Fat deposits under your skin might not be aesthetically pleasing but those are much healthier than fat deposits inside your body, smothering your organs, like the kind of fat the men get in their guts.
This is one advantage of being a woman…your fat deposits are just under your skin…hello, cellulite and stretch marks! Your body is not “rejecting this fat”; it just keeps it where it’s safer than inside.
It’s not weird that you’re just noticing something about yourself. The idea of one own body image is quite tricky. Some thin people see themselves as fat; beautiful people see themselves as ugly, young people see themselves as old and vice-versa, etc…
Just two days ago, somebody was telling me how cute my kids were (they’re adults now, 20 and above) because they look like me and have cute dimples. But then I said “I don’t have dimples”, but lo and behold, I was told I did, when I laugh or have a big smile. I actually had to go in front of a mirror and smile to notice my cute dimples! Usually when I see myself in a mirror, I’m brushing my teeth so it’s not like I’m smiling. There’s no pictures of me smiling either…you can see I did not have a very good marriage and mostly I was the one taking pictures.
I don’t feel like an old person, but I still have grey hair (I’m allergic to hair dye) and I automatically get the senior citizen discount at the movie theater, not that I’m complaining.
You might not feel like a fat person but you’re overweight. Try to go back down to a healthy weight, like 150lbs max (5’6 healthy weight is between 115lbs and 150lbs). Gaining 50lbs in 3 years is very sneaky. Each pound of fat reserves is 3,500 calories so 50lbs would be 175,000 calories. 3 years are 1,095 days, so you ate a daily average of 160 calories too many…which you could have lost doing about 20 minutes of exercising (aerobics burn about 8 calories per minute). If you had exercised for 20 minutes every day, you would not have gained those 50lbs.
A “small town with no sports to play” is no excuse for a sedentary life. You can still go outside in a small town and walk/jog or bike. Or stay home and do calisthenics, use free weights and use a stationary bike.
You’re right about one thing. Some big women still look great while others really do not agree with fat deposits. I have friends who are 50lbs heavier than me (I’m 125lbs) and are big and beautiful, with fat deposit everywhere and smooth skin. If I gain 10lbs, I just get a belly pouch and a fat butt so my spine gets out of alignment, so I also get back aches, while my arms look like skinny sticks and my waist (above my belly button) stays thin. It was fine when I was younger and just look like I was pregnant but now I’m too old for that.