My son doesn't want me to take him to a strip club for his 18th birthday; what's wrong with him?
I had a brief glimmer of hope when, last week, he came up to me, and stood there for a long time, not saying anything. He seemed nervous, and was staring at my beer, so I thought, "Okay, he wants a beer. FINALLY, something normal!" I thought he was just too shy to say it, so I said, "Son, your mother and sisters aren't home, so if you want a beer go and get one." He looked startled, and said, "No....I was just going to ask that if the can was empty, could I have it. I am saving cans to recycle so I can have money to get that new Dungeons & Dragons book...." Man! What a way to hurt a father! If there's one thing I know, that Dungeons & Diaphragms stuff is guaranteed girl repellent!
The worst of all is that I told him for his birthday I'd like to take him to his first strip club, a man's night out with his dad and the guys I work with down at the tattoo parlor. He got all embarrassed and said he'd rather just go out to eat somewhere. I said we could go eat before hitting the club, that was fine, but he said no, he'd rather go and eat and then maybe go to the movies to see "Twilight". Holy crap! He's already seen the damn thing four times! I am NOT going to see some fruity movie like that! My wife says to lay off of him, that she doesn't want him growing up to be a pervert like me, but what do women know about raising sons?
I'm at a loss here. This kid has been such a disappointment to me. Hell, I can't even talk him through his first shave, because there isn't anything there! What in the world happened?! What is wrong with my son, and how can I get him to at least have normal interests? I'm so disgusted; right now he's in his room, writing "poetry." I think I'm going to go nuts. Instead of having a son, I feel like this kid is my oldest daughter.