pls read a real rough draft of story?

this story when i complete it is might have a completely different beginning but i would like to see what ppl think of this one i know its rough with punctuation and sentence structure. And i would also like to see what yall think of my life plan I will go to college become a high school English teacher and try to write books and hopefully they will sell and i can afford to write full time one day. would i have more time to write as a elementary, middle school or high school teacher? any way here is the what i have so far

It all stated while I was driving home after work. when I got about a mile from my house I saw a girl walking in the same direction, no one else lives down here except me so I thought she was lost. As I got closer I could make out what she looked like, she was a white girl about 5 foot 6 with Burnett hair that came just past here shoulders, she was wearing a white shirt with a vertical silver stripe running from the top of the shoulder down to her wrist the pants were the same with the vertical stripe running from the hip to her ankle.

As I was thinking weather I should pick her up or not it began to rain I figured she looked harmless enough so I pulled over to the side of the road and asked her where she was heading. She looked at me stunned and said “to see you of course.” Even though I thought she was crazy I couldn’t, in good conscience, leave her out in the rain walking toward my house so I picked her up.

I started to feel something tug at my shirt as I was driving and when I looked down I saw something that wasn’t possible and I guess my brain couldn’t take what I was seeing and I lost control of my truck and ran strait into a tree. While I was out, the rain must have had picked up because I was drenched from head to toe. “It was a cat” I thought “she was a cat” as I looked around I saw the cat lying beneath the truck bed keeping it’s self out of the rain. When the cat noticed me looking around it began to stretch and started walking towards me as it did, it started to stand on its hind legs and transformed from the cat to the girl I saw on the road.

general idea of the story

* James Brazil's life is ordinary until one day on his way home he meets a girl that's a not so new arrival to earth, And on the way finds out who he really is and who the girl is and where she comes from and her mission and his role in it. But the story takes a twist for the worst when they realize someone followed her here and is trying to become ruler of the world will they stop him or will he succeed*


yea ruler of the world is not really what i have in mind more like enslave ppl to do his work i guees try to set himself to be a god

5 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Never let anyone talk you out of a storyline you're passionate about. All stories have been done before and there's nothing wrong with yours. I will advise you not to write from the First Person perspective, however; it just won't work. Your actions scenes will always be watered down because the main character is obviously remembering them so the reader will know in advance that they survived. Also you will end up with endless pages of text describing what the character is thinking, a sure-fire way to bore a reader into a coma.

    Your story starts out dull and lifeless; you need to begin with action. Jump straight into the story and don't worry about describing things. Important details can be introduced later through flashbacks and conversations. You don't need to explain everything; just what is necessary to advance a scene. Remember to 'show not tell' your story. In other words don't tell us your character drove into a tree; show us and allow the readers to experience the action along with the character.

    Keep writing.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    There was a TV series a few years back that involved aliens helping the US security services. One male alien was always carrying a cat with a bejewelled collar. Every once in a while the camera would pan to a beautiful woman wearing the same collar, the inference being that the cat was really an alien shapeshifter.

    Your concept is not a new one. You could put a new slant on it but I find the idea of another 'Ming the Merciless' alien coming to take over the world a bit hard to swallow.

    If you intend training as an English teacher you should brush up on your spelling. You've made quite a few errors. Learn to live with your dictionary it will be a friend for life.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    it occurs very fast - now not ample element. But if it is a 3-pager then I bet it really works, however then take out a few discussion and upload extra tale. I want it had been longer than three pages given that then the person's might have longer to broaden, and the element might be more potent.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I liked it!

    Your writing style is unique, and you'd think it would be boring, but you made it interesting and engaging!

    The plot sounds a little, cliche? I don't know, I made practically the exact same storyline for one my half-completed stories!

    I find the plot something I might loose interest in. Maybe that's because you haven't included much information in it because you don't want it stolen or whatever, just keep that in mind.

    Answer mine please? (:;_ylt=Ane3C...

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    awesome, i think it's a cool storyline. i'd totally read it :)

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