Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 10 years ago

Abbusive relationship, 22 weeks pregnant, 17 years old... What do i do... :(?

First of all.. Im 17 and im pregnant. My boyfriend and i been together for about a year. The past few months have been pretty crazy, when we get into arguments, i end up slapping him because he will get in my face screaming at me and he has even spit in my face at one point.. Well then he would hit me, or hurt me some how.. Whether its grabbing my arm or its smacking me.

Well he has no family really. He is 17 too.. when we are getting along, he is really good to me, buys me things, buys baby things, takes me out places, expresses his feelings towards me, and he even went and got my name tattooed on him. So i dont want you to get the wrong idea.. hes not a bad person, just does bad things.

Well this morning my mother was going out of town, and i stayed at my cousins house last night and i babysat for some money (20 dollars.) He came with me, we watched some movies, and fell alseep. Well this morning i forgot my phone at my cousins house and i couldnt go back to get it because i was already to far out when i noticed it was gone. Well he was driving, and i was like "Go to jennifers (his aunts), i have to go home to see my mom before she leaves.." Well he got mad and was like "no man, im not sitting there all day, and headed towards his mothers house, which is WAY far out and i would miss my mom and not get to see her before she leaves town. Well she called his phone.. And i couldnt answer it cause it died. Then we got into a bad argument because he kept driving towards his moms.. And i got mad and we got into a verbal fight and he called me a b*tch, which, by now, im pretty used too.. Well then i was like "give me my money" (he was holding it for me) and he ripped it all up and threw it in my face! Then i slapped him across his.. and he was like "wait til i get where im going you gonna hate me, ima beat your a*s". So i cussed him out and was like "I DONT CARE DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO IM NOT SCARED OF YOU B*TCH", yeah i flipped!

So we get to jennis, cause he finally drove there.. and he gets out and grows my keys in a big trash can.. and was like get em if you want em b*tch.. And i was already in tears and he got em for me.. then i was like " GIVE ME MY KEYS NOW, WERE DONE! " And he was like "f*ck you!" and threw them back in trash so i grabbed them really quick and he grabbed me by my arms with his nails squeezing me really tight and i started to cry cause it hurt so back. I got one arms loose and tried to hit him and i had my keys in that hand he loosened up on my arms and grabbed it again REALLY HARD. Well i got loose, ran to my car, got in and he kicked my tail light and busted it.. Then i pulled off quickly crying.

I get home and my mom was there. He had texted her and told her MY PART of the story and called me a whore and this and that and told his i punched him in the face when he was driving. Well i wore my jacket inside cause i didnt want my mom seeing what he had done to me.. it would creak her heart.. well then i get yelled at because i put my hands on him (but she didnt know he put his hands on me or she would have flew off the deep end.. i got upset, and i went to my cousins to get my phone and came back my mom appoligized and gave me a hug, i felt like breaking down and telling her everything but im scared too for some reason.

Well i looked in to mirror and i see my arms already has purple bruses on it from his fingers, and blood drawn everywhere from his nails.. its so sore. :(

I feel like dying.. i dont know what to do..

Now i have to put up with this forever because of the baby. But i know its not his fault i just dont know what to do anymore.. im becoming scared of him.. But im scared if i leave him he will bust my windows or something..

So i got on here. I need soem advise!

Sry this is so long, but thanks for answering.

Update:

Okay to the person before last, yeah i understand i have some anger problems.. But when you have a 6'4 240 lbs man in your face screaming and calling you a bit*h and this and that, spitting on you.. How else DO you handle that????

I felt trapped and frankly a bit f*cking scared. And i left the part out where he was driving crazyy, swerving and slamming on breaks.. I feel that he over powers me and i dont know what to do. Im sure you and this "hubby" of yours are in a diffrent situation.

12 Answers

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  • Favorite Answer

    no you do not have put up with this forever, not even because of the baby. get out of this relationship asap. go tell your mom now, and she'll help you. trust me, i was in a really abusive relationship for 18 months and it doesn't get better, it gets worst, my ex used to hurt me a lot, verbally/physically/mentally, and even raped me several of times. Get out of there, if he's doing this to you now, while you are pregnant, think about what he'll do to the baby, if he gets rough with the baby, or loses his temper the the baby, then he could kill it. you have to think about the baby and yourself right now and leave, sure he might be a nice guy sometimes, but the thing is, he has no right and no excuses for any of this and it'll only get worst.

