Can a 13 year old make an informed decision?

My fiancé and I are getting married soon and he has a 13 year old son. My fiancé’s ex wife has been married three times. She and my fiancé met in high school, got pregnant, and got married. After that marriage disbanded, she moved home to her parents, then met another man, got pregnant and got married, producing two more kids. After that marriage disbanded, she moved back home to her parents, met another man, got pregnant and got married, producing another child, and taking on the guys 4 other kids. So the grand total of kids is 8, ranging from 13 to about 4 or something. I’m leaving out a lot of details because I’m not trying to put her down, we all make decisions and must live with the consequences of our actions.

Apparently her third marriage is on the rocks, but she plans on moving all of the kids out of state 8 hours away from her family, my fiancé and his family, and the second husband to be closer to her current husband’s family. If past behavior predicates future behavior, then when /if this marriage fails, she will more likely than not move back to our state.

My only concern is that of how my soon to be step son will take the move. He has been the built in babysitter for the past 7 years, and really doesn’t interact well with children his age. He doesn’t make friends very easily and he’s never been more than an hour away from his father. He sees his father every weekend, and now she’s moving him 8 hours away. His mother has convinced him he should move with her and the rest of the kids, but he has never even been down there to check out the new state.

My fiancé wants his son to make an informed decision, where his son can learn the importance of choices and consequences. But is this reasonable for a 13 year old or tough love?


@TheAfrican: You're right this is an adult decision and I agree. If this were my blood, there would be no way I'm allowing him to move because I understand how important of a role family (both sides) has played in my life. BUT alas, I am just a step parent, so whatever rosy pictures either parent tries to paint is just a strategic game of chess. It's not my place as a step parent to tell his biological parents what to do.

5 Answers

  • kim h
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    He cannot really make an informed decision on this. He either wants to go with his mom or stay with his dad. He does not know more than that. He does not know what moving is going to mean to him and his family. He does not know how bad he will miss his dad or his mom once he cannot see one of them.

  • 1 decade ago

    this is an adult situation. furthermore, this is not a question for opinionated people like yahoo answers. Forcing a child to make an adult decision depends on who can convince him best, that's y its an ADULT decision. he shouldn't be allowed to make that decision, he is a child. both parents should think about the welfare of the child, not themselves, and make a better decision for the child. this sounds like the parents are bickering amongst themselves and forcing the child to make a decision that he is too young to make.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think it is very reasonable. From what you've said, it seems the boy has had a rocky life so far and letting him make this decision would allow him a bit more normalcy in his life.

  • carle
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    At thirteen i think of he's satisfactorily previous to be waiting to make an counseled determination. If he does not like another state then is it available for him to return and stay with you? if so because it is important and sit down him down and tell him what you think of (his father's opinion would be significant to him) and different issues.

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  • 1 decade ago

    uuuhhh.....i dont know....

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