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xyz asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 10 years ago

i'm a stay at home mom and need help with people who think im kid sitting service.?

my inlaw has 3 kids that go to same school as mine, she is doing university fulltime and wants to work fulltime, and u guessed it, she needs my help. i have helped her for past 4 years(while at local college) with all kids,sometimes free sometimes she would pay me, not much. i would bring the kids home with me after schoolcuz of her schedule. i felt very stressed and my kids and hubby notice it. the kids dads gramas dont help. i cant do it anymore, my kids 3 & 8 are a hand full themselves. what is a nice way of saying i understand but i cant sit no more.

Update:

im going back to school myself and i dont have someone to help me, and she cant help me she's single mom and has to work. she will still expect me to help.

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    If you are anything like me, being confronted,face to face and sticking to your guns, when being put in an awkward position, is almost impossible to do.

    First, decide what, when, for how much you are willing to help...if at all. Then ask if you can have someone else set the stage for your discussion with her. Maybe your husband can mention how stressed you are, how much he feels bad for you and knows that you have such a good heart it is difficult for you to say NO.

    Or maybe a letter that addresses the issue, of how you hate to say no, but it is becoming increasingly difficult for you to maintain your home/family with the additional burden of caring for her kids as well.

    Whatever way you choose, you will end up being nasty and resent both your in-law and the children if you feel bullied into agreeing to something that you can't.

    If you go face to face, talk as you are washing dishes/chores(something that takes direct eye contact away) and state what you are NOT willing to do from the start.

    Express it in a way that tells her that you would love to be able to help, thought you could, but find that it is affecting your health/stress level and that it is not fair to your own family (make sure your family is in agreement if they are asked).

    If she's that numb, it may end badly, but be nice and stick to your guns. You are not the bad guy!!!

    Good luck!

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  • Pink08
    Lv 7
    10 years ago

    Take a deep breath and say it. Tell her that having extra kids around stresses you out and you can't handle other kids along with your own.

    Keep telling her no, you can't help her out anymore. Don't be her victim. She is working and can pay someone to babysit. Just because you are related by marriage doesn't mean she is free to take advantage of you.

    Just say, "No."

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  • Ava
    Lv 7
    10 years ago

    that is a tough situation, Im sorry you have to deal with it. its one of those things that no matter how polite you are, its still going to be awkward and she still may be resentful, even though its not your fault. first off, is there a price you'd accept? if she can buy you out, let her. otherwise tell her that you are sorry but you wont be able to help her for your own personal reasons, and that it is nothing against her kids or her personally.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    when she asks you tell her you are very busy and have to run errands and dont have time for all the kids. or lie to her and tell her you are getting a job and have to find a sitter for your kids if you cant use the busy thing. Good luck! i hate when people feel they can use you.

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  • Angie
    Lv 5
    10 years ago

    yell her you are going back to college soon and can no longer accommodate her children but you can help her look into daycare options

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