is this a good fan fiction story? please give your opinion :)?
one tree hill. its not meant to sound like professional or anything. just the story line. it's not finished.
Brooke Davis is in her shop and a Alex (15) walks in with a cross shoulder bag on one shoulder. Alex asks Brooke if there are any jobs available at her shop. Brooke says that she desperately need someone so she gives Alex a application form. A couple of days later Alex walks in and hands Brooke the completed application form. Brooke discusses it with her colleague from work and they decide to give Alex the job.
After about a month, Alex and Brooke become very close. Alex is usually very happy at work and gets along with everyone but then suddenly becomes very quite and unhappy. Brooke notices bruises on Alex’s arms and neck at work. It looks like Alex has tried to cover them up with make-up. Brooke becomes very suspicious and worried but doesn’t say anything about them to Alex.
A few days later when Haley is at Brooke’s house, Brooke asks if Alex is in her class. Haley says that she has her the next day and wonders why Brooke asked. Brooke asks her if she would talk to her about the bruises on her arms and neck. So Haley says she would do that. Brooke says that she is very concerned but asks Haley not to say that she asked her. Brooke goes to work after.
Just before Brooke walks into her shop you see Alex in front of a mirror in the changing room with her top lifted up and you see bruised ribs and she is crying. She touched her ribs and gasps ini pain. Brooke walks in and Alex jumps, pulls her top back down and wipes her eyes. Brooke is talking then looks at Alex and stops in the middle of a sentence. She asks Alex if she had been crying but Alex denies it. Brooke tells Alex that she can tell her anything but Alex still denies it and says she is fine.
At school the next day when Alex is in Haley’s class, Haley is walking up and down the class room. She walks past Alex and notices the bruises. When she walks past Alex again she crouched down beside her and asks her to stay behind at the end of the lesson. So at the end Alex walks up to Haley’s desk and Haley tells her to take a seat. Haley asks her about the bruises and as soon as she mentions them Alex’s eyes start to water and she puts her head down and tries not to cry. Alex tells Haley that she fell down the stairs. Haley doubts her and questions her about how she fell down the stairs. Haley tells her that she believes her but she really doesn’t. She tells Alex that she is going to phone her mother but Alex tells her that her mum walked out on her about a week ago and she has no idea where she is. Alex tells her that she lives with her father. So Haley tells her she will phone her dad. Alex says that there is no need and looks worried but Haley says she has to because she is very concerned.
Haley tells Brooke the next that Alex and her dad both said she fell down the stairs but they are still not convince. Brooke says that new bruises keep appearing so she couldn’t have fallen.
Haley phones Alex’s dad, Paul, and tells him that she noticed bruises on her arm and neck and Paul tells her the exact same thing that Alex told her. She also says that she thinks Alex is having a hard time coping with her mother walking out on her and says that she thinks Alex should have counseling to talk about it. Paul says that that is a good idea. She asks him if he knew anyone that would want to hurt Alex including him but her says nobody would and still says she fell down the stairs. Haley tells him that she is sorry to bother him and he says that it is okay so Haley thinks he is putting on a nice guy act when she really thinks he is hurting Alex.
That day when Alex goes home after school, Paul looks very angry. He says he had a call from her teacher and he says that she should have hid the bruises better. He says he thought she had expensive make-up that would cover them but she says she ran out of money because she had to pay for alcohol for him. He gets really angry at this and starts punching her. She is screaming. Next scene is Paul sitting on the sofa with a beer and Alex walking past. She had bruises and scratches on her face and a black eye. She says she is going to work but Paul says she must put make-up on her face to cover them up with. Alex starts to well up and says that if he would just stop hitting her, she wouldn’t have to go into so much trouble. But he ignores her. She tries to quietly sneak out the door but it makes a noise. Paul shouts but Alex quickly runs out the door without putting make up on and Paul runs after her but loses sight of her when he gets outside.
Brooke is alone in the shop and Alex walks in. Brooke gasps and walks over to her. Alex tried so hard not to cry. Brooke asks her what happened. Alex doesn’t reply. Brooke asks if it was her dad. Alex nods and bursts out crying. Brooke hugs her. Brooke tells her it’s okay. Alex says it’s not okay because she doesn’t know what to do.
- 10 years agoFavorite Answer
sure, the plot seems fine. I think there are a lot of grammatical errors in there that you should watch for when you actually write... I noticed that with past tense verbs you would have something like "she wasn't convince" when it should have been 'convinced' this could have been a simple typo, but it seems to me that this mistakes was around a lot, and you might have not known for some reason that you have to change the ending of the verbs.
I've never seen one tree hill, so I was just reading through it the way I would read through a normal plot. It has a lot of description for an outline, which is good. That should help you from getting stuck on what comes next when you actually write it all out.
So far the plot seems fine, but since it got cut off before the ending (I'd suppose that this isn't the ending...) and the ending is such an important aspect for any plot I don't really know whether it is all good or not. If you end it well, it should make for a really good story...
Oh, another thing to be sure of is that since this is a fan fiction you want to keep the characters in character and everything. Ugh, I don't see the point in writing fan fictions when you could just come up with your own characters to be in your plot... Perhaps this plot is mainly from One Tree Hill to begin with though, I wouldn't know since I haven't seen the show. i would highly suggest that if the plot is something purely original from your imagination you write it as an actual story and use your own characters. It would be much better that way.
P.S. this is only an outline, right? It's like just a list of things you need to have happen and it isn't in any way the actual writing? Because if so, then the answer would change to 'no' because writing shouldn't look like that. Ever.
- cochrunLv 43 years ago
I do not feel one is tougher than the opposite. I've continuously written long-established fiction however lately attempted a fan fiction. The problems are special, however they're there all of the identical. Obviously in an long-established fiction, you need to uncover the entire inspiration on your own. But recommendations sort of have a tendency to arise on their possess so there is now not that so much challenge concerned in that. The truly challenge can be to tweak the long-established inspiration and make it evolve into anything honestly well. On the opposite hand, the important challenge of fan fiction is to make it are compatible into the long-established and ensure it respects the long-established textual content however whilst manipulate to make it your possess. That approach you need to understand the long-established paintings backward. You need to ensure you recognize the long-established ideas, the long-established international, the long-established characters progress in order that they are the identical to your tale however nonetheless uncover in which they have got room to adapt your means. It's a entire special sort of recreation. Personally, I've needed to paintings plenty tougher on my fan fiction than I ever needed to paintings on some thing else. PS: I additionally accept as true with the poster above me. I have simply began my first myth long-established fiction and I can already inform it is gonna take a protracted very long time. I've obtained the characters and entire social approach down on paper however I'm nowhere close having a coherent international but. Most of my earlier fictions had been taking situation in our traditional international and that's such a lot less difficult. You can get dressed up your characters with some thing is to your dresser and cause them to stroll down the road. But in a myth you need to ask your self what could the persons of barhdjgus put on? Do they also have streets and in the event that they do could they stroll? It's a entire different ballpark.