"Live your life first!" before having a baby - What exactly does this mean?

As a relatively young person in a very stable relationship mutually wanting to have our first child with my partner, I get told this a lot. I just want to know what is SO GOOD in life that it's worth postponing what I believe to be the best existance in the world - Being a parent. Major travellling can come when the kids have flown the nest, study (On my part, as my partner brings in the money) can get serious when the kids are in school... Am I being naive, or missing something? What IS "Living your life first"?

11 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It isn't just that you are having a baby, chances are you'll want another one or two, so once you have a family they are your priority and much of your earned income will go to providing things for them, not you and your partner.

    You can actually do many things, after children, that you can do before, BUT, it takes a lot more work and organization to do them. For example, going out for the evening is more difficult - if you and your partner want to go to the movies. Child 1 may have Soccer practice, Child 2 may be sick at home, and Child 3 may need picking up from a friends ...... now, try to organize a "Date Night" for you and your partner!

    Also, if you have two or three kids, by the time the last one leaves home you could be in your 50's and wishing you had taken that fabulous "couples" holiday many years ago, you might finally be able to afford a brand new car, or a new house.

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  • 10 years ago

    Everyone has an opinion on when to have kids...and they are not often the same as someone else. It is up to you, of course. There are lots of good things in life that you can "miss" if you have kids too early. Sleeping in, lazy beach days, concerts, and general carefree stuff. That is what I miss now that I have kids. I don't regret having them, but I do find I wish I had spent more time enjoying my "youth". Not to mention, I wonder if I would have been a calmer mom if I had waited. I can tend to be high strung if I don't keep on my toes about it. BUT, being a parent is ALL I have ever wanted to be. I have a degree from college, have worked in my field, and spent time with my partner before having children. So I didn't do it "so" out of order. But I have the rest of my life to be a parent and I could have easily waited a few more years before having a child. I started a family young and am so grateful to be lucky enough to be a mom. You are not missing anything, just think long and hard about why you want to be a mom NOW. And make sure it is for the right reasons.

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  • 10 years ago

    My sister says this alot..she is 27 and getting married this summer...her and her fiance have a huge house and loads of money due to their good jobs...they go on holiday twice a year and she tells me that this is living her life and that in a few years they will think about having children....I on the other hand am 22 I have been married a year, have a 2 year old daughter and am 24 weeks pregnant with my second. My husband and I both agreed that even though our first daughter was not planned we were happy to be parents first. We see it as a blessing that we have done things this way...no we dont have a massive house or lots of money...but we have 1 wonderful child and are eagerly awaiting the second, we have a house big enough for our needs and enough money to manage each month with one holiday a year. To me I have everything and exotic travel, big careers and other things 'young' people do can wait until our children are older. I want to have all the children we are going to have before I turn 30...that way by the time my youngest is at least 10 I will only be 40...more than young enough to hold down a good well paid job, go on wonderful holidays, buy a big house and enjoy myself!

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  • Mary
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    An interesting question. There are only two things that I think I would change, but I have to qualify that. I think I would like to change them, and live out that choice, and then be able to decide which was the right choice. Because I love my life as it is now, and every decision I've made has brought me to where I am, but there are two things (specifically where I went to college and a boy that I broke up with when I maybe shouldn't have) that I've always been curious about what would have happened if I'd gone the other way.

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  • Delia
    Lv 7
    10 years ago

    It means to wrap up your schooling, have some fun, become established financially, hopefully maintain a solid and lasting relationship, and just be all around settled and mellowed out first.

    Many young people feel they are ready to be parents when they likely could stand to wait a few years longer. I'm not saying you're not. But it was my experience that although I do not regret having my son, I would have waited until I finished college, got a good job, and was actually married before having my first.

    I am now a full time student at 30, because it took me years to be able to return to school, I am finally engaged but because of the cost of school cannot get married yet, and have low paying jobs. Yes, everything WILL work out. I just think life would be more enjoyable had I waited.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Beth, you CAN put off all sorts of things that you've obviously considered doing-you mention travel for instance-but why would you want to?

