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Lovin29 asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

Do you buy a gift for the bridal shower AND the wedding?

I know I should know this, because I have been to many weddings....but typically if I go to a pre-party, it's a bachellorette party- not a "bridal shower".

Went to my first one a couple of weeks ago and did buy from the couple's registry. Now the wedding is coming up...and I have no idea whether I'm supposed to buy another present or not. I'm not financially free to do this...but do NOT want to be rude.

What is expected and appropriate?

21 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Ordinarily, yes.

    If you attended the shower, then yes you give a gift for that. If you are attending the wedding, then you ordinarily give a gift to that too. The shower is a chance for the women to "shower" the bride to be with things to start up their home and their new life with, which is why it's usually housewares and linens. If you are not financially free to give a give for the wedding, then just give what you can.

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  • 5 years ago

    As a current bride, I would NEVER expect my attendees to give a gift at the bridal shower AND the wedding. I think one or the other is completely appropriate. A gift is a generous contribution, it should never be expected in the first place. A single gift is more than enough. If a bride has a problem with that, then they're selfish and have their priorities all wrong.

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  • 1 decade ago

    There's no definitive "proper" way to do this, other than the etiquette stipulation that the shower is a gift-giving event, and the wedding is not. (Obviously, most people do want to give wedding gifts, but that's tradition, not a requirement).

    I'd still try to get something for the wedding, even if it's just a nice set of towels, nice bottle of wine, etc. If you blew your budget on a shower gift, there's nothing wrong with that, but I'd still want to find something she'd like. Don't spend more than you can, but there are plenty of inexpensive wedding gifts. Another option might be a nice cookbook. These are often on sale and I've seen really nice, big ones for under $20.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Due to changing opinions about weddings, what is expected and what is appropriate are two different things. Sorry to say, but today's bride expects a lot, and all of it expensive. Short story: I was invited verbally to co-worker's wedding. Bought stainless name brand place setting off the registry list, bought 3-4. Bride never knew I got it on sale, would have been @$160 full price, I forget exactly. I did not go to the wedding, and barely knew the bride, and did not know her socially at all. She confronted me, wanting to know why I did not buy all 8 place settings, price well over $330.

    There used to be no such thing as a bachelorette party, now it is common. This is the one where everybody gets a hotel room, a limo, and bar hop and get plastered drunk. For this one, naughty gifts and paying the bride's way for the night is the norm. Usually it just the bridesmaids, and maybe a close relative of the bride.

    A official wedding shower in those kinder gentler times of days past was given to a bride who was traditionally marrying out of her parents household, who probably had a few household goods put away in her hope chest, but nothing else. Gifts would be practical and useful and some times inventive for someone just beginning life away from their Mom. They might be home made, or hand made. They might include practical but pretty lingerie, even a penoir for the wedding night, or travel pajamas that can be rolled up and not wrinkle. They invariably cost far less than the wedding present.

    Fast forward to today. People are wising up, and making the shower present the most expensive one, since that one is opened in public, where everyone can see how generous the giver is. And since brides no longer display their wedding gifts at home, and since we have gotten away from delivering the wedding present to the home, and being invited in for tea and seeing the presents, few people even see the wedding present. And lingerie parties are more frequent, since brides have been on their own, or living with the groom probably for years, and have an established household. And the lingerie expected is naughtier.

    So, if the shower present was at the top of your budget, and yes, a wedding present is expected still, but not mandatory, so spend wisely. Check out discount stores like Tuesday Morning, and get a bargain on something. The have beautiful frames for very little money, the bride will have no idea that that silver frame only cost you $12, just remember to get the tag off. Check out places like Macy's, they have wedding gifts already in boxes, for not a lot of money, and these are often on sale. $29 is a common price, and they might be a set of photo frames, a pretty clock, a set of serving dishes, a pretty serving platter. Check out the kitchen wares department at Walmart, and Macy's try to catch sales. I got a nest of spring form pans for > $9 at Walmart, and I saw a box of Pyrex oven ware for $29 at Macy's. Both of these are almost mandatory kitchen needs. And no one has to know what you actually paid.

    And take advantage of cheap gift wrapping options. Dollar Tree has some really cute gift sacks for a buck. A friend had a fit over her bag that looked like and was shaped like a victorian purse. Tuesday Mornings has high end things for cheap, again a friend had a fit over her Michelangelo inspired angel bag, it was 3-D, the angel appeared to be flying.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I always thought that: Showers are for gifts. It is not necessary to bring a gift to the wedding. If you don't attend the shower, ship a gift to the couples new home. A card is appropriate for the wedding. If you have money to stuff in there then great. If not, its fine. Now if you hadn't already given a gift then I would say you def need to put money in the card but you are good.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I usually give a gift at the shower, then cash at the wedding. If there's a bachelorette party, I'll give a small gift then as well. Why all the thumbs down about giving gifts? It's good to be a giver!

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  • 1 decade ago

    You should have given a token gift for the shower, and your real gift for the wedding. Since you gave them a really nice gift for the bridal shower, get a gift for the couple that is within your budget. Look for the medium-priced items in their registry. Don't feel obligated to go overboard.

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  • 1 decade ago

    The tradition is that each person should purchase a present for the wedding and the party.

    Bridal showers are usual ways for the brides to bring in more presents. Yay them!!!

    So, yes. Buy one for both; however the bridal shower present is usually smaller than the wedding present itself.

    Good Luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    You ask, we answer. Thats what we are here for :)

    Yes, you ought to bring a gift to the wedding as well. If you have already spent quite a bit on the shower gift and want to keep the cost down, how about a bottle of wine from a place they have visited? Even sparkling wine can be bought for just $30 a bottle. Or maybe you do a little basket of gourmet food items like jams and scone mix. You know, be creative. Wedding gifts do not have to cost a lot, just show the couple that you are thinking of them.

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  • Poppet
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    No.

    Miss Manners has this to say:

    " But the innovations that are most widely followed, even by those who resent them, are vulgar, impractical or nonsensical — and almost always expensive. Here are some that Miss Manners refuses to sanction:

    * That "wedding" is a collective noun referring to a long series of events — minimally including an engagement party, numerous showers, bachelor and spinster (Miss Manners is incapable of saying "bachelorette") parties, a rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, a dinner, a dance and the next day's brunch — until everyone concerned has been worn to a frazzle. And that they all require presents.

    Only the ceremony and a celebration immediately after have the full sanction of etiquette; the rest is for those who have the stamina. A true engagement party is one at which the bride's father announces the engagement as a surprise, and showers are solely at the discretion of friends."

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