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Husband doesn't want to kiss me... been married for only 3 1/2 years...?

We were married 3 1/2 years ago and 3 years ago I got braces and my husband hasn't kissed me since i got braces... (before i met him i knew he was a clean freak but i didnt think it was this bad... )... So, as a result I suffer from very low self esteem... He also never wants to be with me sexually unless I ask him and I dont ask him anymore because I used to get rejected and I felt embarassed. When it does happen I feel shy around him, I'm not sure why I think its because Im not used to having sex... I am hurt and I am afraid Im going to have to live like this 4 the rest of my life... I feel like I have fallen out of love with him because of this... I feel like I want to get divorced but Im scared. I married my first boyfriend. Advice please.... thx


I forgot to add that my husband says that he doesnt want to kiss me because he says I cant brush my teeth thoroughly with braces on. He is grossed out by them and he says if he kisses me he will mess up his teeth... =*( I cry and cry I hate this.

Update 2:

He does have perfect teeth... and he is a bit superficial too...... =*(

Update 3:

I believe he does have an obsessive disorder of some sort. He has this issue with everything having to be clean all the time and I always used to have to wash dishes right after i use them. its not as bad anymore but the thing that bugs me is that yes, it hurts when we are together because he doesnt kiss me and kissing is what turns me on. i dont ask him to b with me because he always used to reject me. i have really low self esteem and id feel better about myself if he acted like he was attracted to me. he isnt attracted to me anymore. i so badly crave his attention, kisses and i crave for him to desire me and he just doesnt... it really hurts. hes the only one i have ever been with too.

Update 4:

@preview. lol. i do brush my teeth thoroughly though he just doesn't like my braces. hes grossed out by them. he doesn't like having sex either. i feel like i'm living with a roommate... i feel so desperate for love and attention i don't know what to do.

20 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    He doesn't understand stuff about braces. You can get them so clean, they even taste good. When I had braces (luckily before marriage) there wasn't anything within reason to get braces cleaned. A water pic was over $50. Too much for my mom and dad to pay. Toothbrushes would get caught in the braces. I could demolish a toothbrush a week along with pieces of toothbrush stuck in my braces.

    You are luck that there are water pics that are more reasonable priced as well as toothbrushes made for people with braces. Mouthwashes are even better tasting. You can even brush your teeth with it-roof of your mouth and tongue. I'm not sure if you can substitute mouthwash with the pic. Even kissing sweet. After cleaning your mouth, plant a big kiss on his mouth. Tell him that he won't catch his tongue on the braces- if he could get his tongue caught, you would have canker sores all over your mouth and tongue. WHICH YOU DON'T HAVE. He may get infection from the sores-ONLY. You can even tell him it might even be erotic for him to french it. Make it sound sexy.

    It isn't that he doesn't love you. He may be uncertain about all that is going on in your mouth. A clean-person (I won't say freak-we all have something) might be afraid of germs, but he may not be knowledgeable about braces. There may be an odor he is smelling from your mouth that triggers a reaction. That is why I'm suggesting you take a little extra time in getting your mouth kissing sweet.

    Off the subject-Been married for over 32 years, kissing is very rare- it is not being in the sack that bothers me.

    Source(s): Had braces-always an odor-hated cleaning my mouth-been there, done that
  • 1 decade ago

    Oh I remember when my husband had braces, just a few years ago I was very surprised at my reaction and hated the taste and the touch of the metal on my tongue and in my mouth, so I must be honest I kissed him less intimately. The kissing resumed big time when they were off and the lovely perfect teeth were revealed, not that I thought he needed them in the first place). The thing is we always talked about it, my distaste and everything. However never once did this affect our sex life, no that was great and still is with or without braces. It seems that u have taken this very personally and I suspect it isnt really your problem, if u know what I mean!

    Its time for relationship counselling.... honest.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    He may not be cheating yet, but he definitely appears to be distracted by this other woman. Does anything about your husband's schedule seem out of the ordinary to you? Is he working late, spending more time on the computer, or on the phone, is he texting a lot? If none of these things are happening, then I would say that your husband is only entertaining thoughts about his weird co-worker at this time. Most people who cheat on their spouses begin robbing Peter to pay Paul. They take what they usually give to their husband or wife and begin giving it to their new interest. It's a trade off. If he's truly falling for another woman then you can expect him to pull away from you more and more. Fighting with him and making accusations will only push him in that direction faster. But maybe it's none of these things at all. Take what your husband says at face value. Your instincts may be telling you that he's having an affair, but unless he says that he is, you have to operate on the facts. Make an appointment to for the two of you to see a marriage counselor and try to address the "funk" your husband is in right now. Then see where it goes...

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm sorry, my heart goes out to you because this doesn't sound good. As a married man I will tell you straight up, this is NOT FAIR TO YOU.

    If you're both willing to try counseling or talk to a pastor or whatever, then great. But if he isn't, then he's stopped trying, and you should consider salvaging your life and happiness.

    I'm not a fan of divorce, but I believe every person deserves to be in a truly loving relationship, so there are cases when it is the best way. Again, if he's willing to try to turn things around, it is fixable. BUT do not let him drag you down--if he won't change on this, you need to get out before someone cheats and the rift only gets bigger.

    Best of luck to you, and God bless.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I'm sorry your having this problem but have you ever thought that he might be gay? Or cheating? Or he could just be an ***! But the thing is you shouldn't have to feel this way! You need confront him and get the answers you deserve because if he was that much of a germ phob he wouldn't have probably ever kissed you to begin with, think about it... Be strong get the truth you need and don't back down and if he gives you some b.s. leave him, there are alot of great men out there.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm sorry to hear this because honestly I think there is a bigger reason why he won't kiss you than braces. I have to think that a husband wouldn't mind that his wife has braces. There really isn't anything in there that might not be in your mouth anyway after you have just eaten and haven't gotten to brush your teeth yet. He is being an idiot.

    Also he won't have sex with you? Another red flag.

  • happy
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    You know this is not all that unusual whether you have braces or not.I never liked kissing anyone ever! My ex husband nor I were big on mouth or tongue kissing and we had great passionate sex. This went on over 10yrs and I never felt like I was missing out or that he didn't care for me.

    FAST FORWARD I'm with someone else and I love kissing him anytime or anyplace.

    sounds like your hubby has other intimacy issues with you and is using your braces as an excuse

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well he's got some kind of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) on being clean. He can kiss you with your mouth closed, that shouldn't be a problem. Why don't you tell him exactly what you wrote to us.

    If he knew you felt this way, I think he would be very surprised---especially the part about you falling out of love with him.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Perhaps he has an obsessive compulsive disorder? That is the only reason I can see him being so concerned about the hygiene of the braces. Sorry, that is a crummy situation. Counseling might help. Good luck.

  • LAgirl
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I was with a germaphobe for 6 years. Hated it. He hates french kissing. He did love me and tried to for me, but it was so awkward! I was irritable and frustrated all of the time. I had to leave him. If I can't kiss or be kissed I lose that special physical connection that has very little to do with sex but more about affection and warmth. Also, I stopped having sex with him for over a year before we broke up. Without kissing, sex was cold.

    So, I know what you are talking about. He needs to talk to a professional if you want to save your marriage.

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