Looking for opinions from adopted children and birth mothers.?
Okay first of all I am 19 years old. I have a beautiful 15 month old daughter who is my everything. I have been married (happily) to her father since I was 17. We are and always have been happy together (no relationship is perfect we do fight and argue sometimes like normal people but it never gets out of control)
I am currently 39 weeks pregnant with a child that is not my husbands. Before jumping to conclusions..No, I was not unfaithful and never would be. I was raped July 17, 2009. Details on that are not important. It was horrible and I am moving on with my life. It took me a while to realize that I was pregnant and once I did I was in a pretty bad emotional state. I didnt know how I would tell my family or my husband, they all knew of the rape and were suportive of my feelings afterwards. I knew they would all imediately suggest an abortion, as would most people anywhere. But that is not who I am. I honestly dont care how a child comes about. Once it is conceived it is a baby. All babies are innocent, no matter what their parents are like. So I went to the doctor and got checked and did all the things I needed to do. I did not tell my family, or my husband, about the pregnancy until I was around 5 months. I was pretty sure it was to late for an abortion by then. I spoke with my husband first, he was angry at first. (Who can blame him? The whole situation has been very hard on him too) He told me I could keep the baby or keep him. Of course that upset me but I was prepared for a bad initial reaction. I told my mother next, she wants me to keep the baby for her own reasons (having given 2 children for adoption). After having a few days without the situation being brought up my husband came to me and told me he loved me very much. He said if i needed to I could keep the baby and we would raise it. He did also explain to me that it would also be very hard for him and he wasnt sure if he could ever love the child. My grandmother thinks I should place the baby for adoption. That it wouldnt be fair to my husband or daughter. That it would be hard on everyone including myself.
I agree with my grandmother. I dont think it would be fair to my husband. Or to my son (yes he is still my son no matter what decision I have made) I have already gone through with the adoptive process and picked a great couple to be parents to my son. The agency I am going through has been very supportive and helpful.
I have made my decision and will not change my mind yet I have recently started having doubts.
I am afraid my son will feel abandoned. I am affraid he will think I do not love him which is horribly wrong. ((How can you stop yourself from loving something you have grown inside of you for 9 months?..Something that you have felt move and grow?)) I want to assure him a good future. I know I cannot provide for him. He is a part of me no matter who his father is. I cannot give him a loving father I cannot force my husband to provide for a child that is not his. We cannot afford it either, we are barely getting along with the three of us and have no room or money to bring another baby into our lives. I only want the best for my son but dont want him to hate me.
Mature advice, or opinions from adopted children would really be appreciated!