Is it bad that after all this education, I still want to be a homemaker?
I've gotten a Bachelor's Degree and a Master's Degree. I worked hard, earned scholarships, and found a high paying job. Yet even after all this education, I deep down just want to stay home and raise a family and provide a happy home for my husband.
I know most people would say, just do it! But I have all this guilt. I feel like today's modern world makes me feel like it is unnatural for wanting to just stay home and be a homemaker. I feel people will tell me it is a foolish decision and someday I will be one of those poor displaced homemakers begging for spare change. My own Mother mocks stay at home moms herself (she is a high payed career women), yet when I think back to my own childhood...there were so many times I needed her and she wasn't there (how could she be, she was working overtime?) or so many times she made me feel like I was a burden to her when I was sick or had a boo boo (I know this wasn't intentionally done, but I did pick up on it).
Yet I continue to obsess over Home Living Magazines, making gourmet meals, laundry, and errands.When I am at work, I find myself day dreaming about what yummy meals I can make for my husband or making weekend cleaning lists.
Is there something wrong with me? Does anyone else feel this way?
- AvaLv 710 years agoBest Answer
There is nothing wrong with you! I understand the guilt you are talking about, almost as if homemakers arent respected, that people think they sit at home and paint their nails all day. And I am a homemaker, and I did go to college. The only reason I went to college was because I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I figured school was a good default. Sometimes I wish I had a "real" job so I could respect myself more. I think that even as a mother who takes good care of her child and plans to homeschool them, I still will always beat myself up for not working outside of the home. I guess society's just taught me to believe that it's not okay to be a homemaker anymore. But really, I think that's what we women are meant to be, at least, if we have families, and it's what we want. I would never try to tell a woman to stay home if she wasnt happy doing it, but I think that naturally, we are built to like being homemakers. (its just in the past expectations were too high and women rebelled against them so we have the beliefs we have today.) We are nurturers, we pay attention to detail, and really.. our kids need US not some daycare. I could not be happy working a full time job and only seeing my child on nights and weekends. College is meant to be a gateway to opportunity, to in the end, create your happiness. If you feel that you would be happy staying home, there shouldnt be any shame in that. so what if you spent a lot on the college, you had a good experience there didnt you? You learned a lot. you grew up and learned responsibility. you have proven yourself to be a capable young woman, and if somewhere down the road, you wanted to pick up a job again, you will always have the college to qualify for it.
In the end, we dont have a lot of money. We don't really have financial freedom.. but I am free to be a wife and mother, and in the end I think that's more important than money. my husband is in the military so we are still pretty well taken care of. No woman wants to depend on a man only to have him leave her stranded. That's why you have to pick your man carefully. not all of them have the same ideas about marriage or commitment. I found a guy that I truly can depend on, and he is happy to have me at home, if it's what makes me happy. My mom also grew up in that feminist era and one of her mantras was "never make it so you have to depend on a man." but she married an alcoholic. I didn't. so those are my thoughts, if you can make any sense out of them. I wish you the best.
- friendlyadviceLv 710 years ago
There's nothing wrong with you. You may be feeling this way because you long to create the home environment that your own mother never did. You want to create that nurturing nest that you didn't feel you had when you were a child.
Instead of just leaving a your high paying job, why don't you play the homemaker the hours and the days you are at home? Make gourmet meals at night and decorate on the weekends. Actually do some of that stuff you've been daydreaming about and find out if the reality matches up to your fantasy. You may find that a lot of it is boring or harder work than you thought.
If you do want to leave the work force, don't forget to discuss it with your husband. He may have had a different view of your married life. In any case, don't give up your income until you have children. You'll want to build up your bank account so you'll have the money to comfortably be a mom and homemaker. Don't forget that the ingredients for those gourmet meals and the decor in the home magazines all cost money; money you won't have if you don't work.
