!!!Is this publishing material?!!!?
Here's Part 2 of......well, just follow the link. It's complicated.
There's two more links on that page. One is the first chapter of my story, the other is the first half of the plotline. Make sure you read the second link before you read whats on the original page.
I haven't put the Dialogue up yet.
I mean, with how that 1st chapter was written, & if the rest of the plot was written like that, would it be accepted by a publisher? Would it be good enough?
When you're talking about the paragraphs, that's just the plot outline. It's not the whole story.
I'm going to fill chapters and chapters with that.
Also, i'm just trying to give you guys a picture with what I've got to work with, because the description of Infinite is spread out throughout the story.
Though, I could have described it better. Okay:
1) "Infinite is located in the sun, & is a cross between Pandora from Avatar & Middle Earth from Lord Of The Rings.
2) "Infinite is a hidden planet with blue-veined networks that crisscross in a x pattern to form a network all over it, across Infinite's lime-green walls. These walls are toxic, and one can touch them for a minute only, until death comes to follow."
I can't really explain anything in much detail because this IS the summary, and you'd understand everything better if you read the story instead.
I mean, not just that chapter, but if I continued with the story would it be publishing-good, or should I change something in the plot, or what???
So thanx :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
- Pecos BillLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
I didn't follow your link and I don't need to. Write the story. Finish the story completely. Begin rewriting your story. Once you are finished with the rewrite, rewrite it again and again until it's the best you can make it, then research your choice of publisher and submit it.
You don't need the opinions of strangers. You liked the story enough to put the effort into creating it, so keep at it.
- WillLv 71 decade ago
Let me give you some practical, hard won advice...
1. Your first 5 pages have to leap off the page. Please know, the vast majority of publishers do not look at "unagented" work anymore. You NEED an agent. Agents are very, very busy people who are constantly being queried by would-be writers. If you want an agent to represent you, you must impress him/her with an opening chapter that seethes excitement with every sentence. They won't give you more than a few minutes to "sell" them on your work. Unfortunately, both parts one and two of your opening chapter are flat. I guarantee that no agent will consider you with this offering. You need to WOW the reader. Literally, you must start out with a BANG!
2. Your character Thia faked her death because she's a member of the underground. That's fine. But you haven't yet established why the Infinite are so bad they've sparked a rebellion. Instead of opening in this breezy manner, you should open your story with a chase scene in which a member of the underground is hunted down and killed in front of everybody. Before you introduce Thia you need to establish why her antagonists are evil, otherwise you're wasting your time.
3. The basic concept of "Love among the rebels" is really overdone and unoriginal. You need a hook that makes your story different from the hundreds of stories just like it already published. What's your hook? Why is this different?
4. Your writing at present is unfortunately sub-par. You have a tendency to use too many words, and you write in the passive voice... "It was refreshing, relaxing; a break from the real world," (also, improper use of the semi-colon).
Your sentences must be crisp, punchy, evocative, and written in the active voice. You open with "Cold shivers ran through..." It's cliche and it's redundant. (Have you ever heard of "Hot Shivers?")
I'm not trying to dissuade you from writing this; I simply want you to know that you need to work on plot structure and narrative problems that are looming in your future. Good luck.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Change nothing, your work is brilliant. Good Luck.