? asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 10 years ago

How's My Prologue? Best answer gets 10 Points!!?

FYI I do NOT believe in 2012. Its a hoax.

***NOTE***

STEAL MY IDEA/BEGINNING AND I WILL KILL YOU. I'M SERIOUS.

DEAD SERIOUS.

Prologue

About 100 years ago the world "ended." Yep. Actually, make that exactly 100 years ago.

December 21, 2012. Boom.

The People used to say that the world would end by a planet crashing into Earth, but others said it was all a lie.

Yeah. Sure.

Planet X literally rocked the world, crashing into the Earth and knocking it off course.

Earth population in 2011: 6.5 million.

Earth population in 2013: 600.

My name is Raven. I'm 14. I survive and live with seven others. We are the last humans on Earth.

Bird is my younger sister. She's ten.

Wolf is 14. He's quiet but strong.

Leaf is twelve.

Bone is ten. He is very loud and abnoxious.

Pheonix is nine and blind.

Flower is four. She's Bone's sister.

Then there's me. Raven. Age? 14. Leader of the Fighters. We fight to survive, and survive to fight.

Welcome to our nightmare.

Population: 7.

Update:

Oh and yes, I do have paragraphs, but Yahoo! Answers for some reason forbids to tab for a new paragraph... :(

Update 2:

Ok why their names aren't... normal, is because they have never heard of regular names. They named themselves because they can't remember what they were called before their parents died. They named themselves after things they saw or thought, or their personality.

They don't have houses exactly- only like, ruined buildings, though nature is taking its course and destroying the buildings.

And yes, I plan to have Raven with Wolf. LOL.

Also, there are others, but they don't know that.

I don't describe the characters that much in the prologue because I want to "unfold" them.

Update 3:

Ok why their names aren't... normal, is because they have never heard of regular names. They named themselves because they can't remember what they were called before their parents died. They named themselves after things they saw or thought, or their personality.

They don't have houses exactly- only like, ruined buildings, though nature is taking its course and destroying the buildings.

And yes, I plan to have Raven with Wolf. LOL.

Also, there are others, but they don't know that.

I don't describe the characters that much in the prologue because I want to "unfold" them.

12 Answers

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  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Needs work. Has some good points, but misses the mark. I think you should consider a rewrite. Normally a prologue will give some more background details... (a "pre-quel" to the main story) and not include a straight character intro... e.g. the story of Raven losing her parents... and how she learned about the end of the world.

    I like this as the intro: "The People used to say that the world would end by a planet crashing into Earth, but others said it was all a lie."

    A quibble ==> Don't simply give a list of characters with names and ages in the prologue. It's too static and you'll lose the reader's interest. I think the reader has bigger unanswered questions looming on the horizon. If you want to list out the characters tell me a pre-quel story about getting the gang together to fight or run away. Hide and seek. Show and tell.

    I've provided a few guiding questions to consider in a rewrite:

    1. Why is our narrator, Raven, writing this story down? Fighting to survive seems a bit hopeless to me. Is there something else to hope for? Explain Raven's motivation.

    2. What is Raven (and her "friends") fighting exactly? Fighting for basic necessities? Something more sinister? And if it's something more sinister... are the characters also hiding/running away? Give the reader a hint. Where did all the adults go? Why are there only 7children left (seems a bit absurd without some explanation)? (Foreshadowing)

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  • 10 years ago

    When you say that someone is fourteen, you write fourteen. You don't put the numbers. But you can keep the numbers for times and I guess in this case the population. But not for age.

    You have really bizarre names for your characters. Raven? Leaf? Bone? What happened to Jessica, Kyle, or Daniel? Weird names for characters, without a good reason, isn't usually accepted in the literary world.

    You said that you survive and live with seven others but the population is still seven?

