Birth moms- how is/how would you like you relationship w/ child to be?

I am adopted. My adoptive family was always very open about my birth parents and I always had a picture, quilt my birth mom made for me, and her name. So one night at the age 16 my girlfriends and I looked her up, called her, and then shortly after had a meeting along with my adoptive mom of course. It was... show more I am adopted. My adoptive family was always very open about my birth parents and I always had a picture, quilt my birth mom made for me, and her name.

So one night at the age 16 my girlfriends and I looked her up, called her, and then shortly after had a meeting along with my adoptive mom of course.

It was all very sweet in the beginning but now 5 years later I feel like my birth mom is assuming role of my 'real' mom.

Telling me what to do, being real harsh with me, and just acting too comfortable. Does that make sense? Like when I got pregnant young she told me she was disappointed in me and tried to urge me to look at my options even though I already made up my mind to get married and keep the baby. I decorate cakes for a living and shes VERY critical of my decorating techniques and always tries to correct me. And also, when my daughter wines she gets so irritated and doesn't hesitate to let me know. My 2 year old can sense the tension and in turn she is scared of my birth mom (her birth granny).

I only see her maybe 3 times a year. We live hours away from each other so its not like we are so close. I feel like its a tad bit hurtful the way shes so 'open' with me.

Also, she is highly educated with much more $ than me and sometimes I feel like she is disappointed I cant be as well off right now?

Its very complicated. How can I talk to her about this without upsetting her?

Also, I dont want to sound cold, but wouldnt you expect a birth mother who is seeking a relationship with the baby they gave up to be more tender/caring/not so judgmental?

Whats your opinion on this?
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