Please read and or critique a poem I wrote. Please :)?
I'm just a high school kid so I'm sure it's far from perfect. I'll take any constructive criticism I can get. Thanks for your time and here it is:
Stop time in Kindergarten
We got to pick our nose and bake plastic food
I want to live there forever
Then again maybe I want to be a little older
Stop time and visit third grade
Never a better year
The millennium turned and things were on a roll
We still live in la-la land, naïve
Please, let me stay here
Stop time at sixth grade
A new world awaits me that’s so fun to explore
I’m making new friends, meeting new people
And developing a new way of thinking
Keep me here, where I’m still safe from reality
Stop time here, in eigth grade
Surly I’ve learned all I need to know
I’m happy and life’s secure
Kick the brakes, before the fall
Of time in my hands
Go back, Rewind I need to get out of this high school
I refuse to stay up until two to work on projects
I won’t make the top 10 percent, even if I try
Get me the hell out of here
A torture chamber from my nightmares
The whispered dreams from T.V. shows and movies are true
Cliques group together, competition far beyond average
And somehow the normal girl, gets lost in the crowd…
- JHLv 710 years agoFavorite Answer
it's very good.
i certainly enjoyed reading it.
but i'm not a poetry person.
so i won't critique it ^_~
- 10 years ago
I like what you wrote about, there's nothing wrong with that. The flow doesn't feel like a poetry kind of flow. You should try to put a few commas at the end of some of your lines. That would help with the flow a bit. The stanzas don't really go together. I'm guessing you didn't mean for the last two stanzas to be put together (if not, I advise against it), so it is four lines, five, five, five, four, four. I would match them to all quatrains( four lines) or all five lines (cinquains). I hope that helps a little.