Wife moved out and I need advice on getting her back?
Ok here goes. About 3 weeks ago my wife decided she had enough of my mean attitude. She has two girls from her first marriage that I love to death. 7 and 10 years old. I have been with her 6 years in June. I love her with all of my heart and from the second I met her I knew she was the one. We got along awesome, I have never been so happy and felt so great about someone ever before. A few years past and things started getting rough between us. We had bought a flip house and I worked on that thing from 8 am until 2 am every day pretty much for months. She started coming to me saying she was lonely and sad and missed me. I was trying to be understanding but at the same time I had to get this house done so we could sell it. In time she started making mean remarks and I being who I am got defensive. Started asking why she wasnt over there helping and why she couldnt understand. Its not like I enjoyed the work. (well I did but it still was work) anyway soon that wraped up and I being a concrete contractor started in the spring doing a big project for the city, and started racing. guess what happend then. All my time was taken up. long frustrating hours on a miserable contract, I was worn out, the only release I felt I had was racing. That started taking up alot of time and I started to almost believe my wife was trying to stop me from my fun and "relax" time. winter came and I had got involved in some investments that took up all my time and working on the race car took up what was left. I and her were not on the same page at this point. I would almost not come home because I didnt feel like getting bitched at. after all I had 2 morgages to pay (the flip house had not sold) Ok to make a long story short I was not around to be the husband I should have been. I got so caught up in the things that made me feel happy I didnt know to and didnt see the real happiness providers. One morning 3 weeks ago we had an fight about her girls not listening and respecting me. She took both and left. Next thing I know she is moving into the flip house and I am completely floored. It was then I saw for the first time how rude I had been for so long. Everything that had been important to me was wrong. everything that was important to her was right. I was and still am sick. I couldnt stop her I tried, I begged I did everything. Nothing worked she had had enough and since I was gone for so long so much it wasnt to hard for her to go.. Everyone said give her space she will miss you and come back. I didnt think so I hadnt been there and when I was I was mean. I became the husband of the year which I see now just pissed her off more and further away she went. I tried to do everything I could to help her feel safe over at her new house. I started going to counciling. I see my faults and also see my family and they are not when I am and it sucks. I called alot, text alot, emailed alot. wrote some beautiful heart felt letters telling her how I missed her and how I was to blame for everything. It didnt work. She told me sunday night she needed time to think and i was smothering her and had been. I took it hard and started crying really cryting. I turned into a *****. she got alittle sad and than yelled at me for crying. hung up the phone and that was it. I want to her house to do two things give her a last hug and tell her I loved her. She didnt answer the door. I knocked and knocked but nothing. I then remembered the front window could be poped open easy so I popped it open and went in. I called out for her and then went upstairs. She was locked in the bathroom terrified I was going to do something to her. She was on the phone with police and screaming to me to leave. I was in shock. I had never touched this woman in my life ever. How would it be possible that she is so scared of me?? is that normal. Anyway the police came I let them in and she calmed down I left (never did get to hug her) I was served a temp restraining order the next day. Oh yah the next day she traded in her Explorer and bought a brand new car!! I cant even talk to her about it and what the hell is she thinking.. I can understand wanting to be A INDEPENDANT WOMAN but think here. Any way I love this woman with all that I am I screwed up and need to win her back I cant function with out her love. She is my sole mate and I lost sight of it but know I can see She is all I live for any advice
- Debra RLv 610 years agoFavorite Answer
This was is why you are all alone. Read what you said: I was not around to be the husband I should have been. I got so caught up in the things that made me feel happy I didn't know to and didn't see the real happiness providers. One morning 3 weeks ago we had an fight about her girls not listening and respecting me. She took both and left. Next thing I know she is moving into the flip house and I am completely floored. It was then I saw for the first time how rude I had been for so long. Everything that had been important to me was wrong. Everything that was important to her was right). Everything that is really important to her is her daughters now and in the beginning. If she has gotten another place to live I think you have really screwed up. They say you never miss your water til the well runs dry. Whether she comes back or calls or what ever. Dry your eyes and act like a man here. Everybody knows youo messed up and the only way you can show her that you are learning from your mistake is to take care of yourself and your h ouse. Stop calling boo whooing and showing up on her door step. She wanted out and she got out. So what ever the problem you can't blame her. If you are unhappy you have to do what it takes to correct it. She wasn't happy and neither was her girls. They are her responsibility and they need to live in a loving and protected enviroment. Since you didn't provide that and was doing your thing. She did hers and now you have reaped what you sowed. Next time you'll know what not to do. You may get her back, but don't go get her back. If you want to be insured you'll have a chance to get her. Stay away from other woman and let her come to you. If she is really what you want be on your best behavior.
