What happened in the space of a week that caused my ex to have a seemingly split personality?
I went out with this guy B for 3 weeks; complete honeymoon stage. Then, he told his ex about us. Known each other 15 years, they dated 2 years ago for four months, until she cheated, lied, and then told B that she didn't love him. They stayed friends. When he told her ab us, she flipped **** and wanted him back. He and I agreed it wouldn't be fair to string me along while he still had feelings for her. He talked about getting in a relationship again with her. He asked, "I have a horrible hypothetical..if I do choose my ex, would you still want to talk to me, maybe be friends?" I told him I did and I proposed hanging out on the 21st when he came to my city for business. He said, "That's a fantastic answer."
The 21st, he got out of the car, hugged me for a few seconds and said it was great to see me. He said he had been looking forward to hanging out w/me. He was still messed up ab the situation and asking other people for advice. He told me I was the "perfect woman." He still didn't trust his ex, he had hung out w/her but she hadn't seem to have changed. He told me he wasn't really considering a relationship w/her. I said, "Well, you could have decided you didn't want either of us, which is a valid decision", and he said urgently, "But it doesn't mean that at all!" He said he felt awful for having made me upset, that I didn't deserve any of it. He told me he had really just opted out of deciding anything and he wasn't happy about it, and needed time to figure out what he wanted. I was confused, he said, 'I still like you if thats what you're confused about." I brought up being friends and he got weird ab it and said quietly, "I have no problem being your friend." He added later he hoped being friends wouldn't confuse me. When we chose places to sit down, he always steered us towards tiny couches where we had to sit fairly close. I told him I'd leave the details of us being friends up to him, and he randomly said, "Well, I'm coming in again next thursday if you want to hang out." All in all very sweet/attentive.
Next thursday, completely different. This time, he didn't get out of the car, he just leaned over and unlocked the passenger door. He was still friendly/nice to me, chatty (nothing personal tho). But this time, he made it a point to not sit next to me ever...we went bowling and he sat in the seat back to back with mine, effectively sitting in another lane.He described us bowling as a "way to pass the time". I asked how he and the ex were doing, he stammered out, "We're good, we're getting along I guess," no other info. I teased him playfully ab a restaurant he had stalled on visiting for a year that had since gone out of business, and he told me to shut up. He didn't censor himself..in the car at crosswalk, he commented on a guy walking across the road with an irritated, "Walk across the road, fatty." He brought me back to my building, said, "I guess I should at least walk you to your door." At the door, he gave me an awkward hug, said, "It was nice seeing you," and left. No word since, obviously. I haven't contacted him and have no plans to.
WTF happened in the space of a week? What exactly made him go from seeming like he still liked me as a person to seeming like he hated me a week after? Some people theorize that he's back now w/the ex and was trying to be a loyal bf, but why the personality transplant?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
DTMF... That is not the kind of friendship anyone needs to waste anytime on. How he treated you the last time was unforgivable regardless of the reason. The reason doesn't matter. But if you need a reason, more than likely, he is either A) feeling guilty and trying to loyal to current g/f B) He isn't that into her and regrets the mistake he made by getting back with her. C) Seeing you reminds him what he is missing out on, and puts him in a bad mood. D) You are actually seeing his true colors and better off without him. If he calls, are you going to take his call? Why don't you wait and let it roll over to your v/m. If he doesn't call, no worries, you're better off. If you do decide to return the call, wait at least a week and explain that you didn't actually enjoy yourself the last time you two got together. You are curious if what he was upset about or why he was in a bad mood. Don't ask him if he was upset with you. You certainly didn't do anything!
- dianaleehoodLv 61 decade ago
What happened in the space of a week was that you got to see a side of him you hadn't seen before. You sound smart, sensitive and sincere. He's back with his ex alright, and from the sound of it is feeling guilty. He's said a lot of nice things to you that he probably meant at the time, but now he's with his ex all that has changed. Don't think about going back with him if he ever dumps her, you are never going to be able to get that last visit out of your mind, and nor should you. Reality bites, but you got to see the real him.
Sounds to me like something definitely happened, but who knows what? He probably just had allot on his mind, and wasn't sure what to do about it, much less what to do with an ex who he still cares for while he's thinking about dating another ex. And I'm absolutely not trying to make excuses for him, personally I don't think his treatment of you is acceptable. Breaking up with you for an ex while he still likes you and confusing the hell out of you? I know I'm an outsider and I'm only getting a small picture, but that's what the picture looks like.
- 1 decade ago
I am with those who are suggesting he is trying to be loyal to his ex now. I do think he still likes you and this metamorphosis into a nasty, inattentive alien is his way of insuring that you will decide to get over him ASAP. Your own reaction has been, "I haven't contacted him and have no plans to." In a sense, he is very successful in his strategy.
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
I don't belive in all the astrology crap but he may be a Gemini - like me - gemini's have two personalities and I never believed this for myself but as I thought about it I do have 2 radically different personalities!
It really shouldn't matter, this guy needs to grow up. I know I'm judging you here, but once a guy is "choosing" between you and anotehr girl, it's time to dump him for good. That's bull****, you deserve better than that, and you deserve to treat yourself better than that.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I have no clue.
I sure hope that its not his ex manipulating your boyfriend to leave you for her cuz that would kinda sting hey?
- Anonymous1 decade ago
ROFL. Another girl, hence the "split" personality. lol