Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 10 years ago

Who do I have as my birthing partner? complicated situation.?

I was with my ex for 3 years and we were trying for a baby for 8 months, I never fell and he broke it off suddenly seemingly for no reason (he was actually cheating I later found out he'd left me for her) It was very hurtful but I moved on and a friend of mine helped me through it and we ended up in a relationship, I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 20 weeks and felt the baby move by that time I had been officially dating my new partner for 2 months, he is a single dad to 2 children himself and he promised to stick by me and has.

My ex however is not on great speaking terms with me, he tried saying the baby wasn't his even though I was completely monogamous to him and he knows this as well, he refused to believe it until recent weeks when he worked out the dates and knew it had to be his. He is however very hostile towards me and has been accusing me of getting pregnant to try and ruin his relationship with the girl he cheated on me with (which considering we were trying for this baby is ridiculous).

My ex has now said he wants to be there for the birth and as he is the biological father I do obviously see reason for that but I don't really want him there when he can't utter one nice word to me or be civil at all. My current partner also said he wants to be there but im not sure I want him to. He has been so good to me and treated me so well, I could not have got through this without him and I just feel so guilty for what i've put him through.

Who should I have with me the abusive father of the baby that is constantly telling me how ive let myself go since our relationship and how he doesn't see what had appealed to him or my lovely partner who has been so good to me and so understanding? I did say that I would do it on my own to avoid causing unnecessary hassle but my mum said I wont be able to do it alone.

Update:

My Mum would go with me if I really wanted but I know she won't like seeing me in pain, I don't want to upset her. Could I do it alone?

8 Answers

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  • 10 years ago
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    the labour is supposed to be a comfortable time for you believe it or not lol, do not have anyone in there with u who will make u feel anxious, scared or upset it will only prolong the labour, have people in there u will feel comfortable around and happy with, he cannot say anything or do anything and he cannot get in there to u whilst your in labour because the security will be to high, by all means tho if u do not want your ex in the room with u then dont have him there take your mom and closest friend or just your mom x

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  • 10 years ago

    Screw him, it might be his biological kid but was he there while you were having morning sickness, was he the one who helped you with your cravings?

    Your birthing partner should be a person who will be there to support you through labour, the baby's biological father can come and see him after that. He has got no right legally or even morally to demand to be there for the birth.

    Also the birth will probably take hours before you see a baby, so do you honestly want to spend that much time with the guy?

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  • 4 years ago

    If your not with the biological father you dont need to have in the room with you, I think by the sounds of the way your feeling right now that he would be better off waiting outside as he will just stress you out!! Believe you me ive been through the pain of childbirth you need to be relaxed and in a calm place not worried about what the ex will say next nasty ot not!! I do however understand that the biological father will be pissed if your new man is in and he isn't so I would do it on my own!!! You can do this by yourself I had my mum and my partner at the birth and to be perefctly honest i paid them no attention (i didnt want sweet words or encouragment) I was to busy concentrating on my midwife and her on me!!!!!

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  • 10 years ago

    have you thought about a doula? I would go with who is going to give you the most support and call the biological father after the birth to come see the baby, he doesn't have to see you he can visit in the nursery with Dr's and nurses in there with him.

    You could do it alone but that is the very venerable time for you and it is good for you to have support, the Dr's and nurses do not have the time to stay with you and help you.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    dont listen to what anyone else wants. abusive father, nice guy, anyone... its your choice and you need whomever will make you the most comfortable. i'd say, if biological father cannot be nice to you, he doesnt deserve to be there. you can do it alone, or bring a very good friend. i'm sure your mom would love to go with you too, the pain is only part of the birth!

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  • you dont need the stress from someone that just talks to u badly and downgrades you, and if the man that u r with wants to be there during the birth then let him, my babys father and i are not together but he has never called me fat or anything mean since i have been pregnant( i will be 35 weeks friday) and he is going to be there for the birth of his son, and i am looking forward to it, but like i said u sont need the stress during labor from someone that doesnt care about u or ur feelings

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  • 10 years ago

    Not your ex, its stressful enough without that kind of pressure. If your new partner makes you feel good and wants to treat the child as his, why not have him there? The child will be part of your lives together.

    However, if you are uncomfortable with either I agree you should ask a close female friend/sister/mom someone you feel comfortable with. Good Luck.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Maybe you could have your mom with you? You obviously don't need the bio father in there with you as it doesn't sound like he would be very supportive and if you are unsure about having your bf with you that may cause too much stress. Idk how your mom would feel about it but sounds to me that if she is willing that might be a better option.

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