Mental Disorder and Jinns...?
I have suffered from a mental disorder, Trichotillomania, for 5 and a half years now (from the age of 12). It is classified as an 'OCD Spectrum' disorder by psychologists. According to science, it is due to a mutation on the gene, thus making it a genetic disorder.
I would like to know 3 things:
1) Are genetic disorders a test, or a punishment from Allah (swt)?
(I don't understand how it can be a test, as it is 'genetic' and uncontrollable. Especially as a Muslim female ( I am also Indian), it is very hard for me, in the sense that I don't even feel 'feminine' anymore, or even 'worthy' of marrying in the future.)
2) Could my mental disorder be due to Jinn influence? E.g. a Jinn gave Nazr, or 'possessed' me somehow (as it controls my actions - since I can't even control my own actions whenever I'm pulling my hair out?).
Also - How can I get RID of the Jinn that is causing this?
3) How can i heal from this - without the need of medical help? (please read further to see my reason for this).
With regards to the second question, I would just like to add some additional information.
I had been given a taweez a year ago by a Mowlana, for depression (as I suffer from Depression and severe anxiety disorder). The taweez didn't work (I don't believe in the taweez, but Allah). I recently stopped wearing the taweez when I found out that it was 'shirk' to wear taweez.
Also, I have 'seen' and 'spoken' to jinns without knowing that they were jinns. Five and a half years ago, (before the onset of my mental disorders), a jinn came to me in the form of my sister and always spoke to me whenever i woke up from sleep in the mornings. this happened for 7 days nonstop. it stopped when i realised that i was actually speaking to a jinn and not my sister.
Also, I have a 'burining' and 'hot' and 'congested' feeling in my head all the time - like a neverending headache. I wash it with water to cool it and stand outside in the cold air, but, although my body is freezing, my headache (the burning feeling etc) is still there.
Also, i see jinns frequently - especially in my dreams. They are always trying to intimidate me and scare me in my dreams.
I read my five daily prayers, and read Quran when I can. I also read Ayatul Kursi after every fardh salah and before i go to sleep. I keep clean, and my house is clean - I do not live by a graveyard or any dumpsite etc.
I have suffered so long and hard from depression, anxiety disoder and Trichotillomania; no one but Allah can acknowledge, and help me. I understand that much. However, it seems as though my mental disorders are going from bad to worse.
I do not wish to seek medical help, since i wish to go into a science course which expects its students to be 'healthy mentally, physically and socially' - and my mental illness will appear on my health record, jeopardizing my chance of educating in my field of interest.
Also, i have hard, and witnessed myself, that seeing psychologists and taking drugs do not help for mental disorders.
I only wish for a SPIRITUAL healing. I want to know if there is anyway for me to get rid of this problem and how.
Jazakallah for your help. May Allah reward you.