New Moms Only - do you ever feel guilty because you regret having your baby?

I am 27 y/o and my baby boy is 5 months old. My live-in boyfriend and I were going through some very difficult times and were breaking up when I found out I was pregnant (not unprotected sex... just happened somehow despite protection). I even left the house and stayed at my best friend's house and kept my... show more I am 27 y/o and my baby boy is 5 months old. My live-in boyfriend and I were going through some very difficult times and were breaking up when I found out I was pregnant (not unprotected sex... just happened somehow despite protection). I even left the house and stayed at my best friend's house and kept my stuff in the trunk of my car for a week because I was determined never to go back because he was borderline emotionally abusive towards me. He moved out, I had zero contact for about 2 months, I then left to El Salvador to visit my father. Fast forward - I came back and was 4 1/2 months pregnant. He had alot of time to think about his act, I had a lot of time to think about myself and my unborn child, we met and decided we'd give it one last chance for our son's sake. He became a completely different person, we connected on a different level and things were absolutely wonderful. Fast forward some more, right before our son was born we got married with the idea that we'd provide security for our son (since both my husband or I come from broken families and suffered tremendously as a result). Our son is now 5 months old. I had to go back to work to make ends meet. I am sleep deprived, and tired, sick for the past 3 months. I get depressed some times and feel guilty about not bonding with him as much as I would like, I am jealous of my sister in law that cares for him, even at my husband for getting his attention when I am holding him. Then, when I am with my son, I sometimes feel so detached and overwhelmed. I recently asked my employer to modify my schedule so I 'd be able to get off at 3 p.m. so that I could spend more time with my son. Lately, I've been dying for some time to myself.... and I feel guilty for it. After I put my boy down to sleep at night (around 8 - 8:30) my husband wants to spend quality time... and I don't want to even be near him. He is concerned that I am no longer attracted to him, and honestly, right now, I'm not.

I regret having my son, and I feel overwhelmed and guilty. Will this go away with time? I always wanted to be a mom and now that I am, it's just so difficult (partly because having my son has made me realize how alone I really am and how little support I have since I have no family here and my so called friends don't even come over.) I plan to make an apppointment with my therapist (I have sufferent from depression in the past) as I feel I need to talk to someone about this, but feel like it can' t be my husband because I'll feel he'll judge me or see me as an unfit mother and wife.
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