Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 10 years ago

Please help: How can you tell when a guy just wants "in your pants"?

fooling around, most likely instead of a serious relationship? what are the warning signs he just wants some action? things he says, does etc...(Besides the obvious one of literally asking for sex etc). How can I tell the difference between an amorous guy who has feelings for me & someone who just wants to get busy?

I am a 22 yr old female trying to navigate the crazy dating world (havent done much dating til recent). Ive recently started dating a new guy; I'd say we're in the very early stages of a relationship. We've made out a few times already, theres obviously physical attraction & a real connection there on a personal level too. We enjoy seeing each other & hanging out. He wants to meet my parents after we hang out a few more times. He has said to me he wants to be a virgin til marriage, but when hes kinda all over me it leaves me a bit confused. I really like him, but I'm wondering if he's just after my body. :-/ Im NOT one to do hook-ups (I am still a virgin) and he is aware of this. Im fairly conservative & dont let it all hang out lol.

I put this here hoping for help from experienced mature people to give advice..A rare find in the singles section which tends to have 12 yr olds on it lol. I need tips & advice on my situation & how guys think these days..appreciate it greatly. Thanks! :]

12 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I am so excited to know that people are still virgins at 22. I lost my virginity at 21. I so wanted to wait until marriage and when the guy I thought was the love of my life broke up with me I was in awe. I started dating a new guy and after 6 months I had sex with him on Christmas Eve after exchanging gifts. I wish I had waited for the right person.

    The one thing I have learned in all of those years is that guys that are after one thing. They usually show their colors one the first or second date. They start talking about it and some letting you know they are interested and definitely want it.

    If this guy wants to meet your parents, that is a "big" deal at 22. You will have to trust someone one day that the person will like and love you for you and not just sex. I made a deal with myself after I lost it. I said I would never sleep with a guy unless I dated him for 6 months. It has been a great rule and as soon as I told some guys that was the last date. But the guys not looking for sex did not care about the 6 months.

    I did get married and unfortunately divorced in the last month because he was unfaithful and a child was born out of the affair. However, I still plan to keep my rule of 6 months.

    Give this guy a chance if you like him and if you think he is genuine. It is fine to make out and be all over you. But he should not be grabbing at you and playing the hand swipe game this early. If he truly respects you he will not try to touch until he knows you are ready. Good luck and enjoy your relationship.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    There is no way to tell that. Heck some guys want, just sex for a couple of years faking whole relationships.

    If a guy were to ask, how can I tell if the 80 dollars I spend dating her will result in sex, I would tell him only way is to date her and find out.

    Same with you, have sex with him and find out. If you wait 3 months and he is gone after sex you just waisted 3 months. Have sex when you feel like doing it, then you know.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    It's simple; he keeps coming around and sticks around after the sex happens.

    No guy is sticking around for long if there's no sex - why should he?

    Waiting until marriage to explore your sexuality is insane.

    There are three key traits that you ought to ensure you are compatible on; orientation, kink, and drive.

    These things are traits which means they don't change much under conscious control - you are who you are.

    Some people aren't straight. That's just reality. Some aren't. Some are bi, some are gay, some are straight. You need to ensure you're compatible on this point and if you never explore your sexuality, you don't know. Divorcing mid-life because one spouse 'comes out of the closet' happens.

    Kink is next most important. Some men are lazy lovers and just want to do missionary position and *nothing* else. Some women are very reserved and don't like to change positions etc...

    Some like to whip and spank each other. Some like to swing.

    This is important. Anything else you ever want to do, you can do with a friend - except this. You are cursed or blessed with your spouse.

    Drive is the least important of three but still causes divorces. His drive can be ten to fifteen times higher than yours or more. If you are too far apart then one partner's temptation to stray, cheat, will be /great/.

    If you hang around this board long enough you will see it is far from just the men complaining about lackluster sex-lives. There's a lot of men that are lazy lovers or have a lot of hang-ups that ultimately prevent you from hitting the big O. Your sex-drive is going to continue to increase from where it is at now. A lot. (The only thing on Earth more perverted than a 15yo boy is a 30yo woman.)

    Lastly, planning to stay a virgin to marriage rarely works out. Most people to do not make it until marriage even if they only ever had sex with each other. Not planning for it means you won't take birth-control and the odds you end up pregnant early sky-rocket.

    You have a boyfriend now. Sex starts with lip-to-lip kissing and finishes with intercourse. Keep starting sex and eventually you are going to finish it. Start taking birth-control so you are ready.

    You can keep it a secret from him for now and just because you are taking birth-control does not mean you "must" have sex. It's just the responsible thing to do.

    (Condoms do not work in practice. They tear, they leak, they pop. They are only 80% effective in preventing pregnancy in the field - and equally 'good' at preventing the spread of disease.)

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  • calling you late you see what you are up to( red flags)

    want to move in with you ( or want you to partially move in with him), or keep his stuff at your place ( meaning he has intentions of sleeping at your place a lot)

    get mad when you call him a lot in a day

    Doesn't really want you to meet his friends, his parents or siblings

    Every time you plan something they have an excuse not to come

    they don't want to meet your friends or relatives

    When you talk about wedding they will say they are sorry but they are not ready

    when you talk aboug kids they are still not ready

    Doesn't want to get into any serious conversation ( in this case he will tend to turn everything to a joke just to get away from it)

    will compliment you a lot on your appearances such as you are sexy, i like you pants/skirt ( when they are short or tight)

    Details added: be careful, meeting your parents is his way of getting closer to you by making it sounds as if he cares. he is not a virgin but act as one ( because is hormons are kicking ) and it seems he just want in your pants. Dating is fine but no sex, not with this guy. When you find the perfect one, you will know, your heart will tell you.

    Do not rush into anything

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  • 10 years ago

    Hold to your standards and see if he hangs around. If you don't have sex with him and he's still in the relationship then he probably doesn't want to just get in your pants.

    As far as the mixed signals he's sending you, even though he's made the decision that he wants to wait until marriage, he's still a red blooded man. He's still turned on by you and wants you. Suppressing the fulfillment of his desire for you makes it worse.

    Hold strong. Don't let him touch you where you don't want to be touched. And see if he stick around. If he does, he's a keeper.

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  • Laura
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    I have been a nurse for 19 years. Please do not have unprotected sex with him again until you and he have been checked by a doctor for STDs. There are several STD's whos' hallmark is an open sore. Two of them are herpes (uncurable) and syphillis which, if left untreated, will cause no further sores but will retreat into your body and (worst case scenario) can cause stillbirth or insanity.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    If he doesn't want to talk about art and politics nor taking a bicycle ride around the park and wants nothing but to see you without clothes and no other interests is a slime bucket from hell.

    Source(s): sister advice
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  • 10 years ago

    I agree with "troll"

    He's a normal man. he wants inside you so bad he can't see straight!

    But, keep your pants on and see if he sticks around....

    I am a big fan of no sex until marriage, but that's just my opinion.

    your virginity is more valuable than you know and you won't know until you give it away.

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  • ?
    Lv 6
    10 years ago

    thats easy dont let him get past 1st base if he gets frustrated by u refuseing he will leave u to find someone else thats what i did but he didnt leave me and we have been married 40 years.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Do you believe love and sex are mutually exclusive? Has it occurred to you that many males may genuinely care about you but still expect to get in your pants?

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