Giving up on life. Nothing to live for. F*k my life.?
I know theres a million more posts out there like this, so I know im nothing special.
I'm 19 years old. I wasted my life on worthless crap and now I have nothing and nobody.
My loneliness is eating away whats left of my sanity, I live in a very small town with no way out.
Nobody here wants to know me, I have no family, no job, no friends. I have no relatives, or anywhere to go. I am completely alone in the world. I have a computer and a bed.
I have no skills whatsoever, I'm bored by everything and I am sick of putting up with all the drama and associated BS in life.
Every day I'm faced with rejection. People look at me with disgust and hate. People say they want to help, spend about 5 mintues trying and give up almost immediately after. This does nothing to heal my faith in humanity or society. 'Friends' last only days, depression is contagious and I suppose I'm very good at destroying the beliefs and dreams of others... I am full of hate and misery, not at my own behest but by that of the world.
Love has failed me time and time again, and I have grown beyond impatient. I give up. I'm obviously not good enough for this existence. Im starving, withering away into nothingness. I once had it all but now I'm nothing. Nobody.
I steal just to get by, I have come to the end. I am sick of being an angry worthless stain on the ass of society. Theres nothing left for me, I can't think of a single reason to keep going. Only reasons to die.
I have no pleasure in life whatsoever. Every day is a misery and I'm sick of trying. Sick of putting on a facade to please others. This is who I am. This is me sharing with the world my misery.
All my life I've given, only taking when I need it. This is me asking for help.
(yes I am quite aware of where I'm posting this, and I will do so as I believe this is where I will be most likely to find some form of help)
PS: Do NOT suggest professional help. That kind of help does not exist around here.
I have no future. Employment is a rarity where I live, I have no way out.
I have no way of going to college. I came out of school with nothing. I have applied to every college in the country and been rejected. (I live in New Zealand, don't get me started on how much of a dump this place is, the culture is disgusting..).
I put on a facade. I suspect people can see through, but I doubt its very easy. It doesn't matter what I do, what I try, I always end up back at rock bottom. Im giving up. I'm sick of trying.
I cannot live with myself, yet I am forced to every moment of my miserable existence. Theres too much blood on my hands. Too much weight on my shoulders, my soul is stained beyond recognition. I am beyond redemption.
TO THOSE OF YOU POSTING ABOUT JESUS/GOD/RELIGION GIVE IT UP. I grew up as a religious person. Religion has never worked for me. It never will.
TO THOSE OF YOU POSTING NEGATIVE RESPONSES BUGGER OFF. I have enough negativity to deal with without you adding to it. I came here for help. NOT to be laughed at or hurt further. So F* OFF
@ Beytza - I have spent 4 years looking for work. The simple and sad reality is that there is none. I live in a small town where business are closing down every month. People are losing jobs. Telling me to do the impossible helps none. Thanks.
@ KITT - I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am FRUSTRATED TO HELL of being unable to change anything. I appreciate your well-thought out answer, and agree that others may view me as being toxic. But isn't there anyone out there who isn't afraid of getting their hands dirty?
As for goals, I have set plenty. I have tried and failed. There is no goal I can set that will work for me. Everything I do turns to shit.
while i may appear to be being a whiney little bitch about all this shit i really am at the end of my tether.
look past this. theres plenty of fascist people out there, why lower urself to being one?
- DianaLv 410 years agoBest Answer
Well, You might not believe what I'm going to say,but before I found Jesus, I was like you. I felt like there was no point to my existence, I was lonely, and yea I just wanted to die. But in God, things are different. He gives us hope, and a reason to live. When I came to christianity, God gave me brothers, from the church,and He gave me a father, which is himself. I'm not lonely anymore, my family, is awesome, and I'm just happy. Without God, I was nothing, and today I am something. This is probably not the answer you work looking for.. but I truly hope you take it into consideration. Even if you don't, just don't give up on life. Some people, let's say for example people with cancer, would love to be healthy and full of life, and you just want to throw it away. Anyways, I truly hope you find happiness. Good luck in life... e-mail me sometime, that would be cool. :)
- 5 years ago
Wow I can totally relate to you I'm 19 a male and from so cal. I don't have much to live for at all I feel like I'm also wasting my days in this pathetic society. Can't figure out what to do with myself that would make me happy. Everything's a whore. Tried college and failed. Just giving up but I'm still here
- SonnyLv 44 years ago
No, because you have to think that no matter what you've been through and had to endure, it could always ALWAYS be worse. I was never abused, but I was in an accident when I was 13 and am now permanently in a wheelchair. Afterward I was really depressed and dealt with a lot of physical pain from my serious injury. I'm religious, but I'm not going to lie - religion didn't help me at all during that time, I just had to realize that even though I had more to deal with than a lot of people, especially at my age, I was still lucky. Last semester I interned with the Make-A-Wish Foundation and the experence made me realize even more how lucky I am. Maybe talking to a counselor would help you, if you haven't already. There are also medications that can help with social anxiety. Good luck!
