Husband wants to leave over circumcision issue?
Hi, so we found out the baby is a boy and after much hesitation I finally decided to bring the issue of circumcision up with my man. And oh boy did that not go well... He WANTS it and I DO NOT WANT it and we are both very strong on our opinions (hence the capital letters). I keep trying to throw facts at him and explain to him all the research I've done, but he just wont hear it. I tell him that I used to be for it with my first son and was originally going to do it, but after much research decided not to.
He keeps saying it's "cleaner" and it "smells" and that 98% of people he spoke with agree with him. He also says that there is less infections and blah blah, but I know that none of this is true. It's so simple to clean and I know that the chances of infection are very low. As far as it smells, well I never even heard that. And I have been with one and don't remember it smelling....
He says girls like it more, well screw the superficial ***** that wont be with someone over a circumcision! (Or not screw her, whatever!)
Anyways, he says that he will leave me if I decide not to do it and that he doesn't even know why he got with me if I believe this.... I mean really? I didn't know that was a deciding factor in a marriage. Like oh hi nice to meet you, do you believe in circumcision? No? SEE YAH! I guess we should have had that convo on our first date!
I don't know if he's just saying that, or if he actually will. But all I know is if he decides to leave then that is his choice and I guess that's that. Because I will NOT be getting this done. Any opinions?
- Anonymous10 years agoBest Answer
Ugh, I can't believe that people think that comments like "my husband had to get circumcised at age 5" are valid reasons for you to mutilate your son. For a long time, doctors used circumcision as a first resort (or as a hopeful first resort- they wanted money!) for infection and phimosis. But modern doctors (the non-corrupt ones) know that infections can be cured with antibiotics (as in the cause of ALL body parts!) and phimosis can be cured with steroid cream and manual stretching/soaking in water. But infections are very rare, and phimosis is fairly rare as well. Phimosis is more common than infections, though. But that doesn't mean it's something to fear- it's very, very managable. And phimosis is 100% normal until the boy is (on average) 10 years old, or even until puberty, or slightly past puberty. Don't let people scare you! Ignorance is abound in the these answers...but please know that leaving a boy intact does not mean he'll have problems- and that foreskin problems are not the end of the world. We have showers, we have antibiotics, we have creams....it isn't the dark ages anymore.
- LaceyLv 510 years ago
First, both you and your husband need to write down all of the reasons you have for wanting or not wanting the circumcision. Then you need to take them to your older son's pediatrician and get a medical opinion about what it is you think is true. This may alleviate some of his fears about leaving your son's foreskin intact.
Also you should point out that since your older son is uncircumcised this child will not be in the position of feeling like a freak because he's the only boy he knows whose penis looks like that. Should he decide later in life that he would prefer to be circumcised it will still be a simple procedure to do so and he can make that decision for himself.
When it comes to him threatening to leave, ask him if a little bit of skin is really worth losing the day to day involvement in his son's life that this decision would lead to. Then ask yourself the same question. Remember that despite your research, the majority of American males of the last few generations have been circumcised with no ill effects, including your current partner. It would be much more productive to move on and begin arguing about your child's education and whether or not to let him play football.
Very few men, when asked as adults, care much one way or the other about the decision their parents made to circumcise or not circumcise. By the time the realize that there is a difference, their penis is a longtime friend and is appreciated for it's accomplishments rather than for it's appearance. And beyond a little initial curiosity, most women don't really care about whether a guy is or isn't, cause there is no difference in performance based on the presence or absence of a foreskin.
- PatriciaLv 44 years ago
As other people have already mentioned, this issue is all about your husband. He can not see past his own penis right now. This is freak-out time for him. He was circumcised at birth. He did not get a chance to go through life with a foreskin, and hell will freeze over before his son is going to get a chance to have one. It's all about denial. Your husband is trying to get rid of the evidence of what HE is missing, so he doesn't ever have to be compared to his own little baby son and feel lacking in anything. He wants to cut it out of his sight, and cut it out of his mind, this whole idea of the foreskin that somebody took away from HIM. It's awesome that you understand the psychological difficulty of the situation. Circumcision is perpetuated by parents who buckle under fear and scare tactics and cultural preference garbage. Ask your husband if he has ever heard the term "unconditional love." It means loving someone no matter what. It means loving someone exactly the way they are. It means that person doesn't have to change to be loved, or to be more lovable. Try to get your husband to see how pathetic and irrational he is for obsessing about his son's foreskin. Let your husband walk out if that's what he wants. Maybe he needs to get some distance and perspective on the situation. Just realize that the arctic relations won't continue forever. Once your adorable son arrives he'll melt both your hearts. Final point: HE NEEDS TO GET OVER IT BIG TIME.
