Still haunted by Mormon doctrine after leaving....?

I grew up Christian and was extremely firm in my faith. During a time of questioning my faith and spiritual weakness, I converted to the LDS church (for reasons I don't even want to go into). There was a time when I really honestly believed in this church. I loved it, and felt happy. Then, I went to the... show more I grew up Christian and was extremely firm in my faith. During a time of questioning my faith and spiritual weakness, I converted to the LDS church (for reasons I don't even want to go into). There was a time when I really honestly believed in this church. I loved it, and felt happy. Then, I went to the temple...that was the beginning of the end for me. I know that there are a lot of Mormons out there that have gone to the temple and think it is a beautiful and spiritual thing, and to those people I mean absolutely no disrespect. But for me, the temple rituals seemed satanic and scary and just plain wrong. After that, I really started having trouble with my faith in the LDS church, and put a ton of effort into forcing myself to get over it and believe it....but I couldn't do it.

I have now left the church, but I still find that bits and pieces of the doctrine still haunt me, and I think they are still affecting how I think about God and religion....for example, the preexistence, the concept of marriage after heaven, levels of heaven, etc.


I really want to shake this and somehow find a way to get back to the faith I had before all of this....I really messed things up. I need God so badly right now, but I feel like I don't even know Him after all of this. I don't know how to start fresh.
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