Lv 4
Olga asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

Why do peiople expect me to have a ring?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. I am only 22 and neither of us really has any desire to tie the knot. But in the last 4-5 months (the ones coming up on the five year anniversary) I have been getting a lot of odd comments, some even insulting. "Where is the ring?!" "What's wrong with him/you?" "So, I guess you think it's ok to live in sin?" "God wants you to get married. Don't you love god?" Someone really asked that. Most of the offending parties are girls my age. But his friends are asking too. Even family.

The worst happened after the anniversary. He got me a matching set of black and white diamond earrings, necklace and ring. Now the questions are being thrown faster. I try to explain that the ring is just a ring but everyone is conviced I eloped. What is everyones deal? Can't they respect that I don't want to be married yet?

10 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    That's funny. I'm your age and engaged and no one will get off my back about how we are too young.

    For some reason, people seem to be under the impression that they have a license to say whatever they want regarding marriage. A complete stranger has even said something to me about it. "Why do you want to throw your life away?" "You know you'll be divorced within a year, right?" "You know you could just put it up for adoption..." (No, I am not pregnant.) People are just CRAZY rude! I for one think marriage is sacred, and nobody should be discouraging young brides to be OR pushing people who aren't ready. It's just nobody's business but YOURS!

  • 1 decade ago

    a lot of people (especially older generations) can't see beyond the ring. The ring has become the symbol for love and so it is easy for a vulnerable woman to marry because a man will purpose with a huge diamond ring..

    But what it comes down to is people don't understand how two people can be committed without being married, they can't understand that two people would rather be together because they choose to be rather than because they have to by law.

    A lot of people hold the belief that marraige is "going somewhere" in life.. which is true.. especially if you want to have children, it's probably a good idea.. but marraige shouldn't, I think, make so much of a difference to your relationship if you're happy together and are committed to eachother and trust each other to believe so without a ring to "prove" it. Let's face it. The ring is just the cherry on the sundae and the wedding is the yummy hot fudge, but the ice cream is delicious none the less.

    Source(s): same boat, kina (except that I want to get married haha)
  • Jo
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    We were together for 7 yrs before we got married. We knew we loved each other and knew the last thing we'd ever want to have to go thru is a divorce and the whole marriage thing always made me mad. Why do I need some stranger to marry us to prove that I love this man, why do I have to change my father's name and etc etc etc. We got together when I was 17 and around the time I graduated high school he gave me a promise ring just to say that even tho I wasn't ready he'd always be mine and I'd be his. I never kept track of anniversaries and dates but I guess around our 5 yrs he bought me a bigger promise ring. It sounds silly I know but he just wanted to do it and I never wear any other kind of jewelery. All those ugly ppl who like to gossip and judge bugged us ALL the time about getting married and when will we have kids. Don't let them bring you down. Eventually it got to where if someone asked we just smiled said "Nope, maybe one day." Then change the subject or walk away if they kept on. That went on until we got married but it got less and less. If they brought up God we'd shut them down FAST. We'd say how grateful we were that God brought us together but the last thing we want to do is be rushed into something that we're not ready for just to please OTHERS. God knows how we feel and we would rather wait for the right time to be sure getting married is the right thing to do than feel pressured and then have our marriage fall apart. That would be the worst situation and God surely wouldn't want us to go thru that. Then we'd move on. We had that conversation about twice and that was 6 yrs ago. We finally got married in May and I wouldn't have had it any other way, no regrets and no pressure and we're happy.

  • 1 decade ago

    Although I believe in marriage, I cannot stand to see people try to push their opinions and should do this and thats down someone's throat. Unfortunately, everyone has an opinion and each thinks theirs is the right one. Just learn to turn a deaf ear or say you eloped years ago. It is a lie, but, nothing more than these busy bodies deserve. Maybe that's the wrong thing to say, but I believe in "Judge not, lest ye be judged".

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  • 1 decade ago

    ignore them! that's all you can do unfortunately. They just don't understand where you are at, and how you and your bf feel. (I've been there) People are just rude and think that if they are your 'friends' or family that they can ask you what ever they want, but they can't. And God doesn't think that you hate him because you live with your bf (I hope you laughed in there face, because that's so rediculous!)

    Next time some one asks you or says something like that, just say "We don't want to feel pressured to get married and we want to do it when we feel is the perfect time. We will only be married once so we want to enjoy every moment leading up to the engagement and wedding."

    Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    When I met a couple who has known my boyfriend's family for years, I referred to the man as the woman's husband. She quickly corrected me by saying, "We're not married, we're comitted."

    Perhaps you can just tell people you are comitted and just not ready to plan a wedding. If it's strangers, that's about all you can do. If it's close friends and family maybe you need to sit them down and tell them it's upsetting when they pressure you. Perhaps they are excited and want to help plan a wedding, brag about their kid getting married, or is their backhanded way of telling you they love your boyfriend and want him to be a member of the family.

    My friend has recently been dealing with a similar issue, but regarding having a child now that her and her hubby have been married for one year. She gets all kind of pressure and comments like, "You want to have them while your young so you have energy." She's 26! Anyone under the age of 45 who takes care of themselves can have plenty of energy for a child. We still haven't found out what the deal is with all that pressure. Perhaps people are waiting for her to join the "mommy club" to discuss with her. Perhaps the same is true for your married friends and family members. They want you to "drink the kool-aid" so to speak, be a part of their community to reaffirm their beliefs and choices.

    It doesn't make it ok or any less annoying, but I am finding that a lot of annoying things people do and say either come from an insecure about their own selves place, or a loving, we want to support you place.

    Good luck standing your ground.

  • Ms. X
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    You hang out with the wrong people. You are hanging out with ultra judgemental people with different values who do not hesitate inflict them on you. Also IMO, people who attempt to speak for God are ultra-annoying. If some of these people are old friends, you've grown in a different direction. If they're coworkers, discuss work issues only with them. If family, kept your contact with them at a mimimum or as neutral as possible on non-hot button topics..

    If someone asks you a wedding question and they've already asked you the same or a similar question, reply, "I've already answered that and I have nothing further to say." If they press on, repeat,"I've already answered that and I have nothing further to say." They'll get the message.

    If someone new asks one of these things, say, "If Tony and I decide to get married, we'll be sure to let you know." If they say press on, say, "I have nothing further to discuss."

    If they say, "What's wrong with you?" You can do the above or say, "What's wrong with you that you're trying to push your values on me?" Or, "maybe God's told you that he wants me to be married, but he certainly hasn't conveyed that to me!"

    Also, should you get married, the same people will be trying to push you to have children. Be strong and don't let anyone try to force you to get married or have kids when you're not ready.

  • 1 decade ago

    Don´t give into pressure! It´s your relationship, you love each other and thats all that matters. Weather you want to marry later, or never marry, the choice is yours and there´s no reason to ever marry if it´s not important to you. Being married doesn´t give you the moral upper hand, so tell them to stop bothering you and to be happy that you are together and love each other.

  • 1 decade ago

    Nah it's cool. 5 years is one thing, i mean i got married after 3 years. Now when you get a civil union or something like that then a ring would be a good idea.

  • 1 decade ago

    they're just gold-diggers. always want jewelery. Keep on with what you like the best

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