- KarenLv 44 years ago
You have a life... it just sucks. These are all things that you accepted when you chose to marry a woman with children. If he is immature, then he probably doesnt need to move out, that could end up costing you more money in the end (when he doesnt pay rent, car payment, needs food, etc.) I suggest talking to your wife about the finances and the son in question. Call a family meeting where you make it clear to everyone that a family is a team and everyone has to pull their weight or leave (obviously you arent meanng that the 10 year old needs to think about moving out, but I mean chores and stuff). The older the child, the more weight that needs to be pulled, no exeptions, no excuses. The 19 year old needs to realize that $300 is nothing compared to living on your own and that its a good alternative for the both of you bc he comes out cheaper and you get a little extra income. If he chooses not to accept the offer made by you and your wife, then he has to move out, after all, he is a legal adult and you arent responsible for hm anymore. The biggest problem I think you will have is making sure your wife is 100% on board, afterall, a husband and wife must be a united front!! Good luck!
- pictureshygirlLv 710 years ago
When a woman decides she has had enough, it usually does not happen over night. It took a long time for her to get to that point of giving up hope. You crushed her heart and she tried in every way (what you men call nagging) to get you to understand and validate her pain. Unfortunately, it took her leaving to finally get your attention. She lost hope,but this does not mean it is too late. What you must do is to let her know that you love her but respect her decision to move on. This is the only way you will regain respect from her. You might say something like this, "honey I can see how much you needed me and of how much Iet you down. I am willing to do what it takes to make amends. I respect and understand how you feel, this is why I will honor your request to leave you alone and if anything comes out of this I hope you find the happiness you are seeking". After saying this (it is usually better to write it so she can re-read it over and over) your actions must back up your words. This means you completely leave her alone, no contact whatsoever. If you need to talk due to business matters, keep it short and to the point. It is crucial you not make excusing to call or see her. What usually happens after this, is that she begins to regain respect for you. Once having her freedom, she begins to wonder if she even wants it. She then will wonder about how you are getting along. Then fear will kick in, fear that maybe she pushed you away. She needs to face the reality of losing you in order to have incentive to want you back. You have already done all you can to try and get her back, crying, begging, and it all did not work. In fact it drove her further away.Dont you see, you are showing her that she finally got your attention, and if her being gone gets your attention then it is working for her to stay gone. Remember, people do what works. Be patient and it will pay off in the long run. Good luck to you
- Anonymous10 years ago
Her mind is on getting you out of her head....because she's hurt.....and your mind is on getting her back into the house you two lived in together. Check this out, David. If she wanted you out of her life completely, she would have NEVER moved in the other house you two own. She would have moved to another city, state, country....anywhere away from you. She's overwhelmed with your aggressiveness because she's not used to that type of behavior from you.....which is why you need to calm it down. You've taken the time to work on everything except your wife....so take your time and do things the right way and not be so demanding and forceful. She's worth the time, don't you think? And on a more serious note....you need to pray. So many people out here are trying to do things on their own.....trying to fulfill lives that were never meant for them. Then they start feeling depressed and frustrated about their current situations. All the counseling and coaxing aren't going to help you without taking the time to talk with God and ask Him for the right direction. It can't hurt. Everything else you touch is going sour.
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- buffybot67Lv 510 years ago
Unfortunately it maybe too little too late for this relationship. The best thing you can do is continue with the counselling and work on getting yourself better. This may show your wife that you are serious about changing and being a better person. You need to work on getting your emotions in check and appropriate behaviour. Work on yourself and give her time, if its meant to be she will find her way back to you but pushing her now will probably drive her away for good.
- 10 years ago
sometimes a little too late maybe you will give the next women more attn. lesson learned
- 10 years ago
how does a guy as busy as you write all this bullshlt? i don't believe a word of it.
- 10 years ago
PAR TAY DUDE