Help with an exchange student?
So my family got an exchange student a few months ago. She is very anti-social, she comes home from school and sits in her room and stays on her computer until she is called down for dinner. This is especially hard for me because I share a room with her, and several times she locks the door, forcing me to sleep in a different room. Above this, she is very promiscuous. I accept that she has a sex life, but the manner in how she participates in it shows her low morality, (One night stands, sleeping around and having threesomes.) I try several times to confront my parents about the situation, but the exchange student is very manipulative, to an extent where she lies so much that my parents blame me for all of her indiscretions. She is staying for 3 months and I cannot take it anymore. I want her to move out, she is taking over my room and making my parents believe everything she says, disregarding whatever i tell them. What should i do? I've tried talking to my parents but nothing will work! Do i need to contact her exchange program or do something drastic so my parents realize who this girl really is.
- dancing_smurfLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
We have hosted exchange students in the past and personally believe that sometimes students who should not be placed in the program due to lack of emotional maturity nonetheless are placed. What you are describing indicates, based on my experience, someone who has minimal English skills and who is struggling to be accepted because their language skills are not sufficient?
There are a range of options available to you. First option is to stick out until the 90 days are up. 90 days may seem like a long-time but it is not like you have her for a year.
Another option would be to speak with a teacher or your school counselor. They might be able to intervene for you with your parents. Reason why I suggest this is because the issue here I feel is that this student is not a good choice for your family because of the issues that it is creating and I feel maybe enough planning did not go into bringing an exchange student into your family. Though your posting presents only one side of the issue it does suggestion that communication has broken down and it needs to be restored between your parents and yourself on this issue. It is my feeling since this is causing you some distress that something needs to be done to work through the issue so that a satisfactory resolution is found. Hopefully by bringing in a third-party your parents and you can communicate effectively about the issue.
Third option will be to try talking to your parents again and present evidence to back up what you are saying. This means talking about being locked out of your room, and her sexual activity instead of focusing on emotive issues like her morality. At least from my experience making value judgments do not convince people they only entrench their position which prevents a solution being found.
Fourth option would be to speak to her directly about the issues in an assertive and constructive way. By this I mean not talking about value judgments. Instead talk about her behavior and how it impacts you. Hopefully this will relive some of the issues that exist.
Finally, you speak about contacting the program. At least from my experience dealing with exchange programs unless the student does something against the rules that puts their visa at jeopardy, such as being arrested, or they develop mental health issues that invokes their duty of care to the student then there is very little they will do. I suspect if you contact them the most they will do is talk to your parents and maybe try to resolve the issue. Personally, based on the information you have posted, my own feeling it is unlikely that they would remove her from the house based on your call alone and it would have to be your parents requesting it. However if it gets to be an untenable situation I would recommend using it as your last resort after trying different ways to resolve it.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I'd try to contact her parents and tell them what's going on.
As for locking herself in your room alone. . . well. . . Some people have trouble functioning in a society that is so alien to them. Oftentimes you'll find the same deal at colleges with exchange students. Most asians will hang out with only asians. Arabs with most arabs. Turks with mostly only turks.
I'd also hate to say this, but most exchange students come from wealthy families, and many of those are a bit stuck-upish and spoiled rotten.
And sometimes it's also tough for us to deal with someone who's been raised in a totally different environment. I took on a Japanese flatmate several years ago. He actually tried really hard to integrate into our society and have fun. . . but there were still arguments and disagreements. And times where we really annoyed each other.
- 1 decade ago
You should just sit down and talk with your parents. Have an honest comversation. You are their daughter they should listen to what you have to say. Find a way to prove you are right. I've never been in a situation like this so I dont really know what I would do..but good luck and definately try to contact her parents about it
- 1 decade ago
I say just bide your time and let it go. It's only for three months. It'll be rough, but she'll eventually leave.
Or you can try to get proof of her in such acts and go to your parents or the agency under which she's traveling abroad with and tell/show them.
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- Anonymous4 years ago
Self-indulgency "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" -- Creedence Clearwater Revival (especially the solo) Loss "The Needle And The Damage Done" -- Neil Young
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Why don't' you try asking your parents if you could get a different exchange student instead living with you all.