i'd say all that you're feeling and all that you're going through is pretty normal and i give you props for having the guts to admit it. don't listen to the others on here who will make u feel guilty, you already feel enough of that, what you need is support. going to the therapist is a great idea and you are a good person for taking the steps to do it. also, its a great thing that you've asked your job to modify your schedule and i bet that will help out a lot.
my baby girl is also five months old. she was an accident and i didn't think i was ready at all (sometimes i still don't). i'm also the same age as you. there are times when i HATE my fiance, when i want to pack up and leave him and then i get over it. i wouldn't say you "regret" having your baby, because its obvious you love him, its just that you are overwhelmed by this new life and thats completely understandable.
i think what you need is to find a happy medium between some time for yourself and some time to bond and spend mommy time with your son. also, it seems like you might be over-thinking things too much. your hormones and instincts are stronger than anything else and you have to just trust them and go with them. for me, new mommy-hood has led to some bizarre and irrational thoughts that most of the time i just push away but usually when i look closer, i realize they are fear-based.
i take it one day at a time, one feeding at a time, one nap at a time. you are not a bad mom and you WILL get through this. you need to realize that you and your husband are on the same mission... to give the best life to your son. if you ever need a friend, you can email me anytime you want. believe me, i can relate to what you're going through.
otherwise, definately make an appt with your therapist. If nothing else, it will allow you to talk to an adult or isn't there to judge and give you some much needed alone time. Also, i adopted bathtime wednesdays. Every wednesday night, i take a candle-lit bath ALL ALONE. I put the headphones on so i can't hear anything and i relax for at least an hour.
Good Luck to you! Don't beat yourself up too much! You're doing great!
· 10 years ago