I truly believe that the only way to cement a romantic relationship with a man is by having a child?

I know they say kids don't keep a man but it is a lifelong commitment so why not?

if the relationship is good or bad I truly do believe a child is a way to emotionally cement that man into your life?

I know many people will disagree...so why do I honestly feel this way?

Do you know any women who have done this and how did the situation turn out?

I need "help" I want to get this dumb notion out of my head

I'm 24 I should know better

23 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago
    Best Answer

    By cement, are you referring to the cement boots the mob gives informants before dropping them over the side of the boat?

    I have 3 kids with my ex. I stayed around longer than I probably would have otherwise because of the kids, but I can't honestly say that the relationship was romantic during that entire period.

    j0e

  • Greta
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Despite what others might say, it can cement the relationsship if you BOTH want children, and, if you are not married then you must also be prepared to bring up the child alone if he decides that he no longer wants to be involved. A marriage is a more solid commitment whereas just a relationship can be an escape clause for either partner. Either partner can still leave a marriage but the consequences are more dire. If the man doesn't want children, ever, then having a child will just cause resentment within him. You need to talk with his parents to see if his ideals as a parent would suit bringing up a child or whether he is too immature to understand the responsibilities. An immature man will leave you but a responsible man will accept the child even if he did not want to have children. If the relationship involves violence, illicit drug use, alcohol abuse or irresponsible behaviour like excessive gambling, or petty crimes like shop-lifting etc then I would advise against having a child in this relationship until both of you accept responsibilities for being adults.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    No. No, no, no, no. Just NO.

    First of all, if that were true then there would be no single mothers OR single fathers, no need for child support, no deadbeat parents and no absentee parents. Children don't cement a relationship - EVER. The only way to "cement" a relationship is for the two people involved in it to completely commit to each other, forsaking all others, to share mutual love and respect, and to have no desire to ever be with anyone else ever again. A child is a blessing, and the icing on the cake. Besides, any woman who gets pregnant for the sole purpose of keeping her man around is getting pregnant for the WRONG reason, and the child will be the one to suffer for it. Perhaps a decent guy will stick around out of duty to the CHILD, but certainly not out of duty to the woman. And why on earth would you even WANT a man who only stayed because of the child? Why wouldn't you want him to stay because of YOU?

    And not everyone sees having a baby as a "lifelong commitment". I personally know a woman whose husband left her when she was four months pregnant, came back after the baby was born, got her pregnant again and then left again, at four months pregnant. He has since signed over rights to his children and has never made an attempt to be in their lives again. The world is unfortunately full of people exactly like him.

  • Having a child is the icing on the cake for a good relationship. However children put a lot of pressure on a relationship too.

    I do not believe in bringing a baby into a relationship which is unstable. It is selfish and cruel to bring up a child in a volatile atmosphere, where nothing is stable and all they hear is arguements.

    So no, I don't believe having a child can cement just any relationship but a good one maybe.

    Source(s): Married mother of two :)
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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Times have changed, men no longer feel that they have to compromise on their own happiness if they have a child - there are so many single mothers around.

    When I first read your question, I thought you meant that having a child is the true 'test' of a relationship, and I'd agree with that - It must be one of the most challenging things a couple can experience, but it only works if there's a good grounding there intially.

  • ロキ
    Lv 5
    10 years ago

    I was a teenage father. However, my girlfriend didn't have the notion that you do. We weren't planning to have kids but....sh1t happens. Most guys actually do end up leaving if their girlfriend is pregnant. They didn't want commitment in the first place. (I stayed with my girl. We've been married a loooong time.)

    The reason you feel this way can be derived from many things: low self-esteem, bad relationships, feelings of inadequacy....

    It's not worth getting knocked up to try and get a guy to stay with you. IMHO, that's when you've reached desperation.

    Source(s): No offense meant. Peace.
  • 10 years ago

    I understand your reasoning but men leave their pregnant girlfriends, their non-pregnant girlfriends, their pregnant wives and their non-pregnant wives. I think if you're in a long-term committed relationship where both of you want to be together in the future and are looking at a life-long commitment/marriage then having a biological or adopted child together will solidify you as a family but it doesn't guarantee longevity in the relationship. Many married or non-married men have walked on out wives and girlfriends who are the mother's of their children (my fiance included who left his mentally abusive ex-girlfriend when his son was only a few days old but is still as much of a full-time dad as his job allows him to be ie. we have him at our house with our children three days and two nights every week - obviously, he's in the minority as many father's don't want their children for so long/can't because they have other commitments/have problems with the mother preventing this).

    I think that in a stable long-term relationship children can enhance the bond you have.

  • 10 years ago

    The first answer said it well. Men live their women all the time, whether they are childless, pregnant, living together with a child, married with children, married without children... Having a child with him will not make him stay. It's only a bunch of maybes. MAYBE he'll actually love you. MAYBE he will be a good father to your child. MAYBE he will be a shitty father. MAYBE he will run away. It's not a surefire way to make him stick around.

    I think the rest question is: Do you want to be with a man who doesn't truly love you? Do you want to be with a man who is sticking around only because you have a child together? Do you want to be with a man who wants to be with someone else, but feels forced to stay with you, causing him, and probably you, to be unhappy, and causing one or both of you to cheat on the other? Do you want your child to ever find out that he was born to keep his dad around? Do you want your child to grow up being influenced by a relationship built on lies? Do you want your child to grow up in a dysfunctional home?

    And are you ready to be a single mom if your plan doesn't work out like you thought?

  • 10 years ago

    if a man feels that you got pregnant on purpose just to trap him he will more than likely still leave.

    my boyfriend has said it to me like this in the past "i love you and i want to be with you, if i did not having that baby would not keep me here. i would leave and just pay my child support and get rid of my burdens. but that's not what i want." needless to say it doesn't secure anything. and having a baby is stressful. if anything it could cause more problems. causing you to fight more even maybe causing a break-up or something. so having a kid does not secure anything. thats like saying getting married will secure it. eh no, theres divorce. having a baby will not make anything secure. its only as secure as the relationship its self is. however you could be reading this wrong. you could just want a child. and then when you think about it well having a child will make him part of my life forever, yes it could but thats you wanting a child.

    i don't know it just sounds like you are insecure about your relationship and why would you want to have children with someone you are unsure about?!?

  • 10 years ago

    I have a quite a few friends who had gotten pregnant and the guys left them or never had any intention of seeing their child. One friend of mine actually found a great guy and they had a baby together. So overall, I think having a child just to keep a guy around is a very bad idea unless the guy is fully committed and wants the child also.

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