sounds to me like your still married to the US navy & okay you have been raise with discipline, but your wife is a woman, not a soldier in the US navy, so treat her like a woman, otherwise you might be, either out on your ear, or become single again!
Whats wrong with you helping around the home, after all said & done housework & preparing meals isn't always women's work!
I think you might find, that if you stop treating your wife like she's one of your collegues from the navy & treat her more like a woman, she just might want to look after all your needs!
You mention that your not a male chavounistic, But in my opinon, I think you are, I'm sorry to say!
You need to change your attitude towards your wife, so she will want to serve you meals & prepare your laundry.