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KitKat asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 1 decade ago

Parents, what would you do if one of your 8yr old daughter's friends slaps her quite hard across the face ...?

... in a fit of anger, then shakes your daughter violently and holds her back so she cannot go tell someone? When the other mom finds out she plays it down and laughs it off, sending her daughter (11yrs old) back out to play?

All reports from the other kids who witnessed it say that the older girl "lost it" when she got embarrassed in front of my 12yr old son (a very crush-worthy strapping, blond/blue-eyed lad) then turned and took it out on my daughter. Is this normal? Have you had this experience?

The slap was hard enough to leave a stinging red mark - I've called the mom and she has yet to return my call. They are so busy remodeling their kitchen, you see.

I am quite upset and want your opinions, here. This is a new one for me.

Thank you, in advance.


****I had no interest in making a police report, but I understand that many would be ready to - it's a sign of the times, I guess. I'm in favor of kids working these things out on their own, and if needing guidance, we should be there for them. More upsetting to me was the fact that her mother wouldn't call to talk, and instead, had her new and very dominant husband (not the father) call me the next evening. Eventually, I got to say my piece, and things should be cool from now on. I hope so - or it's going to be a very long summer.

17 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Children learn by example AND BY NO OTHER WAY. The fault of this problem lies with the girl's parents.

    That said, who is the real victim? And who will be the more moral person?

    It falls to us, those with higher morals, to suffer at the hands of those of lesser repute; and then to literally turn the other cheek.

    No, that isn't just; that isn't right... but it is what must be done. Too many people "seek for justice" when actually they want revenge. I seriously doubt that you are out for revenge but are feeling pressured by that many-tentacled beast called "Society". It's this same Society and "Public Morals" that has spurred Popes to declare war and fuel endlessly the Spanish Inquisition. In the Name of Righteousness, we have people parading around with signs that say, "God hates fags" and burning crosses on front lawns.

    I am personally heart-broken that this happened to your child. I have raised three children and they all have had their moments wherein injustice was dealt to them. It happened to me as a child and it left me morally distraught. It still happens to me as I try to obey traffic laws as I drive.

    The story of Jesus does give us a proper example. We learn by example.

    Is it easy or convenient to do what is right? Not at all. However, I will not budge on my obedience to the law to accommodate law-breaking drivers. Yet those law-breaking citizens constitute "Society". Am I fighting against society? Well, I guess so.

    I would gladly come over to your home and demonstrate by my example that it is possible yet painful to do the right thing. I have the fruits of my labor to prove my case. All three of our children are in their twenties. Not one of them has ever done a single solitary thing that has brought grief to us, their parents. They all wish to live nearby us; two of them are able to do that. The middle daughter has been out on her own since she was 17. She has every opportunity to do whatever she wished with her life. Yet now that she has found a guy who loves her for who she is, her next heartfelt wish is to live near to us.

    That's what I want for you. If, when your daughter has reached adulthood, she desires the most in her heart to remain close to you for your support, love, and trust, what more could you want? Would you really want "justice" so much as Society would have you believe? I don't believe so.

    I hope that these thoughts become yours and that you share them BY EXAMPLE to your daughter and to the offending friend and to the offending parents of that child. Will the offenders respond favorably? Very likely they will not. And once again, the fault lays with them. You will have done the right thing. And I sincerely believe that the entire experience will draw your daughter closer to you.

    Please excuse the length of this answer. However, the subject is of paramount importance if we are ever going to consider ourselves civilized human beings.

    Source(s): These are my true feelings. And as a side note, did it matter at all that I am an atheist?
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  • 1 decade ago

    Well, when my daughter was young she got into a few girl fights a few times and I suppose this is just part of growing up. However, the other little girls were around my daughters age and the 'fights' usually were no more than a little shove or push, grabbing each others toys, etc. You sort of expect this from three, four or five year old kids...certainly not from a 11 year old slapping an 8 year old.

    You have every right to be mad and concerned.

    Your son is a handsome young dude and there will be girl crushes on him. And young girls can get embarrassed easily. But there is no excuse for embarrassment having physical violence as a result.

    I really don't know what to suggest to you if the girl's mother isn't returning your call. What I would do is strongly encourage (if not force) the girl's parents to have her go to some sort of anger management counseling with a professional.

    EDIT: The 11 year old girl who slapped your daughter obviously knew right afterward what she did was wrong. She probably could have made things easier if she instantly apologized for her fit of anger. Instead, she tried to cover it up. Sadly, this may be a reflection on her parents and the way she has been raised so far. If so, either the mother or both parents will try to play the whole thing down instead of accepting responsibilities. If this happens your only recourse may be to report it to Child Welfare.

