Why am I finding It so hard to shake this penis insecurity (women and men's answered welcomed)?
I'm a 19 year old black virgin and in the past year I've developed a slight penis insecurity.
My whole escapade began when I was like 15 since my penis had barely grown and I was about 4.5 +/- .5 inches long when all my friends were talking about sizes of 6,7 and 8 inches (although I doubt they were all telling the truth now). So I was worried like most 15 year olds are. Over time it began to grow and when I hit about 6 inches or so and between then and now I gained about and inch which leaves me at about 6.8 inches with a girth of about 4.8-5 and I mainly stopped worrying when I reached 17.
Although last year I had my first ever girlfriend (up until then I hadn't been ready to be in a relationship with anyone). During our relationship she told me how one of her ex's had a huge penis (why? I don't know) and after that she kept wanting to know how big mine was and wanting to see it... Since I'm saving myself for marriage we didn't have sex and she never saw it, In the end i told her just under 7 inches and she seemed Ok with that, not too excited about it but didn't sound disappointed either. The questions continued with how thick it was, but I didn't really answer in the end. Another time we were talking and she was pissed off with me and said i had a small d*** which I said well you've never seen it; but what I had no clue of, was after that conversation and her saying what she said, I would constantly be thinking about the size of my penis.
Since then, at some point in time I would come back to doing searches of what a woman's preference in terms of penis size is and ALWAYS coming to the same sites and the same answers, In fact I'm probably a genius on the topic after reading the amount of posts I have.
I think the insecurity is made worse by being a big black dude. I'm 6ft tall, a good 220lbs (although I've recently got a bit fat, but 205lb is my normal weight), slightly above average looking with deep voice and the preconception of black guys having huge penises makes me feel slightly weary that I'm not packing what is expected.
I tell myself, "what does it matter? your planning to marry an incredible woman who is preferably a virgin or at least wouldn't have been around the block and would love you to the maximum" but I just keep feeling as If I won't be able to do the damn thing as well as some of my other brothers would.
I mean, I'm a confident guy and this is the only insecurity I really have and it bothers and confuses me that it is an insecurity. I mean, when around others I subconsciously get anxious it shrinks up (essentially making matters worse haha), I yank it on the d/l when I'm outside and it's shriveled up and someone may be able to see the outline through my bottoms or something, I can't even imagine going into public showers fully naked and I always end up mentally comparing myself to another when in person, even though I don't mean to.
Even reading over that last paragraph makes me think what the hell is wrong here? Anyone have any suggestions for me moving on from this stupid insecurity? It's actually pissing me off a little now lol.