- 10 years ago
You have not wasted you "life". You haven't had a life yet. The first 19 years is preparation for life. So you didn't prepare well, try to work and fix that. You say you don't have a skill. You have a computer and can use it. There is the start of a skill. Love has not "failed" you. Hormones and lust have. As for help I suggest you turn to the church. I'm not preaching and I don't care which church. And I'm not talking about the congregation. Go and talk with a preacher or priest If all he says if " Ah, my boy just pray and the Lord will provide", do it and go to another preacher or priest who will help. I'm not talking about JESUS/GOD/RELIGION I'm talking about the physical organization of church. Be open with them tell them the whole truth of your life and feelings. Be willing to work with them to help you. It will be hard and you will slip along the way but one of them will help. You say this is who you are. That attitude is what needs to change and only you can do that. You have hit bottom and now there is no way but up. Remember, It's always darkest before the storm. OK that's BS but I had to put at least one lame cliche in, I think it is a law. I hope this will help.
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- 10 years ago
I'm sorry man that life has thrown you a curve ball.You know each day we all face shit but it has to be about how you take it.My life has been shitty at times and I too considered if it would just be easier to end it.I am so glad I didn't.You have to learn to take the good with the bad.Right now you are slightly toxic and people don't much know how to help you.The fact is you got to get up and stop feeling sorry for yourself,(boy do I know how hard that is to do),but what is your option give up! thats a cowards way. Get up get a piece of paper and sit down and set yourself some realistic goals and be proud of who you are smile and live again I don't really do the whole councelling thing either.i think we are all in charge of our own destiny.Be good and smile.It costs nothing but boy do you gain from it
- choochooLv 510 years ago
I am sorry to hear you feel this way. 19 is very very young. You have plenty of time to start a new life. Many people have started a new life at all stages of their life. You are alone but are you not. The world needs you more than you think. What you think about you will attract. If you are always in a bad state of mind, the world and the people in it look ugly. You must be strong. You can do this. Get a job. Any job and start saving money so you can move if you have to. Be positive. Force yourself to refuse to give into self pity. I always think to myself, am I healthy? am I relativity safe? There are people who live in poverty Africa or god knows what and the horror story they everyday is something we cant imagine. So I know it is hard, but find the good things in life and start to make a plan about what you want in life. It takes work and patience but you can do it.
- 10 years ago
Find friends online?
Be negative if you want but don't say I want to die etc. It makes people feel uncomfortable because there is nothing they can do about it.
Don't present yourself as a charity case!!
Say yes my life sucks, yes I have nothing, but I'm going to do everything in my power to fix it.
When people try to help you stop saying you can't change anything or that wont work etc its very annoying when people are unwilling to try things.
Try to help out in the community , do something to occupy you. Become a volunteer worker etc and maybe you'll meet someone.
When you fail, don't give up. Keep trying.
Release the anger: make a punching bag???
Watch this :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4uG2kSdd-4
- Anonymous10 years ago
There is a man. His name is Jesus. i PROMISE you. he will never fail you. his love never fails. Time and Time again life gets me down in the first and people are still kicking me but let me tell you something...the love of God has changed my perspective on life. it has opened my heart to love after i've been hurt and broken by loved ones. God is the greatest comforter. better than any friend, parent, computer, person. etc. email me. He is looking for a relationship with you. he wants to love you.Source(s): My life recently took a turn for the worst but God was there, he is there
- Truth HurtsLv 510 years ago
You seem to have it all figured out. Go ahead and kill yourself.
On a side note, YOU are the only one that can change YOU. Go see a doctor for depression and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
If you were really going to kill yourself, you wouldn't be writing your suicide note on YA and then stating it's a cry for help.......like we didn't all notice.
- Anonymous10 years ago
I'm not going to tell you not to kill yourself unlike everyone else
I have no friends either. Life sucks man.