What do you think of my story/narrative that I wrote?

“Hannah, you and Julia will be working together,” I heard Mr. David announce. I glanced over at my best friend, Eliana, and we exchanged sad face, we had wanted to work together. School had only started a few weeks ago, so Hannah and I hadn’t gotten a chance to know each other. I glimpsed at Hannah and gave her a shy smile as she smiled back. Mr. Davis then began explaining the assignment to his group of second graders, we were asked to write a creative story with our partners in a week’s time. This is going to be so boring, I thought to myself. Once Mr. Davis had finished explaining the project, Hannah and I got up in search of a place to work and settled on the ground. As we worked we giggled and chatted about the most random things. The next few days flew by as Hannah and I worked on our creative story. Once we had finally finished Mr. Davis had said that ours was the best and hung it up in the classroom. I felt really proud of myself and happy that I made a new friend, and I’m sure that Hannah felt the same way.

As years rolled by one by one, our friendship only strengthened and we became best friends. We spent every minute of every day together. We never parted, it was like we were glued together. We played together every single day at recess, we had sleepovers every weekend and even went to church together. When I cried, Hannah comforted me. I didn’t do the same for her because I had never seen her cry before. Hannah and I were truly best friends.

This didn’t last long, in middle school we started growing apart. She made new friends and so had I. We didn’t have any classes together and we rarely saw each other.

We never hung out and spoke only a few times. When we passed each other in the hallway, we didn’t smile at each other, we treated each other like just any of the other like just any other one of the five hundred kids at our school. All those years that we spent together had suddenly disappeared. We had lost our friendship. Looking backing on this, I regret losing our friendship. We were best friends and we should have gotten through those bumps instead of losing our friendship.

The summer before freshman year, which felt like forever since Hannah and I had stopped being friends, my family and I went on vacation to Boston to visit with family friends. We had gotten back from vacation in late July on a hot, humid Sunday evening. It was the kind of day that made your skin stick to the leather seats in the car. Once we had finally gotten back from the nine hour drive, I was ecstatic to be back home. As we were unpacking, the doorbell rang and my mom ran to go answer the door. My mom opened the door, I heard Chris Hicks, Hannah’s mom, voice floating through the house. I didn’t think to much of it because even though Hannah and I had stopped being friends Hannah’s mom and my mom had continued being friends. I just continued listening to my ipod as I unpacked.

After a while I grew tired of listening of listening to my ipod and heard my mom say “if you need anything just let me know.” Everyone knows that those eight simple words always mean that something is terribly wrong. Ignoring that thought, I just brushed it off. One of her grandparents must be sick or something, I muttered to myself. I kept on repeating this lie to myself and even starting believing it, until I heard her mom and my mom crying, then I knew that something we really wrong. Millions of thoughts starting running though my head. What could possibly be wrong? I heard my mom and Hannah’s mom say goodbye and saw Mrs. Hicks’s headlights pouring through my bedroom windows as she backed out of the driveway. I heard my mom marching up the stairs. She carefully knocked on the door and slowly walked in. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. She motioned me to sit down. “Hannah is very sick, she has cancer,” my mom stated. A million questions poured out, will she be okay? What’s going to happen? Will she be able to go to school? My mom explained everything, “She will be going in for chemotherapy next week. If everything goes well, she will be back to school in spring. The kind of cancer she has is bone cancer. The tumor is right below her right knee.” Memories of us best friends just a year ago flooded my head. My mom gave me a hug and left the room.

I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart. I sat down near the foot of my bed, buried my head in my hand and started sobbing until I had no more tears left in me. Why her? I thought. She doesn’t deserve this.

The day after, Hannah and her mom came to visit us. She brought her wig that she had just gotten made this morning, she was going to get chemotherapy in a week and it was going to make her hair start falling out in two weeks. I remember not being able to picture Hannah without her hair. Her hair was long and blond. I could not picture that in two weeks her beautiful hair would be gone. Hannah talked and laughed like nothing was wrong. She was so positive.

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1 Answer

  • 10 years ago
    Best Answer

    I felt your story was very good. It was very descriptive of the surroundings and emotions. But at the end it just ended.....did you ran out of space to write?

    Overall your story was very good. Very creative and realistic.

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