Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 10 years ago

Who do I have as my birthing partner? complicated situation.?

I was with my ex for 3 years and we were trying for a baby for 8 months, I never fell and he broke it off suddenly seemingly for no reason (he was actually cheating I later found out he'd left me for her) It was very hurtful but I moved on and a friend of mine helped me through it and we ended up in a relationship, I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 20 weeks and felt the baby move by that time I had been officially dating my new partner for 2 months, he is a single dad to 2 children himself and he promised to stick by me and has.

My ex however is not on great speaking terms with me, he tried saying the baby wasn't his even though I was completely monogamous to him and he knows this as well, he refused to believe it until recent weeks when he worked out the dates and knew it had to be his. He is however very hostile towards me and has been accusing me of getting pregnant to try and ruin his relationship with the girl he cheated on me with (which considering we were trying for this baby is ridiculous).

My ex has now said he wants to be there for the birth and as he is the biological father I do obviously see reason for that but I don't really want him there when he can't utter one nice word to me or be civil at all. My current partner also said he wants to be there but im not sure I want him to. He has been so good to me and treated me so well, I could not have got through this without him and I just feel so guilty for what i've put him through.

Who should I have with me the abusive father of the baby that is constantly telling me how ive let myself go since our relationship and how he doesn't see what had appealed to him or my lovely partner who has been so good to me and so understanding? I did say that I would do it on my own to avoid causing unnecessary hassle but my mum said I wont be able to do it alone. I know my mum won't like seeing me in pain so I don't want to take her. Could I do it on my own?

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  • 10 years ago

    If your not with the biological father you dont need to have in the room with you, I think by the sounds of the way your feeling right now that he would be better off waiting outside as he will just stress you out!! Believe you me ive been through the pain of childbirth you need to be relaxed and in a calm place not worried about what the ex will say next nasty ot not!! I do however understand that the biological father will be pissed if your new man is in and he isn't so I would do it on my own!!! You can do this by yourself I had my mum and my partner at the birth and to be perefctly honest i paid them no attention (i didnt want sweet words or encouragment) I was to busy concentrating on my midwife and her on me!!!!!

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  • 10 years ago

    You have in the room whoever YOU want in there. Giving birth is stressful enough as it is without your ex making it worse for you. If you want your current partner in there with you then do that. I understand that your ex wants to see his child come into the world but how the heck does he think he will be able to comfort and support you through labour if he is constantly putting you down.

    Even though you say your mum wouldnt like seeing you in pain she probably would be a great support to you. I had my mum in with me as well as my husband and even though she didnt do much it was nice to know she was there.

    Honestly you will not need the hassle when you are giving birth and im afraid your ex will have to understand that if you choose to not have him in the room.

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  • 10 years ago

    I am in a similar situation, my ex left me when he found out i was pregnant and wants nothing to do with me or the baby. i'm now with someone who knows my situation, has a daughter himself and is very understanding and wants to be there for me and my baby. my ex hasnt asked to be at the birth but i know if he did i wouldnt want him there. i know it sounds selfish but you're the one who is going to be in pain and you need people there you trust and love as when you're in labour you're going to be very vulnerable. maybe speak to your ex and say that you will keep him updated throughout the labour by phone and as soon as the baby has arrived he can come to visit or he can wait outside in the waiting room!!!

    good luck xxx

    Source(s): 20 weeks pregnant
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  • 10 years ago

    Take your current partner -

    You *could* do this on your own but if he's willing its nice to have some additional support during labor

    You don't need to be verbally abused whilst in labor

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  • 10 years ago

    you only know the answer to that...

    ...but....

    ....im rooting for the new guy !!! lol

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