My family has ruined my life... what to do? (not an emo kid teenager rant)?
I feel weird as hell asking yahoo answers to help me with my problems again but it helped last time so whatever.
So my life is way to complicated to explain but in short, my parents are divorced when I was 6, I wasn't bothered too much by it and remained an A plus student, talented athletically, and generally happy...
Fast forward to now and I'm 17 my mothers a lazy alcoholic who lost ALL our families savings to an idiot she became engaged to who she did nothing but fight with her and us and call my brother and I pathetic. Her job is her being a part time lunch lady and I've made more money than her at times. She's has a masters and almost went to the olympics as a hunter jumper (horses) but she won't get off her *** and take an offer to train kids which she gets once in a while.
Throughout my life she's made fun of my me to make herself seem like a better person, and whenever she's in public she has a compulsive habit to talk to everyone about our problems and then looks to me like shes waiting for me to say something, then when I tell her to stop she pounces on it and slurs a drunken insult or something at me to start a fight so she can "look like a good parent" in front of whoever she targeted. One more example (trust me there's hundreds) is when she got drunk and left me and my friends in another town on new years eve in the winter and we had to call another dad and get him to drive 4 hours out to get us. A few days later when I brought this up with her I broke her mirror with my fist and she drunkenly called the 5-0. They knew what was up but since she proclaimed "I hit her" she took me to court. Nothing happened but she lied to herself saying that I was out of control and almost got me anger management. Now she tells everyone she meets that I'm terrible and on probation including all my teachers and friends parents. They all hate me now....
Ohh and she got my grandma to disown me saying I'm on drugs.
She just is in a state of constant anger and rage because she sleeps all day long and does nothing. She lost most of her friends and interrogates anyone I bring home and asks them about their family (negatively) then talks badly of all of them behind their backs. She tells all my friends parents lies about them being druggies and stuff to.
She's hit me my brother and my girlfriend.... Everyone who tells her shes wrong she denounces and instantly hates....
she smokes inside all day... scares off my friends
shes proud of her drunken insanity too... SHE HAS 0 remorse for her BS.
Drives me around drunk and has almost killed me a few times
and I'm failing junior year in school because its starting to rub off on me... The other day I yelled at my gf and felt like **** about it because its something my mom would do.... Im losing my self control....
It used to be ok because I raised myself and the kids who were with me were older and I was tough and could laugh off **** that I heard had made other kids commit suicide... but now its all starting to take over
If she wasnt the owner of the house I'd have no ties with her...
Theres no food in my house ever.... Im hungry right now but theres nothing....
I've raised myself....
You know what.... **** it... theres just too much to ever write down about this *****
but as a lesson I want any emo kid who reads this to grow the **** up and stop pretending to have problems.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I'm 32 and my mom is a lot like this.
Much like the last poster replied, these types of people look to bring others down to their level...
I left as soon as I could... However, I carried an enormous amount of guilt around for a long time because I left my little sisters behind. I used to leave college (an hour away) to bring food to the house because Mom wouldn't get off the computer long enough to purchase any. I used to get calls about drunken rages, cocaine habits, marijuana... You name it. She was never really well, but things escalated and she became severely depressed. Delusional, even.
My recommendation is to get out. And, if you have to - use the "emancipation"
It wasn't until I got out that I really began to see how sick she was, and exactly how much she had influenced me and my own behavior. I never had a healthy model and was never afforded an opportunity to understand what maternal love meant.
You will deal with all of this stuff, in time. It is difficult to understand how anyone can treat others this way... And, believe me - I spent a lot of time wondering. But, the trick is to separate yourself from the situation so that you CAN begin healing. Otherwise there is no light and things are so dim you don't see a way out.
You'd have to pay it back, but I used financial aid for college. They paid for my room and board, food, and had money left over afterward to float me through the semester for gas and whatever else I needed to get me back and forth to work. I even got an apartment with a friend eventually and was able to pay the bills with the money from work... Don't ever take more than you really need, because you'll have to pay it back.... But, if that is what it takes - do it.
Desperate times call for these measures and it is just a suggestion. It will help you find a career, and not just a job, and pay for it during the process. It is worth it to finally gain some autonomy.
Try not to just jump into a low paying job and think you'll make it that way. The reason I say this is because it is SO hard to live paycheck to paycheck. It can be done but, if you truly want your independence - I strongly suggest some sort of schooling (trade school, 2 year, 4 year... whatever) to help get you along.
Incidentally - my husband is exactly the same way. He left when he was 18 and never looked back. He was also a self-made man and didn't have the opportunity to consider college. However, he learned a skill and has made a career out of it.
The most important thing I'd like to stress here is that once gone, you will have no safety net. So, you must be determined to make it work... Have the drive and the work ethic to make it work. Otherwise you are in a never-ending cycle.
I pray blessings on you. I truly do hope that you find your way. Just use your head and have some faith. Things will be alright. People do it all the time... And, you can too.
Take care.Source(s): Experience.
- tweenkyBooLv 51 decade ago
this sounds a lot like my mother. You have to understand, these people have mental disorder, which I think is incurable. I am 34 years old now, and only recently started to relatively recover from all the crap, mostly by finally cutting off ALL contact with her. Right now, you are in a tough situation because you are forced to live under her roof. You should collect all the strength you still have left (even if it only the tiny bits) and try to get into a college and get a college degree. That must be your priority. People like her never change, unfortunately. They only become worse with time. Cutting off all contact with her is your only option if you want to have a stress-free life. You need to find the ways to get into a college and find a job, so you can rent a place where you can be away from her. Also, try to learn more about psychopaths, it will open your eyes on many things. Do not give your money to her. Valerian root supplement works well to calm nerves, can be bought at almost any vitamin section. There is a support group called "I hate my mother" on CafeMom site. It helped me A LOT. http://www.cafemom.com/group/22770/ Many people in there go through exactly the same thing you do. So you are not alone, that's for sure. Stay strong for now, because better days are going to come soon, you will see.
- 1 decade ago
First off, I think your mother needs serious help and so do you. Your right, theses issues can wear down on you eventually. However with time, you can learn to heal these emotions and put them in the past. My suggestion is to try to seek help, perhaps it is about time you stop taking the responsibility your mother has disobeyed as a parent when she brought you and your siblings into the world. Is there someone you can go to at highschool that you know and trust? like a guidance counselor? You are still young, and can turn these issues around. Get a tutor for help with homework, and understand that your mother has issues that she needs to cope with. You cannot help her unless she wants to help herself. Remeber it is not your fault.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Well sweetheart, i'd say get yourself out of there as soon as you can.
You sounds like a smart dude who can take care of himself just fine, your almost 18 but have you concidered emancipation? Where you legaly become an adult before the age of 18?
Your mother sounds like a very depressed woman, not that it in any way justifies the way she treats you and your brother.
I think you should go get a job and get out because poeple like that are just looking to suck someone down with them into their depression.
im a 17 year old girl from divorcee parents so i can kinda relate, if you wanna talk more you can e-mail me. sometimes its just nice to get things off your chest...
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- 1 decade ago
You might strongly consider emancipation. Maybe call AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) for your mom. Maybe try not to spend too much time at home. Ask you friends if you can stay there for a while. You can also call CPS (Child protective services) for help too. Good luck.
- Depp fanLv 61 decade ago
I understand, I really do. We cannot pick our parents. If I were you, I would try my best to keep my grades up and after you graduate, leave home asap. You can do it. Don't let her stop you. Next time she drives drunk, turn her in. Maybe you can go live with someone who is normal.