    Source(s): 20 weeks 1 day pregnant. been through similar relationship
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  • 10 years ago

    My heart is just breaking for you. I can't imagine what it's like to be 22 weeks pregnant and trying to look forward to such a happy time, and at the same time have all the stress from this situation. I understand that you love this man and want things to work out, but honestly it sounds like this is a very unhealthy relationship that could possibly lead to you or your baby being permanently harmed or killed. And it goes both ways. It sounds like IF you really want to try to make this work in the long-term and make it healthy relationship, you guys need to find a good couples counselor and both of you could use some training in anger management. It's not just a one-way thing, if only one of you commits to try to change, nothing is really going to change at all. You both need to understand that you are going about things the wrong way and you both need to commit to change for the better, for the sake of your relationship and your child and your LIFE. You have no idea how fast this type of violence can escalate into something that you never could have imagined - in the heat of the moment things can happen that you and the other person can't believe they would ever do. Please please please seek some serious help for both you and your boyfriend if you want this relationship to continue. It may even be better/easier if you 'take a break' from the relationship while you each work on your personal problems, both in couples counseling and separately. Whatever you do, please be safe.

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  • Sandra
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Leave him. no if, ands or buts, If he sics his cousins on you- call the police and have a restraining order put on them, too. PUT A RESTRAINING ORDER ON ALL OF THEM>>>> GET YOUR PARENTS INVOLVED. YOU ARE IN OVER YOUR HEAD>AND YOU KNOW IT> You can't just think about you- think about the child- Do you really want to deal with this with an infant or even a toddler? No? Well, then you will have to be strong now, and leave him. See if you can stay with some family that live away from where you do now- get your ducks lined up so that you can possibly relocate permanently. Do not hesitate to get the police involved if you feel threatened. I know you are upset, but objectively looking at this- you need to detach from him emotionally and make some better decisions. Having a baby is chaotic enough without all this drama. You think it sucks now? It will be unbearable then and if he hurt your child you will blame yourself- Think about that- If he hurts you while you are PREGNANT- then HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • You need to show your mother those bruises, she will be able to help you and protect you and the baby from him. If you stay in this relationship he will be abusive to your baby as well and that is nothing that you want. Just because you are having a baby with him does not mean that you need to be with him for the rest of your life. You are responsible for the baby you are carrying. So get out before he does something to your baby.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Please look into my questions and look for one about my partner assaulting me in front of my 2 year old. I was in a similar situation recently (abusive relationship) and have just gotten out of it and trust me I feel such a weight of my shoulders and I generally feel happier, for myself and my son. Any abuse is definitely NOT ok, for not only your own health and safety but for your baby you need to get out of this relationship NOW. He has crossed the line and let me tell you something, if he did it once he WILL do it again and who knows he might be an abusive father as well, do you want to be with a man (if you can call him that) that may end up assaulting your future children or assaulting you in front of them possibly scarring them for life? I know getting up and leaving him is easier said then done, but you have to be strong and get away from him, please, just think of that baby inside you that HE could've caused you to lose from this incident.

    Your future and your babys future will be SO much better off without him, no one deserves to be abused this way, especially a pregnant woman.

    I sincerely hope you can be strong and do what is best for you and your baby because you deserve better and oneday you will find a better man who treats you with respect and kindness. You have family there to support you (by the sounds of it) so you wont be alone.

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  • 6 years ago

    hey girly... i know what you been through cause i've been through it too. my sons father and i were best friends at first and then he became abusive i put up with it for 2 1\2 years. only because i loved him. but then i realized after he hit me infront of my son, when my son was in my arms, i couldnt let him see that. now that you have your baby... just leave the guy...leave him let him get help. make him understand that if he cant keep his feelings in control then he doesnt deserve to be around his kid. i know its gonna be hard but girl, you dont know how that will affect your son/daughter. if they see that they might think its gonna be ok. and trust me you dont want that. i think your best choice is to be with your mom. she's the only one who has your back who will help you when you need her. she's gonna help you grow while you help your baby grow...trust me its not the end of the road... this is the beginning to a whole new thing... trust me i know i would just recommend that you get away from him. keep your distance from him let him realize all he has done to you... you dont deserve this at all. if you need any advice you can email me percenate_88@yahoo.com

    trust me it will help you mentally physically and emotionally.

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  • 10 years ago

    This isn't what u want to hear and ill probablly get thumbs down but here it is flat out:

    You two need to seperate for both your sakes. BOTH OF YOU are abusive. It isn't just one sided. While I agree wholeheartedly no real man EVER has the right to hit ANY women, just cuz your hormonal or bitchy one day does NOT, I repeat DOES NOT give YOU ANY RIGHT to hit him. If your telling us the WHOLE truth, then you BOTH need A LOT of counseling.

