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Adoptees and suicide?

I heard today that Marie Osmond's son Michael, who was adopted, committed suicide. I'm sure a lot of people would say that it had nothing to do with the fact that he was adopted -- or not consider that aspect of the tragedy at all -- but this scares me. From some of the reading I've done here, I know that adoptees are more likely to kill themselves or commit patricide. How can I, an adoptive parent, try to ensure that my son doesn't have suicidal thoughts or tendencies? We talk openly about his adoption and nothing has ever been kept from him (information is shared in an age-appropriate way, of course -- he is only 9). He knows that he has my support in searching for his natural parents if he so chooses. What else can I do besides hope? I honestly want some answers if you have them. I'd hate to lose my son and I'd hate for him to be so depressed that he thinks killing himself is better than being alive.

Thanks.

17 Answers

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  • Sunny
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    From another poster here:

    "As for Osmond's child, I can't for the life of me understand why the natural children are spoken of differently than the adopted children, if in fact adoption really was everything that we're told to believe. Which is that an adoptive child is treated just like the rest of the family"

    This. This is the essence of why this happens. We're not the same. Treating us the "same" is PRETENDING, folks. We have different parents. We are not related to you. We lost our families. We have experienced a great loss.

    To blame the Mormon church (which I can't stand) OR "clinical" depression (this is a symptom based disorder that is slapped on anything people can't figure out or something a 'professional' throws SSRIs at) is ignorant, and once again whitewashes the issue. You cannot expect a HUMAN to cram all this lying, pretending, grief, and complete lack of knowledge of our families of origin down and for it not to come out elsewhere, in less healthy ways. I knew right when I heard this story that the kid was one of her adopted ones. Did you know that the guy who flew the plane into the IRS building in Texas last week was adopted too?

    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/20/us/20crash.html

    Now to you, sweet Aloha. Keep telling your kid his truth. Keep him busy. I think lots of activity during the middle and high school years will keep him involved with a hopefully healthier crowd, burn off energy, and help him gain confidence and self esteem. He may never need a therapist, but you might want to do some research for a good one NOW, so you're not scrambling to find one who is well versed in adoption issues should you need one later. We really need therapists who ACKNOWLEDGE our specific issues.

    Source(s): Another one bites the dust...
  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    You know, I don't think you have any worries about him committing suicide if what you say is true and you have been completely up front about his adoption.

    The difference with the case you heard is that this young man was in the limelight. Nobody knows the fact of why he did this. From your own situation, I feel strongly that he has the love and support of his mum and he knows this, so why would he want to do away with his life?

    You sound as though you are doing the right thing. So keep doing the right thing.

    It is when a parent is not being open that they encounter problems.

  • 1 decade ago

    There is a perception of rejection that most adopted children have, that you will never understand. The fact that he "knows" you'll support him in a search for his first family, says alot. His adoption was more than likely an "open adoption" and yet it doesn't sound like their is any connection with his first family. It's not rocket science. If his other family had been blended in at birth, as were all his adoptive relatives, that wouldn't be an issue.

    As for Osmond's child, I can't for the life of me understand why the natural children are spoken of differently than the adopted children, if in fact adoption really was everything that we're told to believe. Which is that an adoptive child is treated just like the rest of the family. As with the Cruise and Kidman family. But worst of all she belongs to a cult that steals babies from single women in the church. That's what they do. They will also, if it's like the other funerals I've been to in the church when a member commits suicide they will speak very kindly of him, when he was "on the right path." They will then publicly announce that he will now spend all eternity in hell. It's what they do. Being such a public figure, I'm sure the church will pay off or remove anyone who speaks these truths about them. As one bishop said to me when I went to him about an "alleged" case of child molestation in the ward, I was warned that "We take care of our own" Then it was made clear that there would be severe consequences for calling the police. If you think that the girl, whose name has escaped me, is OK, then just wait and watch. The church is covering up everything about that family because they don't want bad publicity.

    They abhor gays, although I know there are just as many gays in that church as there are anywhere. But the public doesn't know that they keep that under their hat. Many of these closet gays committ suicide. They guilt trip put on them is overwhelming.

    That whole situation was a "lose, lose" thing to begin with.