    The reason people say 'live your life first' is because once you have children they come first forever. You can't just abandon everything and hop on a flight to somewhere exotic, or go to the club with your friends on an impromptu basis, or stay in bed with take-away and your husband/partner all day because you feel like it because you have to plan, get sitters and get up for the children.

    There's another old saying and it's 'youth is wasted on the young'.

    The reason people say this is because when you're young you're reaching for responsibility and maturity and as you get older you realise that when you were at you're fittest, most energetic and fancy free you wasted it trying to get old.

    I waited until I was 28 to have my first child. I went to university, all night clubs, foreign holidays, impromtu parties after a midnight phone call, travelled around as a sales manager, I did all that first. Now I've had another 3 kids and I'm a stay at home Mum and I'm 38.

    But I'm enjoying it-I don't want to go out partying in a ridiculously loud club until 3am, I'm too old and besides, I've done it.

    I'd love to jet off to somewhere hot and fabulous at a moments notice,(well who wouldn't?), but I can't & it's not a problem because I've done it.

    What I'm trying to say is that you're clearly still young-there's lots of time to have babies and responsibilty-yes, children ARE marvellous but they tie you down (in a nice way) and they change your whole perception of life. Sky-diving doesn't seem so attractive when you're worried about what the kids would do without you and backpacking around Europe/Asia the World in general isn't much fun with kids in tow-hell, read the parenting page-there's times that going to the supermarket's not much fun with kids in tow!

    Whether you like it or not as you get older your priorities will change. What you perceive as fun now won't be so attractive at 35 or 40.

    Take the time for you and your partner to do things together, quality things, exciting, vivacious, young things so that you can take the memories of them into your older age and then regail your offspring with them in the future.

    Nothing quite like being the Mom that's done pretty much everything ;)

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  • 10 years ago

    having children can really be hard in some point.. you will be limit to do somethings you want to do because of some added responsibilities in having a child... for example if your still not in a stable life. your income may not be enough for you and your child limiting you to have fun with your husband...

    other concern is the school matter you will have an additional schedule for the child need.

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  • eli
    Lv 6
    10 years ago

    well being 27 and having friends who had kids at a young age

    i think it means

    that you will probably miss out on stuff like nights out and girly holidays because you have a young child.

    ill tell you about my best friend.

    she had a baby at 18 with a guy she was with all through school...

    when the rest of us were going out to nightclubs for the first time she was at home with her son.

    when we were having dates with different guys and random days out in the car to where-ever she was at home with her son coz she couldnt just drop everything and get a baby sitter that quickly.

    if she wanted a nightout with the girls or a day shopping she had to organise it a couple of weeks in advance to make sure she had a babysitter.

    after a while her fella didnt want to help out alot at home or with his son either over time.

    she split up with that guy when her son was 3 years old. then he had his son at weekends and she started to come out with us and as we knew which bars and clubs to go in for the drinks offers and music she felt she had missed out on it. she got back with him a few months later but he was still going out with his mates so they split again.

    she missed out on a holiday to magaluf as she had no1 to look after her son. ect...

    yes you can go travelling when your older, thats what my friend said

    but now her son is 7 and she is worried that she will always be a single mum.

    his father brings in the money to support his son and now she is trying her best to get some work while her son is at school, as she has never worked before at the age of 27 she is struggling to find a job anywhere...

    i hate to sound negative but you do need a back-up plan, just coz things are good now it doesnt mean it will stay that way. at least get married 1st so if something does happen you will get money from the divorce.

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  • Nah, your not naive.. A lot of people have different views and opinions on how life should be lived... I'm like you, traveling and going out and partying just doesn't seem as great as being a parent... I could care less about all that stuff, our priorities are just different.. Dont listen to anyone else when it comes to living your life!

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  • 10 years ago

    "Live your life first" means that you have to enjoy your life before having a child,have fun.Because having a child is not a simple thing, you have to be prepared.I think the best age to have a child is between 30 and 35 years old.

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