what he gets from one! money never used to be this tight but when he lost his job a few months in, it took him 2 - 3 months to find another one and we're still trying to catch up.
i pay a little less than him towards the house but every day is a bigger struggle.
Also, we met when i was still at performance school, doing around four, two hour dance lessons a week, so for someone who went through high school with common weight fluctuations, you can imagine how amazing i felt to have such a nice figure. Ive always had a pretty face and huge boobs but to have an actual waist was the best moment of my life... however i didnt actually notice how good i looked, and felt, until now.
I looked over old pictures of me from about 2008, and although im still fairly attractive, i was really attractive then. Whats sad about it is that all the male attention i used to get i thought was all for a joke.
i never make an effort anymore, i wear makeup but only basics, i never style my hair anymore and i always wear clothes that are comfortable.. and we all know what that means, baggy pants and tee's.
i dont have time to excersise, if i tried to squeeze it in i would be exhausted. im up at 5 every day and dont get to bed til gone midnight!
i cant drive yet (failed test and cant afford another just yet!) so its not like id save time that way.
i love performing and working 3 jobs never gives me an opportuinity to do so, but i am going to see 2 of my friends once a week to practice for an hour before work.. not for anythign in particular, i think they just know how sad i am.
i find myself saving money to buy a killer outfit for my next night out, and i n ow have a collection thats been building up for 2 years because i never go anywhere, still with tags on, and half of which dont fit any more because i have gained weight fromhaving a desk job. My boyfriend goes out nearly every friday with his friends, and always says its just the guys, but then i find out they all took their girlfriends, but he tells me he didnt know they were going. i feel he is embarrassed to be seen with me.
i havent piled the weight on, its probably 2 dress sizes if that, but i feel like my boyfriend doesnt fancy me anymore and thats the sad thing.... its been 3 years and im not even mid 20's.
Just, read through this, and then try to remember im 21, because i have to keep telling myself that.
If any one has gotten this far down and read it all the way, thank you, and if u have any advice to give i would really appreciate anything you hav to say.
- JodyLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
Well, Katie, it sounds like you've let the important things go, the things you cared about most, in order to have your home, boyfriend and "essentials."
I would take those pictures and put them up ont he fridge and tell yourself every day, you are gonna be that size again and you're gonna do what it takes to get there, even if it's slow at first.
Think about giving up something to join your boyfriend on Friday nights. If he can afford it without working on the weekends, so should you. Think about splitting the house payment percentage wise according to how much you each make. He should be more than willing to be fair about it.
The truth is you're paying more than your fair share, working more than your fair share, taking care of him more than your fair share, staying home and cleaning more than your fair share, cooking and doing more laundry than your fair share, sacrificing more than your fair share to keep the relationship together.
If he's not willing to be fair about it, like maybe he should being paying 70% and you should be paying 30% of the payment and utilities, then he's using you for his advantage. Especially since you do all the household chores and clean up after him. Just stop doing that. Let him clean up his own messes and do his own laundry. You have better things to do than be a full time mother to a grown man who is treating you very badly and charging you disproportionately and lying to you every Friday night while he's out partying and raising hell as a single guy.
You didn't gain weight from having a desk job, you gained weight from overeating. Sounds like you're depressed and who wouldn't be? You said you're happy and in love, but your friends know you're sad. I believe your friends.
There is no fun in your life, it's all work, work, work. You buy beautiful clothes and have had no one all this time take you out to wear them. This is wrong Katie and it is very sad. And I believe your gut feeling, that your boyfriend doesn't want to be seen with you - but not because he's embarrassed of you.
Maybe you and your two girlfriends should make a discrete visit to his Friday night get together, keep your distance and just watch what's going on. IT's time.
With all the money you save on the house and utilities, you can take dance lessons. Good luck to you and God Bless you. Now set things right.
- Razor's EdgeLv 61 decade ago
You need to learn to "live in the now" (present moment). Otherwise life will pass you by.