I come from the other side of the table on this one. I am a loan originator(Mortgage Banker). Thanks to the new rules of RESPA, HERA, HVCC, and other fun acronyms, let's just say that home buying has become more difficult. It is mandatory that within 5 days of closing a loan (refi, purchase, anything), our U/W department must call a do a verbal VOE(verification of employment), it does not matter if your white, black, brown, purple - they do it to EVERYONE. We sell all of our loans after we fund them so we have a very strict adherence to each of these.
If a condition changes, you will be forced in many cases to run parts of the entire process all over again - no matter who you are. Many of the people who I know and speak with care about one color - green. Its what feeds and motivates us. I like to make people happy and put them into a home, but I don't do this as a community service and I certainly don't do this for free. Things are getting ready to get more costly for many of the LO's, mortgage brokers and mortgage bankers when we have to pay to become Nationally Certified. Again, its all about the green and finding people who can qualify. I can say personally the only people who I have refused for a loan are those whose credit will not allow me to assist them in getting a loan or people who have no way to prove where those funds come from.
All gift funds must be sourced and documented. What this means is if you are given a gift, there is an evidence trail which must show where these funds originated and there is additional paperwork which must be signed by the all parties in the transaction. (Investors - private or government) demand a trail of where it came from, an explanation of exactly what its for, it actually MUST STATE THIS IS A GIFT AND AT NO TIME THERE IS ANY EXPECTATION OF REPAYMENT.
If you are uncomfortable with your lender, get a new one. Just be prepared to go through the same process all over again. If you chose to walk away from your first lender & are forced back to them be prepared for increased cost. Why you ask?
If the loan has been locked, they are financially penalized for that. The appraisal on the property, count on having to get another appraisal, thank HVCC for that (<--blame the government), there are other cost associated - in the end, one color matters - GREEN.
Update: You mention about your daughter's school loan, I have seen someone attempt this: They paid their child's college tuition through a student loan. After the school reflected payment received, the parents somehow convinced their child to drop out of college that semester and requested a refund on the tuition paid. They got it back, about 80%(I believe) and tried to use it as part of down payment for the house. Because these types of things have been attempted, EVERYONE moving forward will be under the same magnifying glass. Are banks freaking out - yes, because if they have a higher default rate, the government will come in and pull your license. Below is 15 lenders hit.