my husband wont have sex with me?

I have been with my husband for 2 years...he works outside of the country so i get to see him at least 4 times a year for a period of 10 days on each visit. Our sex life was just okay on all the other visits but on my last one...we never had sex at all. He tells me he loves me so much and all, we hugged kissed cuddled all the time...he would show me off to his friends wanting everyone to know im his show public affection (its almost natural to us) but thats all it was!!! I tried to ask him why the lack of intimacy and hed just say...if i could stop askin for it maybe hed give it to me, the more i talk the more he juss cant. I thought this was some form of emotional abuse..but never the less..i stopped askin n all but still..nothin happened. We juss continued with the kissing cuddlin n all that until i sat him down n he said to me it wasn my fault, he was havin a physical problem..he mentioned somethin to do with his scrotum or somethin, n he would visit the washroom every 5 i dont kno just felt like he wasnt feeling me...i felt so unloved and unwanted and unattractive! It was such a huge blow to my self esteem like seriously who wouldnt want to have sex with his wife he hasnt seen in 4 months. Oh and what made it worse was that 3 months before i visited i found out he had a one night stand nd he truly apologized for it, so i guess whilst im tryna get over the infedelity, he wont have sex with me it sounds like hes ben faithful to someone else who is not me. Do you think guilt and stress may have anything to do with this...i feel like walkin away...please help!!

16 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You only see him 4 times a year and he's not interested in sex... you bring it up and he tells you that you are bringing it up too much? He had a "one night stand?" I think the writing is on the wall and he is involved with another woman. I don't like that he is angry with you for bringing it up too much. This tells me that he is a selfish man! I would insist on counseling or you are heading for a divorce (his fault too). If is a medical issue, he needs a doctor, but the fact that there is a problem, that he keeps visiting, in the bathroom, makes me suspect that he's picked up a venereal disease. He doesn't know how to handle this, because he's screwed, in more ways than one.

  • Debra
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    He could be cheating or having an affair. If you are fighting all of the time this can also contribute to no sex. He could also be addicted to porn, another very likely scenario which is actually very common among men. He doesn't love you anymore and he definitely does not respect you. If any man called me a ***** just once he would be kicked out the door and never come back. Religion or not, divorce IS an option when there is abuse in your marriage like this, especially when it turns physical. God doesn't want his children to suffer, remember? And if any religion teaches against God's own word they are not worth sticking with anyway. You should get a job and get your own source of income, first of all. Establish a new home for yourself and separate from him as soon as possible. He obviously is not a very good religious person if he is using language like that and treating his wife like a piece of crap. God does not condone activity like that. Trust me on this, you need to set yourself apart from everything and everyone and do what is right for you. Abuse is nothing to stick around for no matter what your beliefs. As I said find work and at least better the situation by being a little more independent. He may think he rules you because he thinks you need him. Well, show him you don't need him or his abuse and that you can do anything because you are a woman. Financial abuse is a very real form of abuse in many marriages and relationships, and I wouldn't encourage it by sticking around and being his little punching bag. Good luck to you :)

  • 10 years ago

    It sounds like he is definitely cheating on you, sorry. When a man makes up excuses for not wanting sex, and those excuses last for more than just that one time, he's usually cheating. He may have told you about his one night stand but that may have turned into a relationship that he wasn't ready to admit to you. Or he may just being seeing someone else who isn't the same woman that he told you about. Either way, this man is definitely cheating on you. Even if it's not physically, it could be emotional and since he has that emotional connection with someone else, he'd prefer not to sleep with you. Walk away from the situation, hun.

  • 10 years ago

    Some people shut down when pressured. They literally CAN'T do something if forced.

    There is a brain condition and psychological condition that describes this. I can't remember the brain condition but the psychological term is 'oppositional defiant disorder'.

    As soon as someone starts to put pressure on them to begin or end a behavior, they lock themselves and and CANNOT be reasonable and comply - no matter how drastic the punishment or grand the reward. They just CAN'T

    If you want to know if your man is like this... tell him you never want to have sex again... he will be all about the sex... My wife is this way. She will go weeks without sex until I tell her that she added that last straw and I am done with sex... then she wants it every day.

    The problem with that is... I really don't want to have sex with her anymore because of her disorder. I have been with reasonable women who care sexually... it's amazing and a man can never feel so loved...

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  • 10 years ago

    Either he has an STD and doesnt want to give it to you. Or he is into someone else and feels more committed to her. Its probably the 1st. Most men wont turn down sex for anything. So if he does have an STD that means he has been habitually cheating on you and probably with random chicks. So count your blessing that you didnt sleep w/ him, demand he tell you whats up, and seriously consider getting out. Good luck

  • He might have contracted something he doesn't want to share. I'm surprised you still have a relationship with someone you see a few times a year. If he had one fling, he has had many.

    Get out and find someone to treat you right that you actually see regularly.

  • 10 years ago

    Don't walk Run!! Sounds like Hes GAY........ I wasted 10 years of my life with the same kinda guy

    after i left the truth came out he was Gay. He used me and my son as a front.

  • 10 years ago

    He is cheating and may have a STD. It may be best that you don't sleep with him because you could get what he has. If he is capable of having one night stands he is capable of cheating. Divorce him. He has broken his marriage vows.

  • A
    Lv 7
    10 years ago

    I'd say he may have a std and has to wait for it to clear or you'll catch it. Perhaps he is still seeing that one night stand!

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    He has an STD and is avoiding infecting you.

    You might want to negotiate the rules of your open marriage.

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