- 10 years ago
I am a man. A few years ago I asked my Dad why I was circumcised. He said that when I was born, it was still the prevailing "folk wisdom" among doctors was that it beneficial. He had no reason to question the practice at the time. Secondly, and more disturbingly, I was born in a military hospital, and he was never consulted about it by the obstetrician.
I applaud you for your moral courage, and your willingness to defend the intimate, personal rights of your unborn son.
Just because your husband has a penis doesn't entitle him to an objective opinion. After all, do any of his opinions come from *personal experience?* If so, how could he possibly know the difference!? In other words, he's full of sh*t.
I'm sorry if I have a hard time hiding my contempt for your husband's viewpoint.
Ask your husband this: If his son was 10, or 15, would he FORCE him to get circumcised at THAT age?
I think not.....
Why then, does it become OK to do so just because his son is a newborn and can't possibly object?
Doesn't he think his son is entitled to have a choice in the matter!? Would you allow him to FORCE your son to get his tongue pierced as a baby?
The medical benefits of circumcision are indeed dubious at best. However, the immediate risks of this surgery are REAL. For example, pain that lasts for weeks or months, serious, potentially life-threatening infections, permanent disfigurement, even loss of the entire penis.... (if you don't consider circumcision itself to be "permanent disfigurement", in which case the rate of complications is 100%)
These are risks associated with any kind surgery; the best preventative measure is not to have "elective" surgery in the first place.
EDIT: shame on those cowardly women in this forum who think they have no right to stand up to their husbands in this matter. I'm glad they were never MY mother.
EDIT: oh yeah, just because an infant doesn't understand and probably won't fully remember the experience, doesn't mean they can't feel pain! That's just sick and sadistic....
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- treehuggerLv 510 years ago
First of all, no one dating now gets a say. By the time your son is dating there will plenty of intact guys out there. No kidding. Because the circ rate in the United Sates has dropped to half. Second, if you've ever lived abroad, you'd know that most of the world's men are intact, just as Mother Nature designed them. Women often brag about their hot Latin lover or their amazing French lover... guess what? These guys had a foreskin. Sex with them was smoother, more glide-y and long lasting. None of this "faster, harder" stuff you get from American men.
Tell your husband he has no right to wound your son.Source(s): http://www.sexasnatureintendedit.com/ http://www.nocirc.org/symposia/second/denniston2.h... http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2008/03/circumcis... http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com/2006/11/06/the-c...
- Anonymous10 years ago
Interesting, in that your issue is usually the father's issue with it.
Regardless of your research, the #1 problem is little boys do not keep themselves really clean, and it than become a growth area for bacteria. My grandson finally had to have it done when they were 7. If you think it's bad for a baby, try a 7 year old. Yes, you can say you will teach the boy to keep it clean, but boys have their own meaning for the word clean. So, when he's 8, 9, 10, 11, or 12, are you going to daily tell him to whip it out for inspection?
I gave my daughter the same warning, but she didn't listen either.
- Anonymous10 years ago
Move to Europe, the girls your son will date will be used to that. American girls not used to that.
Flip a coin to decide
I do need to add that when it is hard, you can't tell whether a man is or isn't circumcised. You only can notice when it is flaccid.Source(s): Dated one for almost 3.5 years never noticed for months!
- TabathaLv 410 years ago
My step son had to be circumcised at the age of 5 it was horrible for him due to infection and believe me we were really clean. My dad was never circumcised and he said its a horrible thing for him when it comes to sex he has to pull back the skin for gratification and he wishes he is angry with his mom to this day. Also why is this not both your decision?? why do you think your the final word. The two of you should discuss the reasons why you are for/ against it and be adults and come to a mutual decision it was mutual when you made this child. Its not just his decision or just yours!!! Why take a chance on your son having to have it done at a older age when his member has grown a bit and it will be very painful and traumatic for him?? When you can spare him by having it done?? A baby barely cries afterwards and heal perfectly and don't remember it a boy or man it is very hard on so if you love him do whats best for the child!!!! You are not a man and you dont know what its like to be uncircumcised think about him!!! Your hubby is right. all besides the threatening to leave you thats childish but i can see how it hurts him that you think your decision is final. If you want him to be a great father dont exclude him from decision making when it comes to the child. why do you think so many men avoid being fathers these days??????Source(s): Mother of 6
- MCSHughesLv 710 years ago
I can't believe such ignorant answers!
If her husband smoked, should the kid too?
Just because he is or isn't circumsized means NOTHING! In fact, it would be much wiser to disregard the outdated emotional advice of a man that is that immature.
Do a Jewish custom if it makes you feel better, but there's no need for it at all.
- frosty62Lv 410 years ago
Here are the facts: Smell? only if your a dirty person. Women? the only reaction I got was Cool!. Pain? none unless it was one of those all nighters that was crazy whos not sore after that? it was worth it.
I know I was not circumsized