Don't get me wrong, my story isn't as bad as people who have suffered abuse; however in my circumstances I think it's as bad as it could have been.
By the time I was 9 my parents had already divorced, I was lucky that I had a 50:50 child care arrangement, I idolised my Father and got lots of quality time with him, I was also pretty close to my step-mother. However things soon changed, my step-mother couldn't have children and it was her life's ambition to adopt.
As previously mentioned I was 9 , the two girls they adopted were 7 and 4, they were biologically half-sisters.
They both had different backgrounds the 4 year old was abandoned by the grandmother for being mixed-raced, she was also born with withdrawal symptoms , the 7 year old lived with her grandmother as her mother was a heroin addict, she lived there for a good 6 years and loved her very much, however she didn't get on well with her auntie (similar to her age due to the underage birth). They once got in a fight where she was thrown from a quarter the way up the stairs.
They both had difficult first years, but it would be something I would be compensating for the rest of my life. As soon as they came a strict regime was controlled by my step-mother, my Father wasn't ever allowed to take my side, even if I was in the right. All that 'quality time' was long gone too, as we couln't go anywhere without taking them. I no longer had a normal life, most boys do go and play sport with their dads alone, but not me, never. However the 50% time I wasn't there they always got 'quality time'. This was deeply upsetting.
My Father had a group of friends he met at scouts when he was 9, they would often go on holiday together or meet at the pub or bars. Two of his mates had sons,so it had been my aspiration to create the next generation of that friendship and have our own holidays!
One of the Sons had a Sister, she would constantly invite 7 year old (obviously she was older by then) and yet I was hardly ever invited round, that really frustrated me, I was always compassionate to other people, I constantly hold doors open for everyone at school, I photocopy lost notes for people, whatever favor I can do to help others. I could never understand why they chose her over me!
My '7 year old' sister grew taller than me, and was actually better at sport (except running) this was particularly hard as I was a boy and the expectation is that we must love sport etc.
My '7 year old' sister was always praised "She's brilliant at football", but the worst thing was when my Father asked her to lift things over me, as if rubbing it in my face that my upperbody strength wasn't perfect and no-one ever gave me the chance to improve it! I also hated being in the street and hearing "shes taller than you ha!" This ultimately left me with the lowest self-esteem possible!
I encouraged her sport however, I was keen to praise her myself, but I never got any back from my parents! The '7 year old' always tried to upstage me whenever she could, she had to be their favorite, and always tried to compete with me, It was amost as if she had an obsession of replacing me!
5 years on and I lost my step-sisters, my mother had split-up with my Step Father, I was very close, and a lot closer to my Step-Sisters than the adopted ones and we adored each other, I knew them when I was 6 years old! However I can't see them as they live miles away and only see my Mum's ex every fortnight.
Back to the adoption! My Father brought back gifts a few times, once he brought back 2 balloons on a night I was there, they got one each, but I go nothing. Another time he brought back 2 addidas tags, but nothing for me; this perhaps acted as confimation that he loved them more.
My Grandmother and I were very close, but she was also under lock&key, she was expected to show them favoritism, Whenever I had an argument with my sister I was forced upstairs, but fortunately I was told in private that I was her favorite, as I had seen her often as a small child!
In the early years I got on well with '7 year old' however when she was around 12, she started to bully '4 year old' , I once stuck up for her and that was it, she now treated me that way too, she was an aggressive girl, she would often make physical contact in an argument, but I managed to keep her off me. She started to say that '4 year old' and I were ganging up on her, except she would give violent contact to my little sister.
My step-mother took our side and My Father took hers. One week my Sister was so nasty to my step-mother that she provoked an argument.
I tried to consolodate our relationship by giving her my Nintendo Ds, but it never worked!
2 weeks later, which was about a year ago now, My Father left my Step-mum during our closest time since I was 9. I tried to keep loyalty to my step-mother, but this changed when I was mature and open-minded and agreed to meet my Dad' Girlfriend who is very loving.
My sisters have a deep down loyalty for each other and held a pact!
· 9 years ago