When should you tell a boyfriend that you can't have children?

My boyfriend and I have been together a bit over 7 months. It's pretty serious. We're not talking about marriage or anything yet but I know we're both seeing this as something that will be long term. Anyways, I was wondering when would be the right (or fair) time to tell him I am not able to have children. I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure at 18. I know he does not want children (I asked early on and I honestly don't believe that will change as he gets older just knowing his personality) but I still think this info should be shared. It's not a matter I consider private, as I tell people casually, but it's different when it's a potential mate. Also, how should I bring it up? Try to work it into the conversation or just come out with it one day. BTW, I'm 22 and he's 27, in case you were wondering.


Um... I'm not sure if the second poster really read the question...

Anyways, POF is NOT a serious health condition. It's kinda like menopause , although NOT the same thing at all. I can't have kids and need to make sure I get enough calcium so I don't end up with osteoporosis. And I have to take birth control to replace the hormones (and I may have a fertile egg or two but birth control takes care of that...)

3 Answers

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    Lv 6
    10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hi there.

    I'm on HRT. I've been dealing with secondary POF (menstruated from 12-17) for nearly 13 years now, although I wasn't "officially" diagnosed until 2004. I was already in a long-term relationship with my (now) wife when I received the news, so my situation is a bit different from yours. But I had to go home that evening and give her the news.

    I was most comfortable with the direct approach. We just sat down and talked, ie: what this diagnosis meant, how I was feeling, future children, etc. My wife held and comforted me while listening to everything. It was--and sometimes--still is, overwhelming for both of us. But we have always made sure to keep the lines of communication open and honest. It has strengthened our bond.

    Give yourself time, but try not to wait too long to bring it up either. I know it's nerve-wracking. You'll be okay. Good luck.

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  • 10 years ago

    you can't take it too serious. It will scare him away. Any serious health problem sounds scary. On the other hand, just ask him to try harder, lol. someday it will happen.

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  • User
    Lv 5
    10 years ago

    He'll probably say "Woohoo!"

    Tell it to him on his birthday.

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