Giving up on life. Nothing to live for. F*k my life.?
I'm 19 years old. I wasted my life on worthless crap and now I have nothing and nobody.
My loneliness is eating away whats left of my sanity, I live in a very small town with no way out.
Nobody here wants to know me, I have no family, no job, no friends. I have no relatives, or anywhere to go. I am completely alone in the world. I have a computer and a bed.
I have no skills whatsoever, I'm bored by everything and I am sick of putting up with all the drama and associated BS in life.
Every day I'm faced with rejection. People look at me with disgust and hate. People say they want to help, spend about 5 mintues trying and give up almost immediately after. This does nothing to heal my faith in humanity or society. 'Friends' last only days, depression is contagious and I suppose I'm very good at destroying the beliefs and dreams of others... I am full of hate and misery, not at my own behest but by that of the world.
Love has failed me time and time again, and I have grown beyond impatient. I give up. I'm obviously not good enough for this existence. Im starving, withering away into nothingness. I once had it all but now I'm nothing. Nobody.
I steal just to get by, I have come to the end. I am sick of being an angry worthless stain on the ass of society. Theres nothing left for me, I can't think of a single reason to keep going. Only reasons to die.
I have no pleasure in life whatsoever. Every day is a misery and I'm sick of trying. Sick of putting on a facade to please others. This is who I am. This is me sharing with the world my misery.
All my life I've given, only taking when I need it. This is me asking for help.
(yes I am quite aware of where I'm posting this, and I will do so as I believe this is where I will be most likely to find some form of help)
PS: Do NOT suggest professional help. That kind of help does not exist around here.
I have no way of going to college. I came out of school with nothing. I have applied to every college in the country and been rejected. (I live in New Zealand, don't get me started on how much of a dump this place is, the culture is disgusting..).
I cannot live with myself, yet I am forced to every moment of my miserable existence. Theres too much blood on my hands. Too much weight on my shoulders, my soul is stained beyond recognition. I am beyond redemption.
TO THOSE OF YOU POSTING NEGATIVE RESPONSES BUGGER OFF. I have enough negativity to deal with without you adding to it. I came here for help. NOT to be laughed at or hurt further. So F* OFF
while i may appear to be being a whiney little bitch about all this shit i really am at the end of my tether.
look past this. theres plenty of fascist people out there, why lower urself to being one?