Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureReligion & Spirituality · 1 decade ago

Should we confront a very popular deacon at my very large church?

There is a man at my church who has been asking to court me for nearly a year now, but this man makes my skin crawl. He is a VERY popular deacon at my very large church. But I want nothing to do with him. Last week I heard from two of my friends, that he's been saying some really awful things, about me and my family that aren't true.

1: He told some of the businesses in town that no one in my family works, which is not true. All 2 of my cousins moved on to the ranch about 2 months ago.

2: That good for nothing deacon called my brother "a lazy bum who, sponges off of his sister and his wife". My brother is a master carpenter, and he travels around the US building custom cabinets. Not only that my brother also has a bachelors degree in carpentry/carpenter from Idaho State. My sister in law runs my ranch, and she teaches agriculture at the local high school. She has a bachelors degree from the University of Wyoming in argiculture, ranch/farm management. I should also mention that my brother and his wife have 3 children from 18 down to 7. They all attend the local public schools.

3: Cousin # 1: That stupid deacon used a racial, and religious slur, when he talked about my cousin and his wife. One of my male cousins converted to judaism, before he married his wife. They can't have children, because my cousin had cancer of the testes, when he was quite young.

My cousin and his wife adopted a boy and a girl from the Ukraine, from the province/ town that his wife is from. Oh I should mention that my cousins wife came to the USA when she was about 10 years old, and yes she is American, but Ukrainian by birth, and customs/tradition. I should also mention that my cousin and his wife are dentists in the next town over.

4: Cousin # 2 married a lady from Georgia. They are both physicians assistants. When they graduated from PA school, they we're employed at a hospital in NYC. After about 5 years there, they wanted to get out of NY, and live in a quiet place. I offered to let them live here on the ranch, and they accepted. They are both employed at a large hospital in the next town over. Again that stupid deacon said that he saw my cousin "compromising position" with a dark haired woman, at the mall. That dark haired woman was me! I was helping my cousin pick out an anniversary ring, for his lovely wife, for their anniversary. My cousins wife can't have children, because she had to have a hysterectomy last summer. They have adopted 2 boys and 1 girl from the Ukraine.

5: Cousin # 3 is retired Army. When he was deployed last year to Iraq in Feb of 2009, his wife went ahead and did an IVF cycle in March, and conceived triplets. During the last trimester of her pregnancy she moved here onto the ranch with me. She had to go on bedrest for most of the pregnancy. Again that stupid deacon told some of the people at the church, that my cousins wife had "sinned and got pregnant by another man". The pastor of our church and that stupid deacon were only ones knew my cousins wife was going through IVF, but the rest of the church didn't know.

6: Last but not least me. I am so angry as I write this! He has been saying I have been "engaging in sins of the flesh, and he has "heard from reputable source" that I am pregnant with a child out of wedlock". That stupid ****** doesn't know that I can't have anymore children. I had to have an emergency hysterectomy, the same day my girls we're born. Another doctor had to perform the hysterectomy, because the original ob/gyn who did my c-section screwed up. I ended up suing the first doctor, and won a lot of money. Oh I should mention that I am a military widow. My husband died in January of 2008, when I was 7 months pregnant with my twin girls. I have a 7 year old son, and my girls will be 2 in late march.

Do you think me and my family should confront this deacon from my church, or should we find another place to worship? I'm tired of having to defend my reputation and that of my family because some stupid man will not leave me alone!

7 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Don't confront this person yourself, take it to your Pastor along with your other family members. Have the issues you mention here written out clearly and briefly (!) to give to your Pastor or Elder board before you meet with them. Just the facts. . . no unnecessary details or emotions. Pray for this man as the Bible tells you to pray for those who are spiteful and behave like your enemies. Then leave whatever correction or confrontation needs to take place in the hands of those who are in authority in the Church. Whatever you do, do not face him yourself or alone. Begin the process now towards forgiving this man but stay on guard to protect yourself from him and stay away from him at all costs. You can forgive from a distance. It is important to allow God to help you deal with your anger and hurt via forgiveness and acceptance so that you can move on and do what is right and good for yourself and your kids. If the authorities that be at your Church do not appropriately deal with this issue you should pray about finding another place to worship. But do not leave before bringing it to your Pastor and the other elders. If you do they might not ever know what this guy is really like and he could just find another young woman to torment. They need to know and be given the chance to correct the situation. If all you say has happened as you describe this guy should not be anywhere near a position of authority in this church. I hope for your sake and the others who worship there that he is confronted, disciplined and removed from authority. God Bless.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 4 years ago

    Ya know, I'm a New Yorker, and I lived in Boston for 7 years. Despite the intensity of the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry (which has, in it's time, been the cause of quite a bit of rioting, overturned cars, etc.), I can honestly say that nobody in Boston ever tried to grab my 'nads and rip them off. Think I'm gonna stay in the Northeast, thankyouverymuch. Seems to be a bit safer.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Follow what Our LORD said to do.......

    Matthew 18:15-17 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

    At this point if he doesn't repent, the Pastor is required to kick him out of the church. If he doesn't, just say to the trespasser "I Bless you in the name of Our LORD and SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!"

    If he doesn't want to speak to you, have one of your witnesses (that is a Believer) go up to him and say "Your permission to operate with-in the KINGDOM is revoked in LORD JESUS CHRIST name!"

    (your authority is now being exercised)

    That's it! Everything will be taken care of. One must be patient but he will move on.....

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I would not confront him because he will not change and it will just upset you. I would recommend finding a new place to worship. I would stay away from him. I am sorry that you are going through all of this. I bet you feel like smacking him. I would feel like that too. I would just stay away from the jackass.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I would confront him publically or at least in the presence of those he has gossiped about. It would be wise to have one of those people handy so if he tries to deny it/lie his way out of it, you will have someone there who can quote him directly.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 1 decade ago

    Froggy went a-courtin' he didn't ride... c-c-c-c-crambone *doink*

    "I needs me a Geeeeetar strang!"

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 1 decade ago

    tell him not to be touching pee pee's

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.