Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 10 years ago

Please read and or critique a poem I wrote. Please :)?

I'm just a high school kid so I'm sure it's far from perfect. I'll take any constructive criticism I can get. Thanks for your time and here it is:

Stop Time

Stop time in Kindergarten

We got to pick our nose and bake plastic food

I want to live there forever

Then again maybe I want to be a little older

Stop time and visit third grade

Never a better year

The millennium turned and things were on a roll

We still live in la-la land, naïve

Please, let me stay here

Stop time at sixth grade

A new world awaits me that’s so fun to explore

I’m making new friends, meeting new people

And developing a new way of thinking

Keep me here, where I’m still safe from reality

Stop time here, in eigth grade

Surly I’ve learned all I need to know

I’m happy and life’s secure

Kick the brakes, before the fall

Of time in my hands

Go back, Rewind I need to get out of this high school

I refuse to stay up until two to work on projects

I won’t make the top 10 percent, even if I try

Get me the hell out of here

A torture chamber from my nightmares

The whispered dreams from T.V. shows and movies are true

Cliques group together, competition far beyond average

And somehow the normal girl, gets lost in the crowd…

2 Answers

  • JH
    Lv 7
    10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    it's very good.

    i certainly enjoyed reading it.

    but i'm not a poetry person.

    so i won't critique it ^_~

  • 10 years ago

    I like what you wrote about, there's nothing wrong with that. The flow doesn't feel like a poetry kind of flow. You should try to put a few commas at the end of some of your lines. That would help with the flow a bit. The stanzas don't really go together. I'm guessing you didn't mean for the last two stanzas to be put together (if not, I advise against it), so it is four lines, five, five, five, four, four. I would match them to all quatrains( four lines) or all five lines (cinquains). I hope that helps a little.

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