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  • 5 years ago

    I would call the mother and leave her a message, if you don't call and talk to me about your daughter slapping my daughter, I am going to call the police and I don't mean a week from now, I mean tonight. And the I would tell my son if you see someone hit your sister that is older than her, knock the crap out of her. If your son did something that embarrassed the girl, I would have a word with him too but that gave her no right to hit your daughter even though she may have laughed at the other girl.

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  • 1 decade ago

    No, it is not in any way "normal". This 11-yr-old girl has problems, and they need to be addressed before she really hurts someone. Of course the child must be kept away from your daughter from now on.

    You have to confront the girl's parents, no matter how "busy" they are. If necessary, you can leave a curt voicemail that alludes to legal action -- that should get their attention. Uncle Wayne's suggestion of contacting the police is a good one.

    I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter, and I know you must be quite upset right now. Take a few deep breaths...

    Edit: Quite often, children who act out in violent ways do so because they are being abused, or are witnesses to abuse at home. It's possible that Child Services really needs to get involved here. Just something to think about and/or mention to the girl's parents.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    you know what the right thing to do is. It's just a lose-lose situation. you can not let your daughter be around her unless the friend's parents try to help the girl. the catch is, even if the mom says she'll do something, you'll never know if she really does. in the end, you can't knowingly put your daughter in a situation like that. As the girl gets older she may get worse.

    this is only the opinion of an old man based on limited information. whatever you decide I'm sure will be the right thing

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    :> dont worry i do this all the time but i am 16.... but i used to do this when i was younger but even my little cousins who are 7 and 8 do this 'act' as well its not slutty as you have suggested along with another answer its kinda just what happens these days every1 does it its natural :> this is how most girls at my school greet eachother (except like the emo, depressed, nerdi, teachers pets + all the inbetweens) but this is the most common way to say hello :> if you can call your own daughter a 16 year old s;lut well then she must be pretentious at home just make sure you pull her into line and make sure that if she wants something that you dont give it to her on a silver lined cloud and she cannot just demand things just be easy on her as she sounds normal as all eight year olds go through the im the best stage....its a part of girlhood and to someone who said they are girly girly girly girls well not tru this is how even tomboys at my school speak so yer and to someone else who said no1 in there school does it well your school sounds sad!!!! get some cool people then...

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  • 1 decade ago

    It's bad behavior, no question about it.

    I don't really know what the best approach is. I would not want to make too much of a case of it, since the girl is a child herself, but clearly someone needs to take some sort of corrective action for this behavior.

    I would suggest going to visit the girl's parents. Describe what happened and accept their apology if they offer it. Also, the girl should apologize to your daughter.

    If you take this matter to police they will likely take little or no action, although an officer who works with kids might be persuaded to accompany you to talk to the parents. (I have known some officers who would do this.)

    Growing up I took my share of abuse from other kids, and my sons have also taken their share. It still isn't right.

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  • 1 decade ago

    That behavior probably winds up in Michigan Law in the category of bullying, but because the slap left a mark, it may cross the line into physical abuse.

    I'm having a hard time finding what recourse you have when I google "child on child assault michigan law" -- it brings up lots of stuff about domestic and familial abuse.

    I'll keep looking...Here in California, we can call the police; I expect you can there as well. I just want to find the right jargon for your report, because that makes all the difference. So like many of your other responders, I'm with Uncle Wayne.

    EDIT: check as well...

    Here's another...,1607,7-124-5452_7119...

    am having a dickens of a time finding anything referencing child on child aggression and battery. At the very least, check with these organizations. This child--and her family--need serious counseling. But a good scare from the Police is a good start.

    Also...a very worthwhile book: (I have two copies -- one for a loaner.)

    By Robert Shaw, M.d.:

    The Epidemic: The Rot of American Culture, Absentee and Permissive Parenting, and the Resultant Plague of Joyless, Selfish Children (Regan Books, subsidiary of HarperCollins)

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  • 1 decade ago

    It's not normal in the least. The 11 year old and her mother have problems. If the 11 year old had been mine, after she apologized profusely, she would have basically lost any privileges for the next 3 weeks. I would just not let the girl come over and ask your son to not talk to her or encourage her in any way. Then if her mother complains, tell her you might reconsider if she (the daughter) can be made to understand what she did was very wrong.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well, if my child got slapped or any sort of teasing/bullying I would be very upset, angry and feel upset for child. In this case, it seems a little childish and it is obvious that the bully's mom has got no idea on how to parent- I would ground her!

    Look, if she will not ring back, she is just obviously to scared. Maybe she has told her off and no one knows.

    I would do this:

    1.) Go to her house and talk about it (with no kids- just you and parent) then she has to speak to you about it and explain.

    2.) go to her house with kids and talk about it.

    Maybe both.

    Good Luck and you have every right to be upset.

    Stay calm with her! :)

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