    As a child my father used to beat me nearly every day and once. Even with a cordless phone so when I had mmy 1st relationship I was like you, I used to hit when I got mad. I stopped after years of counseling. I've only ever had one time other than that where I had a blackout from my PTSD where I kicked my husband cuz he tried to stop me from leaving the room after an argument and it triggered a panic attack so bad (from memories) so bad I blacked out. I don't remember anything I did during it (apparently I tripped and when he tried to help me up I kicked. Him) but when I did "come to" and saw the bruise I HATED myself.

    LUCKILY I have an AWESOME hubby who understands my PTSD and were happy and expecting baby # 1 in dec!

    Soo long story short, you BOTH need to seperate AND get counseling.

    Don't get it wrong, I'm not attacking OR judging you for your actions, but I firmly believe in being ACCOUNTABLE for every single one of them. You BOTH have a history of hitting EACH OTHER!

    EDIT:

    well, maybe he outweighs you and is taller than you but in every example you have given, you hit him first. If you were really that intimidated by him being "so much bigger than you" then why one earth would you hit him and anger him further? would it not make more sense to just leave instead of egging him and making it an even more volatile situation?

    reread what i said....i stated it is NEVER ok for a man, a "real man" to hit a woman, evenif you did hit him first.

    you both need to grow up and put your child first.

    I believe in being brutally honest, so once again, HERE IT IS:

    You hit him.... He hits you... If someone reported to the police this was happening, you could BOTH be charged with domestic abuse/assault. Yea in a perfect world the cops would see that your pregnant and hormonal, but this isnt the perfect world, and he isnt perfect. obviously...

    Your best bet is to get away from him NOW and if you cant do that then start documenting EACH INSTANCE in which he puts his hands on you and what happened.

    Do you realize that if you stay in that environment, have the baby, and the abuse keeps going that YOU can be charged with child endangerment? Yep. You can... TOTALLY UNFAIR but its true. I know from experience.

    and as for him being that big, i do understand how you feel intimidated. My "dad" was that big, at at the time i was a CHILD! so at least you have the ability to get away from him. I didnt have that choice.

    grow up, put your big girl britches on, and leave. stayign cuz your "scared" puts not only you, but your child at risk...

    Source(s): experience.
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  • 10 years ago

    You need to talk to someone you trust. He has no right to do this to you. Go to the police if you have to they will lock him up. If he will hit you, he IS a bad person. Especially with you being pregnant! If he's willing to treat you like this, the baby will be next! He needs help, counseling or something! You and you baby deserve better!!!

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  • 10 years ago

    no woman should be subject to violence if he is hitting you and verbally abusive even only at times you need to get away from him you dont want to bring a baby into that kinda of life what if down the road he gets mad at the baby and hits them or loses control and god forbid kills the baby. get away from him now the faster the better and if he harasses your or damages property of yours call the police and get a restraining order that way if it happens again he will go to jail where all abusive people need to be trust me i learned the hard way

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  • 10 years ago

    I know its prob going to be hard but i think the best thing to do is leave him. it will not be easy and i doubt it will be easy for him to walk away from you also so i think the safe thing to do is move out preferably when he's not there so it does not cause problems and go live with family or friends. im really sorry i have to say it's not okay for you to hit him or the other way around. both of you need to separate before someone gets hurt. When you become pregnant it is a blessing and it's not longer about you anymore. the focus should be on your child or in your case your unborn child. you also need to be honest with your mother about what happened. it's not fair for her to hear just his side and not yours and she may be dissapointed that you slapped him or that he abuses you but the truth is your her daughter and she does not want you getting hurt. she cares and loves you. and you need support right now. so please talk to her. Please get out of this situation. I have heard alot of storys about abusive relationships getting out of hand and people losing their lives. your'e young and your going to be a mother. you have your whole life ahead of you. don't throw it away for someone who is abusing you. Also if you want more support you can email me and we could even chat or something. i really don't want you getting hurt. I have a little girl and i promise you she is my world if i was in your situation i would walk away in a second without looking back. so goodluck and god bless you. i really hope you get away from him. he needs to get help. also the next time something happens he calls you, texts you, or if you go back and he hurts you take pictures, save the texts or messages. this will help police out when they are called.

    Email me or contact me through yahoo. mygirl17973552@yahoo.com if you want to chat or talk!

    Source(s): my mother was abused by my biological dad
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