    We should care for any human who has depression. I wish you well in your journey in helping this child. Don't underestimate the adoption factor. He will never tell you everything. If you know his family, perhaps you could work together for his good. They will provide insight you will never be able to understand. And vice versa. This should be a team effort.

    Source(s): life
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sadly, I have no way to answer this.

    Going through similar myself, I can't even say just be the best family you can be to your son because I think it's having been adopted into such a fantastic family that's made it so hard for me to accept that I got abandoned in the first place - so sort of a double-whammy.

    I suspect, knowing as you do that there are things that you need to look out for in adopted kids which doesn't usually crop up in non-adopted kids, that your son's gonna have a bigger head start in being helped to avoid feeling like that in the first place ... or at least I damn well hope he is, 'cause if there's no hope for those who're adopted to parents who have a clue about what adoptees face, then it doesn't look good for those who're adopted in the future. :(

    Best suggestion I can think of is making sure he always has access to a counsellor of some kind that understands many of the issues that adoptees face.

    Seriously, I deeply hope that your son (and you, obviously) have a long and happy life together. :)

  • 1 decade ago

    Just keep doing what you have been and be honest with him, alot of times they get more hurt over the secrets that were kept from them.I think he will be fine. You have started being honest with him at a young age so he does not have to be traumatized some day.I think that is the best for both of you

  • 1 decade ago

    I understand that your a little upset. Most kids that are adopted are not suicidal. I was adopted too and know that we can get depressed about not knowing our really families. you are doing ever thing you can. If someone wants to kill them-self and they are not just seeking attention then there's really nothing you can do but look for signs of really deep depression and get them help. I wish i had someone that support me like you do for your son he is really lucky, and that is the best thing you can do is just be supportive of everything he does.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think it played a part in it. I lost my only child to adoption and have many times thought about ending it, So I say it played a part in it.

  • 1 decade ago

    don't worry im an adoptee and have never had any thoughts on suicide whatsoever. i love my adopted parents and sure theres been times when i've wanted to meet my birthmother, but i hav never doubted once tht my adopted parents and birthmother love me. it sounds like your son is in the same situation i am in. don't worry he will be fine :)

    Source(s): my experience :)
  • Linny
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I agree with Cleo. You are open, and you are aware. Im not going to post all of the links I have to prove that adoptees ARE at a higher risk for depression and suicide, because you have seen a lot of them, and the "Yahoos" responding tonight will say they are biased, so it's not worth it. How sad that people choose to look at facts and turn away because it "wont happen to THEIR child".

    How many more adoptees committing suicide will it take...how many studies that prove the link, the rates, etc...before people wake up and smell the coffee??? I cannot understand people being so irresponsible....but I digress....

    Thank God YOU are aware. All you can do is continue to be open and honest and allow him to communicate. If he exhibits signs, you will know...and I have no doubt you will get help for him.

    While I degree that CLINICAL depression is a chemical imbalance, and a disease that takes many tries with many different meds, adoption also causes depression. NOT in a chemical imbalance way, but as a situational/experience/post traumatic stress depression. Drugs may help, but talking to a therapist who recognizes an adoptee's pain and helps them to deal with it is necessary. You can medicate it all you want....but until the original trauma and subsequent pain is dealt with by the adoptee, drugs will just be a temporary band-aid.

    eta: Imagine a stranger being placed with an Osmond. A freakin' chicklet-toothed, creepy doll making,toe-tappin, singing Mormon for cripes sake. Plus, she had bio kids, too. No wonder the kid wrote that he never fit in. What a disaster.

    Source(s): being adopted
  • 1 decade ago

    Odd huh......she's been locked up a couple of times herself "for protection" and one of her Adopted kids commits suicide.

    She is delusional and a liar. I can't imagine what I live with being exposed to the media because amommy wants to stay famous.

    http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0003/16/lkl...

    She say's she will give them the info.....where have we heard that before. She doesn't even want to know the names of the natural parents or their circumstance and her adopted "infants" all 4 or 5 of them chose her. Uh huh.

    Source(s): Love how Larry asks what everyone not looking for babies is thinking. Why not foster care or an older child Marie....why all perfectly healthy infants from adoption agencies.
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