Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 1 decade ago

Can you reword this paragraph for me, to make it sound more professional?

As I entered the darkened, old house I stepped upon an old mat. I knelt down and bent the corner of the mat up and used it as a stopper to hold the door steadily open too avoid the creaking of the rusty hinges. I tiptoed silently through the hall to the stairs, careful not to disturb the sleeping owner. When I reached the creaky staircase which I was so very familiar with, I stepped over the first stair and onto the second, then the third, I stepped over the forth, clutching the banister tightly to hold my balance. Avoiding each creaking stair that may give me away.

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  • 1 decade ago
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    I stepped onto an old mat as I entered the darkened, old house. I knelt and bent the corner of the mat up. It held the door steadily open to avoid the squeal of rusty hinges. I tiptoed silently through the hall, being careful not to disturb the sleeping owner. When I reached the familiar staircase, I stepped over the first stair and onto the second, then the third, and forth, clutching the banister tightly to keep my balance. I dodged every creaking stair that may blow my cover.

    i just changed the order of some things and took out redundant and overused phrases like "creaked" which you said three times. gl sounds like a spooky, erie story.

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  • An old mat lay in the doorway to the darkened, old house. I knelt down to fold it, and arranged it as a stopper to hold the door open so as to avoid the creaking of the rusty hinges. I tiptoed silently through the hall to the stairs, careful not to disturb the sleeping owner. I stepped over the first stair and onto the second, then the third. I stepped over the fourth, clutching the bannister tightly. Avoiding each squeaking step that may give me away.

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  • K
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    As I entered the darkened, old house I stepped upon an old mat. I knelt down and bent the corner of the mat up, using it as a stopper to avoid the creaking of the door's rusty hinges. Careful not to disturb the house's sleeping owner, I tiptoed silently through the hall to the stairs. I reached the creaky staircase that I was so familiar with, clutching the banister and stepping over the first and fourth stairs as I ascended, for they creaked and may give me away.

    There's my try. :)

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    -door steadily open too avoid the creaking of the rusty hinges.-

    I would change "too" into "to" and that would be it.

    I think it sounds great.

    Nice job

    =)

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  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds professional to me.

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