I personally, don't like to see shrinks. I have anxiety bad and were going to try this new program (which is taking my parents forever to order and I can't wait because I can't have a job being anxious all the time and it affects my grades) anyway, therapists always made my anxiety worse. I learned its because they constantly talk about the issue which make you stress more about it. So if I hadn't gone to a shrink, I would have recommended you to one, since your behavior is not normal (not meaning this as an insult, actually, it is kinda normal based upon why you frear it, but not at the same time if you get what I mean, your reactions aren't normal.) Maybe see a shrink anyway, my issue was way different, so maybe they can help anyway. But if you don't feel like its working, stop right away! But anyway, moving on, what do you mean pain pills? I was joking with my mom about taking tons of pain pills when I have kids, because I'm a sucker for pain and she said and what, harm the baby? I hadn't thought of that but what you take the baby takes. You can't take pills. Did you mean epidoral? Anyway, maybe you should take one next time. For get natural, ouch! And note this, your first is always your hardest. I was the most painful baby. My brother was moderate, and my younger sister was the easiest. But I wouldn't try to get pregnant again anyway, it sounds like your not ready yet wait to get things settled into your new job first and give yourself a break. Make sure you birth controls are strong enough. I took one because I was spotting and having my period all the time, and I had to up it twice because I kept spotting anyway. Maybe try a condom, but don't think you both using one will help, if you use two one will rub against the other one (but you probably already knew that) Anyway, I honestley don't know how else to help! I imagine that's really hard. You love children, but having a baby right now is not the best time for you. I wish you the best of luck and I'll pray for you! Another note, if you decided your completley done with kids, have your husband get fixed. Oh and I got to mention right on for having sex but being married. It really bothers me that people my age already do that. I guess I'm just old fashioned, but goodness, its for being in love! Sorry that was really long. Well good luck!