- 10 years ago
I'm a doctoral student at the moment and I want a successful career. At the same time, I make a point of preparing great meals for my husband, I bake several times a week (I even have a muffin rotation!), and our home is covered with plants (african violets, orchids, and cooking herbs in the kitchen) and homemade items like crocheted afghans, throw pillows and we sleep under a quilt I hand-stitched.
I want a high wage, tenure and a few more publications. I want my first monograph to revolutionize my field. But, I also want children and I want them to know that I will be there for them. My husband and I have discussed this several times and I've decided to take several years off work and then lecture only part time until I'm comfortable and the children are in school. I know I will try to do some research and writing during this time as well.
My situation is a bit different from yours in that my job is immensely flexible. Is it possible for you to work part time? I've seen my sisters balance the homemaker-career woman lives and I know it's thoroughly possible. Difficult, but possible.
Best of luck.
- bandaid_46Lv 710 years ago
How does your husband feel about it? Or are you dreaming about some time in the future? You refer to "your husband", but you did not actually say you are married, so I am not sure. Whatever you decide, he should be on board with it, and if you both agree that this is the thing to do, then I do not see why you shouldn't do it.
You need to keep in mind that life can take some unexpected turns, and it is possible that somewhere down the road you will need to work at a paying job again, and how you are going to keep yourself marketable, god forbid that should happen.
P.S. I never had a choice. I always had to work. I had to retire a few years ago due to poor health. I never looked back, and did not miss it at all.
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- JoyceLv 44 years ago
That depends on who paid. If it was a parent, relative, significant other, etc. -- that was the person's choice to pay for the women's education. If their educations were paid by federally-financed student loans, I would be annoyed only if they have deferred their loans. If their loans are paid eventually, I wouldn't have a problem ;) I know I could never be a "homemaker", but if those women raise children who will contribute to society, there's nothing wrong with that!
- Anonymous10 years ago
Make sure you have a husband that earns a good living and has the same strong family values you have. I admire you for wanting to be home and available to your family. Don't totally disappear from the job market though because anything can happen and you will need a safety net just in case of illness, divorce or death. Not trying to bum you out but it is good to be prepared and your education is a plus.
- Anonymous10 years ago
If you both want to give it a try, it is worth testing the waters. You are at an advantage to have your education and by the time your child is old enough for school, like me I wanted to go back to my career because I missed being around adults and still did home crafts on my time. As a hairdresser I still practiced out of home, but people tend to try to get free services and I started resenting it so going back into a salon helped me keep my boundaries in a professional manner.
- Barb OuthereLv 710 years ago
I agree with Serenity. Your "image" of a home maker may (will) fall far short of your dream like image of being one, should you get the chance. Unless you marry serious wealth, those magazine images will be impossible to achieve.
I was a S.A.H.M. for many years, sure I loved being home with the kids, but there were times when doing ALL the household chores solo seemed overwhelming, and the lack of social opportunities - due to having no car, small kids at home and not much money, was sometimes a sad reality. Arranging the whole of your life around the needs and wants of others is hard, and harder still when it seems to go unappreciated.
Be aware that there may be feelings of lacking a challenge, and of lack of personal achievements happening.
Hubby may be less than interested when the only conversations you seem to have revolve solely around the house and kids - the same every day. You may come to envy his "did this, saw them" conversations.
Better make sure you have married a man who appreciates your contribution to making HIS life so smooth and pleasant.
- sannyLv 410 years ago
Good on you. Most mothers are out working because they need to and I'm sure there's a large percentage of them who would rather be at home caring for their family. They would love to be in a position like you. My daughter works and she misses out on so much of her kids school activities. They come to me for a while after school and I know they are happier when she is home after being on a different shift. Go for it and enjoy the time with your family, they will be grown up and flown before you know it and then you can put your qualifications to use if you so wish.
- Jackie MLv 710 years ago
If you can afford to be a stay at home mum then do it, it is up to you not anyone else to tell you what you can and cannot do, I was a stay at home mum of the 70's and now that my daughter is grown, married and has her own kids and a stay at home mum I can do what I want with my life and I have qualifications and a great paying job. Good Luck