Help with a disrespectful 5 year old?
I am divorced for over a year. My son is 5 and will start school this August. I have recently started to see someone, and my son has been making remarks to him like "My Daddy is going to beat you up", and hits him and tells him how ugly he is. He has said ugly things to my Mother when she keeps him - like when she takes away a toy for his behavior, he says "you hate me" or "I don't like you anymore, you're mean". I know he's only 5, and I know that kids go through this stage, and he's probably feeling a little left out because Mommy's attention isn't on him 24/7 like it used to be. But I have to move on with my life. I am thinking of moving in with my bf, but this is the only thing that is hindering me. Any takers on this one?
I love my son, and I DO spank him, but I don't see how spanking will help since he's only being a boy.
P.S. I have not and will not spank him for THIS problem, I just wanted you to be aware that he DOES get spanked when he refuses to listen. (after I've told him 5 or 6 times)
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Sorry but I have to disagree with you. Spanking him is exactly what you need to do for THIS problem. Being disrespectful and hitting adults is not "only being a boy"; it is blatant disrespect and should be dealt with accordingly.
As for the other points:
You love your son - I absolutely believe that or you wouldn't be here trying to resolve this issue.
He is not the center of your attention 24/7 - well the world does not revolve around him and that's just one of life's lessons that all children must learn at one point or another, regardless of married or single parents.
He misses his daddy - that's normal. how involved is daddy is his life?
You have to move on - yes you do, and that's just another fact that your son will have to accept. You are not trying to replace his daddy but you do have a right to be happy as well.
- 1 decade ago
without knowing the relationship between you and your ex, it's hard to say how invovled the father is in your son's life and if he the ex is spiteful of your new beau as well. I also must say I am not a therapist, but I do know that divorce is hard at any age when your a kid. So if you have not talked to a pro about how to deal with your son's feelings about mommy and daddy not living together anymore, I highly suggest you call someone and schedule an appointment.
With him being rude and hitting your new beau and the guy still is sticking around and potentially wants you to move in, I give him some major credit cause a lot people would have bailed a long time ago. So since this guy is potentially going to be helping raise your son, talk to him about it as well and get his opinion. When your son back talks his grandmother, well some of that is just him pushing his boundries to see what he can get away with, so I would tale to my mom and let her know it is ok to discipline him the same way you do.
On spanking I am a fiem beliver that kids need boundries and that spanking, not beating is ok. This is more for those who have told you that spanking is wrong. Each kids responds to discpline differently, if time outs and talks don't work for your kid, smack them on the bottom lightly if you choose too do so. It doesn't mean your kid will grow up to be a hitter or thank it is ok to bully other kids around. That is what parenting is, it is teaching your child what is right and wrong. If you spank them and still teach them the difference between punishment and cruelity they will know the difference.
I do recommend reading the book, "The New Strong-Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson. It gives some great insight on dealing with what you son seems to be doing.Source(s): mom of 23 mth old. and product of a divorced family who spanked.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
First of all, STOP SPANKING HIM! That's cruel and heartless! However, you must do something about your son's rude behavior. Sit him down, and talk. Tell him that it is not ok to hit or call names. Back to the spanking, your son won't care because if you spank him, he'll think it's ok to hit others. After talking with your son, talk to your boyfriend. Ask him more about how he feels about parenting and your son in particular, because If he isn't ready to take on that challenge, then you cannot move in with him, or continue to see him. Your son is ALWAYS the most important man in your life. No matter who else walks in.
Good luck and hope this helped!
- 1 decade ago
He doesn't understand what it means to hurt someone's feelings, and you should have a serious conversation with him. Explain that he's not just being rude to everyone else, but to you as well by treating your mother and "friends" like that. Ask him how it would feel if someone had all these nasty things to say to him. Try to come up with examples where he may have been treated like that and ask him how it made him feel. Don't punish him with spankings, but make him write apology letters (with your help obviously) to the people he's being rude to. Have him repeat the apology letter outloud (with your help) so he can hear exactly what he sounds like when he's going off on people. Its all about self realization, and kids seldom understand what they sound or look like when they're acting up.
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
Well he is going through this stage of behavior because he is used to being the center of attention.
But what you need to do is when ever he makes a rude remark to him send him to his room for a while and see if he learns better than to be rude. And if he continuously still behaves this way then ground him for the day.
- Anonymous4 years ago
it is as a results of fact she is in kindergarten with a sparkling team of toddlers who may well be disrespectful and returned refer to their father and mom. She is gaining information of by ability of commentary of her friends. My daughter has purely grew to become 5 and remains in pre-ok, yet i've got observed at the instant she provides me sassy solutions or recommendations-set. I tell her to end the recommendations-set or I start up doing away with privileges or toys. I provide her one warning and then the subsequent time I eliminate observing television. If she starts off talking returned I tell her to think of roughly what she is approximately to assert or she would lose extra issues. Spanking at this age for backtalking makes no sense. you are able to reason with a 5 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous on her point. If she is conscious you will start to eliminate issues she likes or enjoys, she's extra susceptible to alter her recommendations-set. i'm hoping this helps, stable success to you.
- Karen AnnaninaLv 51 decade ago
Maybe your son just misses his dad?
maybe he just wants to call attention to himself.
sometimes boys just dont learn by spanking. my brother is a great example...
btw, as long as your son is being disrespectful, you have the right to spank him. its not cruelty or abuse until its for no reason, so just ignore those other comments
- 1 decade ago
What you need to do is find something they can bond over.
Hes not going to fully accept things as its confusing for him
You could ask his father to talk to him about it too.
I wouldnt recomend spanking him over this matter as he dosent really know whats going on.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
you're the boss so figure it out