Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 10 years ago

Do You Like My Story So Far Please Answer and Be Honest ...Its a Mystery/Drama?

Negative thoughts began to run through Chloe's head. Her car being moved several parking spaces down in the garage at the gym earlier especially.

"I'll go check you don't have to"she told her husband.

"Damn it Chloe this has to stop!!!!!"he yelled.

"Lower your voice before you wake our son please"she said calmly.

Clarence got out of the tub and put on his robe heading to their bedroom. Clearly he was upset another romantic evening he planned ruined because of Chloe's suspicions. After checking the doors Chloe felt alot better. They were all locked. She sighed because the evening Clarence planned especially for her was ruined. Fixing herself a plate of spaghetti that Clarence had prepared she sat down at the dinner table alone. She heard Clarence coming down the stairs.

"I'm am so tired of this nonsense Chloe".

"I'm sorry" she repiled.

"You're always sorry" he barked.

"What are you so afraid of"? "Oh I forgot you don't even know your damn self" he answered his own question with her usual answer.

"I can't enjoy a nice evening with my wife because she thinks some imaginary monster is out to get her"

He knew he was hurting her and at that moment he honestly didn't care. She was speechles staring dow at her plate.

"This is not one of your novels Chloe this is real life and we have a son we must set an example for!"

"Okay" she stated looking out of the window to her left. She felt someone was watching her. There was nothing but wind blowing in the bushes.

"Who do you think is out there Chloe ? Freddy , Jason, oh no let me guess Michael Meyers" he shook his head.

"You're my wife and you don't even feel safe with me. I am here to love and protect you this is affecting me Chloe"

"Absolutely not I feel safe with you Clarence, I told u I just can't explain it"

"Well maybe its time to get help" he said before storming off to bed.

Chloe felt horrible for ruining things once again

Update:

the secret is there is in fact someone out to get her . Her suspicions are true. The person has been in her home and follows her throughout the book. She discovers later and is in for a good shock when she realizes her identical twin that was seperated at birth is out to ruin her, kill her and take over her life. She has no idea she is a twin. Chloe is a very popular Author in my novel known world wide

Update 2:

I am a beginner writer to add i just do it as a hobby

5 Answers

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  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's got a certain something... it needs to be cleaned up, but I think you could hook the reader in.

    What happened with her car?

    Keep going!

    Louise

    PS - You will probably get all sorts of feedback and advice. It's important that you trust yourself and your own unique voice.

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  • 10 years ago

    It is a good start, however there are some major issues that need to be addressed regarding how the dialogue and description is presented.

    I felt that it was too rushed through and that a proper description of the characters is needed at the beginning. Also, I would slow down the drama between the characters. Realistically, this passage could take up a whole chapter if done well and descriptively.

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  • dunham
    Lv 4
    3 years ago

    i imagine because in college all of us get informed to apply a lot of description, it makes it extra sturdy to write down basically to entertain... you could overdo it with the outline and infrequently the reader basically needs the tale to bypass on instantly. i'd drop a number of the adjectives and adverbs like 'everlastingly'. also there are some spelling and grammar mistakes like 'traditionally'(?) I take it you propose 'hysterically'. and also you want capital letters on the starting up of a sparkling sentence. as long as you've an exciting storyline that keeps the reader guessing till eventually the spectacular web page, it might want to keep the reader in contact. To be truthful, i does no longer examine a tale like that if it develop into revealed, basically because i have considered a large number of reports starting up like that in the previous. i'm actual a 14 12 months previous woman and that i write a large number of short thoughts too. i'd basically keep experimenting with diverse varieties and make positive you could write proper, devoid of mistakes. sturdy success! :)

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  • Hannah
    Lv 4
    10 years ago

    Hmmm.. needs some definite cleaning up. Punctuation and flow, mostly. It all moves to fast, and the dialogue kinda seems unrealistic. But it's an interesting idea, most certianly.. I can't really explain it much better than that, sorry!

    Best of luck writing1

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  • 10 years ago

    well my answer is that you have too much direct speech. You need to show not tell. you have a good base for a story

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