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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

HE CHANGED HIS MIND ABOUT MOVING IN TOGETHER?

we have been dating and inseparable for 2 months but known each other for 5 months. he asked me to move in with in 2 weeks ago and numerous times i asked him if he was sure and this is what he wanted. he said yes on all occassions. last night he asked me when i want to move in and i said we will talk about it over dinner tonight, and this morning, suddenly he said he really want to make this relationship work and moving in together might blew it. i am so upset and disappointed as i already have my mind focused on that. and he knows that i dont like men messing with my head and being inconsistent. i know it is early but he is 41 and i am 33 and i felt like he sort of lead me on. how can u change ur mind in a course of 6 hours? i told him it was not a choice of which curry to eat. anyways, im not sure what i should do. i still want us to move in together but dont wanna say it. this was all his idea. i like the guy but i cant be with a guy who isnt sure about what he's doing and listens to a co-worker's advise over a relationship. sensible advise please. thanks

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  • 1 decade ago
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    Yes i think its soon but i have seen it done all the time. When you get a certain age you some people know right away if they wanna spend the rest of there life together. Sometimes it can be a mistake to do it too soon and ruin the relationship. Maybe he was super excited to have you all the time but thought about it and it concerned him it may be too much to soon and he is afraid it might change things.

    I think you should talk to him be honest and have a heart to heart about your feelings with him. Tell him you don't quite understand how he has been asking you and in the course of 6 hours that it changed. Try to pick his mind about what actually happened and you gotta be honest about how it made you feel. Guys they have no clue about us women and what we are thinking sometimes and we have to tell them so they can know how we feel. You might want to let him know in the future before you ask me something that serious make sure you have thought it through because your feelings got involved and mentally you were ready for that step and you got let down. That is something he needs to consider before he makes decisions like that because you have feelings too. A lot of guys don't realize that and they can kinda take it lightly when it comes to something that bother us without realizing it. We are more sensitive then them and we can get let down easy. Just try to find away to bring it up because its not gonna stop bothering you until you guys talk about it. I say this from experience I just brought up something to my guy that bothered me last month and I felt he took it lightly and when i told him my feelings he had no idea and he was so sweet about it and he felt like i should have been told him how i really felt. Good uck to you and i hope it works out.

  • You've only known him for 5 months. You should be glad he changed his mind, at least one of you is thinking semi-rationally. Playing house with someone you barely know is a very stupid thing to do.

    At 33, why would you do this? Are you getting to a "certain age" where your biological clock is ticking, and you think this guy might be your last chance to get married and have children? Because living together before marriage isn't a good indicator that the relationship will last.

    Really, the best thing to do is step back from this relationship. Stop having sex with him, because physical intimacy just creates the illusion of emotional intimacy. How about you date each other and really get to know each other for a year? And then get engaged and wait a few more months to a year? Then get married and explore the sexual side of your relationship. You're going about this all wrong.

  • 1 decade ago

    It's not so much that he changed his mind in six hours; he likely wasn't as sure as you thought he was. Often, when people perceive someone as having changed quickly; they're often seeing the true person revealed.

    In just reading what you've written here, my advice, IF you really care about him, would be to take some more time to get to know him. This situation alone should indicate that maybe you don't know one another as well as you think. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have ever wanted to move in with someone I'd only known for five months and had been dating for two (however inseparable you were).

    His "inconsistency" might just be a blessing in disguise for you. If you're really interested, slow down a bit and get to know each other a bit more. You probably don't know him as well as you think you Then, if you mutually decide to move in together, I believe it'll be under much better circumstances. It really sounds like this was a premature decision.

    Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    Hmm... I do agree that he asked way too soon. I mean, only a couple of months? I personally would wait longer than that to move in with someone. I feel like a 41 year old who was pushing the idea and then backed out at the last minute sounds like a baby. If you are afraid to tell him how you feel, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship. After all, this is all his fault. He continually brought it up and then shut you down? Let him know you are not going to put up with that kind of crap.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Men are put on this earth to drive us crzy. I would say you are lucky you did not move in with him. If you would of and let's say a week down the road he changes his mind...where are you going to go or do and then he might say...we can be friends...god I hate that when they say it...You are better off now then maybe down the road and finding out the hard way. Heck, a few hours ago...i got told by the guy I was having "fun" with that he could no longer do this anymore with me even though we were having a great time. My balloon really popped then. But you know, I am better off because if he would of had another girl take my place before telling me...I would be crying my heart out now, instead of thanking god we did not go any further in the fun.

  • 1 decade ago

    Guys are complex beings. One minute they think one thing, and the next they're completely different. It's almost like they're bi-polar! I really don't know what changed his mind, and I'm really sorry it upsets you, but it seems like he cares a lot about you, or he wouldn't be worried about "blowing it" with you. I would just tell him that you want to move in with him as soon as he's ready to take that chance with you. But don't worry that it's because he doesn't like you, commitment scares all men, and it is very early in the relationship. I wish you guys all the best!

    Source(s): I have a crazy boyfriend! :p
  • 1 decade ago

    personally i would say you are moving too fast. i would say wait a good year before you make the big desition. now with that said there are two times in your life when you will REALLY get to know someone, one of them is when you move in together, the second is when you get married.

    you should be upset, he set you up beliveing that you will move in together then when you finally agree, he changes his mind. i think everyone deserves a second chance and that you should give it too him, if he is really seriouse about you then he will apoligize and mean it. also i say wait, there is much more for you to learn about him. spend more and more time together. learn his habits, not in the stalking kind of way but in the "oh so this is how you do it"way. but YOU must be 100% ready to move in together, if not then chances are it wont work out.

    Source(s): watching friends and family do it for years.... V.V good luck
  • 1 decade ago

    I'm not saying this to be rude, but it sounds like you may still be a little immature and naive when it comes to relationships. It is very easy to change your mind on the spur of the moment, even with major decisions. It may be that as the deadline approached, he decided that he wasn't as confident as he originally thought. If you really like the guy, give him a little breathing room. If you get angry with him or start begging him to change his mind, you will seem needy and he will be turned off. Things rarely go well from there.

  • 1 decade ago

    you have only known this guy for 5 months, and you are talking about moving in?? you're nuts...

    Keep your own place for at least a year, if not two.. and spend a couple nights together each week...

    It takes at least a year before you really get to know each other, and if you go too soon, one of you will soon feel smothered....

  • 1 decade ago

    Maybe he felt that way all along, but didn't know how to tell you before. It's better he says it now than later when you're all moved in

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