    Don't give character descriptions in the prologue. You do that when you start the story. The prologue should be about the Planet X crashing into Earth, not about who's going to be in the story. In fact, I don't even think you should have the main character in it. Prologues are meant for what happened before the story begins, so I would have the prologue be about the chaos of Planet X hitting Earth and what happened afterwards. Why are there only eight/seven kids still alive? Explain what happened to the adults!

    Don't tell us that he is "very loud and obnoxious" let us know by having him act that way. Don't tell us that Flower is Bone's little sister, have it come up in the story. Have a moment where Bone and his sister talk about their parents or something.

    Why are you fighting for survival when you there's only y'all left? And why are y'all only surviving to fight? I would try to survive to survive.

    Why are only eight (or is it still seven) kids alive? You need to have some adults there, it doesn't make sense to have only kids. In reality, y'all would probably be dead because only the strong survive and let's be honest kids aren't that strong.

    Describe stuff! Don't tell! Show! Pretend it's show and tell, except you've lost your voice so you can't tell anything. Now pretend that the audience is blind and can only know what it looks like through description, now describe it into words on paper (someone will later translate it into brail for your audience).

    Source(s): I have sold like three short stories and have been writing for a long time.
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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Hardly a prologue and certainly not an original idea because this sort of thing, the end of the world, has been done many times in many forms. The trick is to find a different slant on that particular theme and I am sure you have done that. The only character you need mention in a prologue is the main one otherwise you start to give too much away and that is not a good idea. I wish you well with the story because the end of the world theme with only a few survivors is a very difficult subject. You will have to work out how mankind is going to survive all over again. It is an interesting subject and I would like to see how you approach it. Good luck with your writing.

    Source(s): Experience.
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  • 4 years ago

    Not really. I read half a paragraph and I got too bored to continue. You need a hook; something to make the reader wonder, so they'll continue reading to find the answer. Admitting that this book will be boring is going to lose you a lot of potential readers. Also, if you want to write from the perspective of a women in the 1700's, go and do some research on the time period, and read some books written then. Right now it doesn't sound very authentic.

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  • 10 years ago

    For a prologue it's good. I think it is a little broad. I know a prologue is supposed to not reveal too much but it should also make people want to read more. I would suggest describing how December 21st looked and then start off ..."About 100 years ago the world 'ended'..........." and so on. The rest is good. It interested me it's really good :3

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    I am amazed at the whole idea of 2012 but don't believe in it for real. This does a great job or making people who don't believe in it feel that it is real. For your characters, at least.This sounds very intriguing and mysterious. It makes people want to read more. I would definitely read it, so keep on writing!

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  • 10 years ago

    from what i've learned from my english teacher that gets involved in writing novels a lot told me you should always never leave the reader out on use full information... if your characters have weird names for a reason and you know that reason, i bet the reader wants to know as well. when a publisher looks at that, they are going to think that you are just playing to much of a Fantasy. but i think it was really good.. keep me updated on the next chapter maybe we could help each other you know make deadlines for each other, read nad give feedback it would b great :)

    hope i helped, thanks by the way

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    It's... absolutely engrossing. I would love to read it and I would like for you to send it to me when you have some more. Don't worry, I won't steal it. I, as an author, have complete respect for others works. Let me guess... Raven ends up with Wolf, right?

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    I think it is really good but you would have to say more about Leaf, Bird, Flower. mybe like for Bird if she died i'd died to (or maybe) if she died id died mentaly.

    maby something like Leaf she is taking the end hard without her family but she loves us all as much as she can.

    maybe Flower is the opisite of Bone she has alot of good ideas though.

    I dont know it just didnt feel like their was enough information on them and i just gave u them in case u couldnt come up with others and i dont know y because i know nuffin about them but tht is wat i feel in them.

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  • 10 years ago

    My name is Raven. I'm 14

    Then there's me. Raven. Age? 14.

    see u say it again. u have to erase it .

    and i think that this idea is very old and..

    but u r story is good . if u try and say it verrrry interesting , u can win.

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